I had to go to WalMart this morning (my friend's kid was having a birthday and I, as usual, had put off getting a card and a gift until the very last minute). I went early (what I thought was early), around 8 am to try and miss the coming-out-of-church crowd, and discovered a whole sub-set of people who apparently had the same thought as me. It was actually quite busy, so we (my kids and I) just got what we needed and decided to get out of there (in itself an unusual event; i like to browse an...

Ok, i just re-read what i have written in the past couple of days, and I don't like what i see. All I seem to have done is complain about my lot in life, how bad my life is, how being me sucks...it's pathetic! I'm really not like this usually....and i think the time has come for me to kick myself in the ass and just get the fuck on with shit instead of complaining. Yes, this is hard, and yes, it hurts...but i need to quit fucking whining. This is what i need to say to myself: Shit happen...

My friend Jim is returning to the area this weekend. He's the closest thing to a dharma bum i've ever had the fortune to meet. We have had some really cool times together, talking about philosophy, religions, music, people...anything. he's very well read and very intelligent...but not showy about it, if you know what i mean. Jim has had a few careers, from being enlisted in the army to being a certified massage therapist, to wroking at an express lube changing the oil in people's cars. ...

I talked to my dad this morning.  He's having a bad day today, so listening to him struggle with words was hard for me to hear.  He got his point across, though. He wants to pay for Lonesome, the kids and I to go on vacation to England to see them.  He was going to bring my mom on vacation here to the US, but he can't get medical insurance.  He's too ill.  He's been too ill for years.  He's 76, been retired for 11 years, and lives off of a state pension.  My...

I got my birthday gift from Lonesome today.  My birthday's not until next week, but the mail system from up there is irregular at best. Her had been promising for ages to send me a shirt that he wore...so I can smell him.  It sounds funky, but I find it incredibly comforting. So, I got a package today, and inside it was a sandwich bag containing a shirt and a birthday card with a dollar in it (he has this thing about sending cards with no money in them). I sat there for a bit,...

I, on a whim, went and perused Yahoo Personals earlier this evening (I was bored). It was good for me.  Scrolling through page after page of self-selling biopsies, people trying to condense their entire persona into a single paragraph.... seeing hoplessly hopeful faces staring out at me, reading about how everyone's looking for that one special person, 'the one'......it bought home to me just how fortunate I am. I have found my 'one'.  I have made, am making and wi...

I married a snorer.  I didn't know he was a snorer until after we had been hitched for a couple of years. It started with the occasional grunt and rasp when he was having a particularly restless night and progressed over the years to full-blown log-sawing every night.  At first I thought it was because he was sleeping on his back.  So, when he was really loud, I'd poke him. "Whhhaaaatttt???" he'd say in a still-asleep-why-the-fuck-did-you-jab-me-in-the-ribs-whine. "You'...

Dave sent me flowers today. You may wonder why this is a big deal to me...well, I'll tell you. He's never sent me flowers before. He's bought them for me and given them to me himself, he's picked them for me...but he's never had flowers delivered to me. We just have never been the kind of couple that did stuff like that...we've always been pretty non-traditional in the gift-giving department. He's asked before if I'd like it if he sent me flowers, and I always said I'd rather he took ...

In light of the events concerning my health in the past couple of weeks I am again questioning whether or not I should search for my biological parents. I have been asked countless times recently if I have a family history of cancer, heart disease, diabetes etc...and I always have to answer 'I don't know"...because I don't. I was born in June 1969 at the Radcliffe Infirmary in Oxford, England. I was a forceps delivery and weighed in at 6lb 13 oz. My mother's name was Veronica Howse, sh...

You ask me if I miss you when you call. You ask me if I think about you often. The answer is no, I don't think about you often. I think about you all the damn time. When I wake up in the morning, before I'm fully aware of my surroundings I roll over and expect to find you there.  When my hand reaches out to find nothing but cold sheet and emptiness, my heat sinks to my stonach and I want to cry. You're there when I'm drinking coffee and reading the paper.  You're there w...

I don't think I can handle another night like last night.  It started when he fell asleep around 9 pm (has to be in to work early this morning - 5am, to be precise). He nodded off on his side, facing the TV.  I was watching "Law and Order", and I had to turn the volume up because I couldn't hear the dialogue over his snoring.  I'm really surprise he didn't wake himself up, he was that loud. I didn't want to disturb him - he can be venemous if you wake him from his sleep ...

I'll have been married 11 years in January. That's a long time.  Over a decade, almost a third of my life. I have learned that being married does not automatically entitle you to a lifetime of happiness for nothing. Marriage is a work in progress. People change...I'm not the same person I was 11 years ago, physically, mentally or spiritually, and neither is my husband.  Because the people change, the relationship changes.  I'm not just talking about the dynamics, I'm...

I overheard a conversation about swinging today.  Not swinging like playground swinging, but swinging as in having sex with mutiple partners at the same time. Now I'm no prude, but swinging and having sex with someone else and my husband disgusts me.  I can't get my head around the mindset....the women I overheard talking today mentioned that there was a lot of 'emotional love' involved.  How?  If you love someone enough to want to spend the rest of you life with t...

This was inspired in part by Myrrander's wonderful tribute to military spouses ( Link ) Dear D, You often ask me what I did when you were gone.  I have finally summoned enough courage to answer that question. I cried.  Every night, after the kids were in bed and everyone was asleep.  After you and I had hung up our last phone call, after the last email professing endless and undying love had been sent and recieved....I wept.  I clutched your pillow, trying...