I lead a sheltered life... haven't ever heard of "swinging" till now.

I don't get it either, sounds like infidelity to me. But what do I know, I'm just one of those "country bumpkins" the Dems keep talking about j/k

Peace,

Beebes

Yeah, I'm not into that, either, dharma. I'd end up punching someone for touching my man. I wonder if any studies have been done that show the effect of that lifestyle on a marriage's stability?

personally think that it shows a lack of self-respect

and self-esteem and respect for your mate!

It just goes against everything I think is right...you know? I've been with Ryan for almost two years...and we haven't had sex yet. Not that we don't want to, you know? We just gave that part of our relationship a place, and we don't think that place is until we're married. I can't imagine inviting someone else into that part of our relationship.

I've caught Ryan with porn...twice now? And the last time I caught him I almost left him...it made me feel so inadequate. I'll never be skinny, I'll never have big boobs and blonde hair, and I'll never wear stilettos to bed and be all sexy. I'm just me...and that's all I have to offer. If pornography makes me feel that inadequate, watching another woman please my man would drive me to hang myself from the shower curtain rod, I think....

Some people view relationships differently. Personally I have always been able to separate sexual attraction from emotional love, and have encouraged my partners to be the same way. Not many have been able to once the clothes were off, but my husband is one who can and does. We have invited a close friend to share our bed and enjoyed the experience. But it's not A) necessary for a "thrill" something we do all the time C) anything we feel awkward or ashamed about. But that's me. I understand it's not everybody, and I respect that. I guess I don't understand why you can't understand that.

Incidentally, I respect and esteem myself, my husband and my shared partners enormously.

I think it sucks. I want my boyfriend or husband to have eyes for me only. I dont get whats soooo cool about it. It sucks.

I don't get it either, but I've only been with one person, so I have a difficult time imagining myself with anyone else.

I had conversations on this topic and others with a girl at work whose husband is in Iraq. They had talked about having a threesome with another girl, and since he was going to be gone, he told her she didn't have to wait for him. So she's had a girlfriend the whole time he's been gone, and sees nothing wrong with it. I still see it as adultery, so it made for interesting discussions.

Not being married, I can't say for sure that I'd be up for it or not. I don't have any moral objections, but I can't imagine sharing those moments with anyone else but with the one I've committed myself to.

well...with female responses running like 6 against, 1 for and 1 undecided,  it's no wonder i havent been able to arrange more threesomes. 

Sexuality and how you manifest it is one of those weird things. A book you write with invisible but inerasable (is that even a word?) ink, once you write it you can't unwrite it. As well as this irreversibility it is written in a language that only you can really understand. Getting anyone to understand yours or attempting to understand anyone else's is a hard task.

When sex does happen, it happens like battles of old - on a battleground chosen by both parties and fought abiding by rules that are felt than spoken.

At least that's what happens when it's healthy and consensual, but even when it is there are parts of each parties sexualities that are left out of the exchange, like two circles overlapping, but not completely.

What this has to do with your post...I have no idea.

Marco

I don't get it either, sounds like infidelity to me

Me too!

Yeah, I'm not into that, either, dharma. I'd end up punching someone for touching my man.

Like I said on SNS's Veteranish thread, anyone who thinks about touching my husband ought to ask themselves just how bad they want to get hurt.... 

It just goes against everything I think is right...you know?

I do know, believe me. Marcie, will you email me please?

Personally I have always been able to separate sexual attraction from emotional love, and have encouraged my partners to be the same way

And there's the rub.  Most women (I can't speak for men) have emotional love and sexual attraction so intermingled that it's impossible to separate them.  Good for you, I think, for being able to separate them, but I still don't get your mindset....I'm not hung up about my body, but I still cannot imagine sharing that part of myself with anyone but my spouse.

 

I want my boyfriend or husband to have eyes for me only

I think that most women do...

So she's had a girlfriend the whole time he's been gone, and sees nothing wrong with it. I still see it as adultery,

Infidelity is infideltiy, whether it be with a girl or a boy...even cyber infidelity counts as far as I'm concerned!

 

Not being married, I can't say for sure that I'd be up for it or not

I thought about whether I'd be able to do it if I were single, and I still don't know if I could....

 

it's no wonder i havent been able to arrange more threesomes.

But would you really be able to handle a threesome?  I honestly think that most men, while they talk big about wanting one, would 1) not know what to do if it ever happened, or 2) suddenly go off the whole idea when it becomes real and tangible.

K~
I'll email you when I get home from school today. Time to motor so I can test the crap out of my kids. ARGH!

When sex does happen, it happens like battles of old - on a battleground chosen by both parties and fought abiding by rules that are felt than spoken.

Exactly...and sex with multiple people at the same time goes against those unspoken rules.

I'm not casting judgement on those who do.  I that's what floats your boat, then I'm...okay with that.  I, however, am not about to have one myself because it makes me cringe just thinking about it and I'm strictly a one-man-at-a-time woman.  I don't have the ability to separate sexual and emotion, so I'll just keep the two inertmingled and enjoy it that way.

Marcie...that's cool, I have to go to work in a bit myself!

even cyber infidelity counts as far as I'm concerned!

Absolutely!

But would you really be able to handle a threesome? I honestly think that most men, while they talk big about wanting one, would 1) not know what to do if it ever happened, or 2) suddenly go off the whole idea when it becomes real and tangible.

I once dated a guy who had a threesome. He said it was confusing-he didn't know which girl to focus on. He honestly said that it was a little too much and not nearly as great as he had imagined.

inerasable (is that even a word?) ink

I think the word you want is "indelible".

On the topic at hand, I think N-way (for N > 2) sex would work best among people who are in it for the act of sex, not for the higher love. Physical attraction is all that's needed (or wanted, I would tend to think).