...The most annoying person I know.  Like when we're watching a movie or a show that neither of us has seen before and he asks me questions: Him:  "why's he doing that?" Me: "Dunno" Him: "that doesn't make sense.  Why's he doing that?" Me:  "like I said, I dunno" Him: "but...." Me, interrupting: "I DO NOT KNOW.  THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN THIS TOO.  Perhaps if you quit asking me questions we'd both know what was going on". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~...

Sometimes when I wake in the night and can't fall back to sleep I lay with my ear close to your back, following your breath.  I listen to your heart's lub-dubbing lullaby and try to let it lull me back into slumber's gentle embrace. I'm always amazed when I hear your heart beat.  Not because it's beating, although I'm suitably impressed with the human body and it's perfect imperfections, but because I think that I can hear it saying my name....'Ka-ren, Ka-ren, Ka-ren'.... Ah, but...

As some of you know, my marriage hasn't been exactly blissful this year.  We've had months where we just can't seem to get along, no matter what we do.  We don't have big knock-down-drag-out-fights, we just bicker back and forth and generally get on each other's nerves.  It doesn't make for a happy atmosphere at home, especially for our kids.  It wasn't until our son made a comment about it that we realized just how bad it had become - and we decided to do something about it....

We talked last night.  Dave and I took the dogs for a walk and we talked about 'us' and what we're going to do. He's probably going to deploy later this year.  To a much more dangerous place than last time.  I don't want to have him leave and have 'us' not be okay, and I told him as much. "I think we'll be okay.  By then, I mean" he said. I'm impressed by his confidence.  Sunday night, whilst it wasn't pleasant, enabled us both to release a lot...

We had a major fight last night.  Huge.  Ugly.  Things were said, and as we all know, once something's said you can't unsay it.  It just hangs there, shadowing everything else that's said after it, looming like some huge black thunderhead that threatens torrential rain. It made good on it's threat, but there wasn't any rain.  There were tears instead.  My tears.  Tears that burned my eyes and nose as they rained down my face and dripped onto the collar o...

Being the complicated humans that we are, we have many wants and needs for many things. From the moment we are born (and even before then) we have basic physiological needs.  We need food and shelter to survive (I know that there are many more, but those are the basics). But it's not just physiological needs that we have.  We have other needs that are just as important - the need for a sense of safety and security, of acceptance and love - those are important too.  Too often...

I just told a man who isn't my husband that I love him. And I do.  I DO love him.  It's not in the same way as I love my husband, but it's love nonetheless. I love a lot of people, some of whom I've never met.  It sounds incredible, doesn't it?  Loving people that you've never met.  But it's possible, and it's real.  For instance, I love more than  few JoeUsers, and I've never met them. I love Texas Wahine.  She's a wondeful person who, after ...

Last night I decided to tease Dave and give him a laundry list of what I wanted for Valentines Day (I already got a huge cactus that was supposed to be my V day gift but I wanted to act spoiled and tease him a little).  On it was a Fossil purse, some pajamas and an X Box game.  I wrote on the back that I was just teasing him and wouldn't be mad if he didn't get me anything else - underlining the 'won't be mad/upset' part so's he get the message that I wasn't being serious. When I ga...

Dave came home this evening with a sad look on his face and handed me a piece of folded paper. "Read it, and we'll talk" he said. I knew before I opened it what it was. He's leaving at the beginning of next month for 3 weeks training.  Then he comes home for 3 weeks, gets his A bag ready.......and deploys in March. For 6 months. To the desert.  A different location than last time, but a place that will give him combat pay all the same. This means that all the things that...

My marriage hasn't been too great lately.  That might come as a shock to some of you, but there are a few who either knew or saw it coming. The military's enforced separations are taking a toll on us.  People change, and thay change constantly.  When you're living together you might not see these change - they work their way into your lives silently and go unnoticed.  You just adapt, and you do so without realizing that you've done it. But when you live apart from s...

I thought that my heart was empty, that I was devoid of any emotion and feeling for him.  I had searched and searched, hoping to find an ember of desire.....and all I found within myself was cold darkness. But as I watch him sleeping, I feel that fire ignite and begin to warm me again.  He looks so innocent laying there, like he never said a mean word or had a nasty thought in his entire life.  His lips slightly parted, his breath buzzing away at the back of his throat...I...

....he's just awesome. I got a parcel from him today.  He bought me some birthday presents.  He got me a jewellery box made out of carved and polished camel bone, some butterflies in a frame, a necklace and matching bracelet (he got himself a matching necklace too) and a ring.  All of these things were totally unexpected.  He'd got them from local artists and traders and was very proud of himself for haggling in Arabic for them.  The necklace and bracelet...

  I'm lonely. I'm not starved of company, I have plenty of acquaintances and friends I can talk to and be around.  However....I can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. I miss my husband.  I'm so envious of couples who live together.  I wonder sometimes if they relish waking up with each other every morning, or if they take such things for granted.  I miss Dave.  I miss his smell...I have a T-shirt that he wore to sleep in the few days bef...