Lonliness is a friend of mine

Published on June 4, 2005 By dharmagrl In Personal Relationships

I'm lonely.

I'm not starved of company, I have plenty of acquaintances and friends I can talk to and be around. However....I can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely.

I miss my husband. I'm so envious of couples who live together. I wonder sometimes if they relish waking up with each other every morning, or if they take such things for granted.

I miss Dave. I miss his smell...I have a T-shirt that he wore to sleep in the few days before he left, and I sleep with it under my pillow. Until about a week ago I could still smell him on it....but time has done it's work and I can't smell him any more.

I miss his presence. I miss hearing his voice in person, I miss feeling his weight next to me in bed at night. I miss holding his hand....actually, I miss him holding my hand. I miss being touched and held. People don't realize how important human touch is....I haven't been touched in a non-clinical way in ages, and I think that's what the root cause of my lonliness is. I would love to be hugged...I'd love to be encircled by a pair of masculine arms. Ideally, they'd belong to my husband, but right now, I'd take a hug from anyone.

We're almost halfway through this deployment now. If I have to have the surgery done soon, then my husband will come home early for it....so realistically, I could get to see him in a month or so. However, if the surgery doesn't take place or it gets delayed I'll still have 13 or so weeks of being alone left to endure.

I haven't been unfaithful to him , and I won't ever be. However...I can understand how things happen now. I can understand how people can be so desperately lonely, how they crave affection and desperately need to be touched...and I can understand how that desperation might lead to them being intimate with someone other than their spouse if they're not aware of why they're feeling that way.

Being apart from the person that you love most is hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do....

Comments

Manopeace

on Jun 04, 2005

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((karen))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

it's not from Dave, but it's from the heart!

Moderateman

on Jun 04, 2005

{{{{{{{{{{{{[dharma}}}}}}}}}}} I echo manos sentiments.

dharmagrl

on Jun 04, 2005

Mano and ModMan:

Thank you both so much. I know that your hugs come from your hearts.....both of you are such sweethearts (even though you try to act tough - yeah, ModMan, I'm talkign to you! ).

I wish that we lived closer together, because I'd sure like to have coffee and a hug for real with the both of you!

Janders

on Jun 04, 2005

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now, and I know I wouldn't want to trade places with you. I can't even imagine being away from my husband that long, so it must be hell for you.

But I also want to thank you for it. If it were not for you and other spouses of our soldiers, we wouldn't get to be with our own families. So thank you for the huge sacrifice you and your family makes.

You are in my thoughts Karen, I am sending you a huge tight squeeze. (opps my big belly got in the way)

lifehappens

on Jun 04, 2005

People need an average of 3 signifigant touches a day....a hug, a kiss, brushing past someone. It's not until our loved ones are gone that we realize just how many times a day we are in contact with them...and how alone we feel when we don't have it. I'm sorry that you are still suffering; my heart goes out to you and I am thinking a *hug* at you!

alison watkins

on Jun 04, 2005

This brought a tear to my eye. I know exactly where you're coming from...Hardin is gone again...and I'm stuck here, by myself with no one except you guys here on JU and voices on the phone.

You can tell how deeply you care for D. I honestly believe that all the time apart makes you treasure the littlest things more than anyone who does not experience the absence of a spouse or loved one.

I feel for ya! (hugs)

(We sooo need to live closer!!)

dharmagrl

on Jun 04, 2005

I also want to thank you for it. If it were not for you and other spouses of our soldiers, we wouldn't get to be with our own families. So thank you

The biggest thanks you can give me and my sisters in arms is to enjoy every second that you get to spend with your loved ones. Make up for us not being able to have ours by loving and appreciating yours all the more. D and I will be together again soon enough, and when we do it'll be like we just got married all over again.

You are in my thoughts Karen, I am sending you a huge tight squeeze. (opps my big belly got in the way)

You don't know how ecstatically happy it makes me that you HAVE a big belly to get in the way! That means that your little chickie is growing and healthy, and that you've had a successful pregnancy. Your other little one is with you, you know. She's watching over her little sister...

It's not until our loved ones are gone that we realize just how many times a day we are in contact with them

That's exactly right. The peck on the cheek your husband gives you as he goes off to work, the touch of his hand on yours when you're in the car....these are things that I miss terribly. Just to be in the same room as him...

This brought a tear to my eye. I know exactly where you're coming from...Hardin is gone again...and I'm stuck here, by myself with no one except you guys here on JU and voices on the phone.

Aww, Alison! I'll email you later this evening....

(We sooo need to live closer!!)

Yes, we do!

Janders

on Jun 04, 2005

Oh Karen... You are so great...
I hugged and kissed my hubby extra hard. Your comments make me appreciate the times I am with him so much more.

Phoenixboi

on Jun 05, 2005

D.. your never lonely.. look at it as being alone.

dynamaso

on Jun 05, 2005

Dharma,

An online hug is lovely but not what you need. If you could convince your kids to have a group hug, maybe it would tide you over. I know its not the same, but it worth a go, yeah?

Like you, intimacy is the one thing I miss when T and I aren't together. There is nothing like a hug from the one you love to make you feel good about the world.

Cheers,

Maso

foreverserenity

on Jun 06, 2005

Here's another hug for you....((((((((Dharma)))))))))!

I hope it won't be too long before D comes home. Chin up, and hang in there! Just hug the kids a little tighter, not the same of course but it will do for now.

dharmagrl

on Jun 06, 2005

Your comments make me appreciate the times I am with him so much more.

Good, that was my intention!

look at it as being alone.

Yeah, I am....it still sucks.

There is nothing like a hug from the one you love to make you feel good about the world.

Aint that the truth..

Chin up, and hang in there!

aww, I am. I'll be okay, it just sucks to be alone some days.

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