Being the complicated humans that we are, we have many wants and needs for many things.

From the moment we are born (and even before then) we have basic physiological needs.  We need food and shelter to survive (I know that there are many more, but those are the basics).

But it's not just physiological needs that we have.  We have other needs that are just as important - the need for a sense of safety and security, of acceptance and love - those are important too.  Too often these are described as 'wants' rather than 'needs', but they're not simply things that we want.  We NEED those things, we NEED love and acceptance; a sense of security and of belonging, acknowledgement and recognition ...and even affection. 

Affection is often overlooked in the grand scale of things.  It too is said to be a want rather than a need, but I disagree.  Everybody needs affection.  Everyone.The method of giving and recieving that affection may be very different from culture to culture and person to person, but it's still affection.  Often affection is given in the form of touch, and oh boy do people underestimate the power of human touch.  Having been privileged enough to be in the presence of people who are living out their last days and even moments on this earth, I have witnessed first-hand the incredible power that a single, simple touch has.  It's an incredible thing; it can convey things that a million words cannot.  There are studies that have shown that premature infants who are co-bedded with their siblings and who are therefore in physical contact with each other grow faster and thrive better than babies who are left on their own. 

Touch, to me, is the primary source of affection.  There are times when my husband is deployed for extended periods of time, and I literally ache for a hug, for him to hold my hand or put his arm around me.   Obviously, he's thousands of miles and many continents away and unavailable, so I've had to improvise and get my affection through an internet connection.  It's not as good as the real thing, but.....it helps me get through.  

I've been left alone because of deployments a lot, and I have to say it's changed the way I think and the way I see things.  I used to think that it was wrong to hug a man other than your husband, that it was wrong to touch in any way a member of the opposite sex who was not your spouse and anyone who did it was automatically cheating on their husband.  I was wrong.  Hugging someone, touching someone during conversation is a long way from having an affair.  I honestly think that in some circumstances it's okay to have a man who isn't your spouse give you a simple hug or put his hand on your arm.  Now kissing...that's a different matter, and obviously sex is out of the question.  But hugging...I think that might be okay.

Affection for me is a need, like food and shelter.  People resort to some extreme things when they have a need that's not being met.  We saw that all too well after Hurricane Katrina last August.  People were breaking into stores and getting food because they NEEDED sustenance.  The TV's and electronics they were taking - now those were wants - but the food and the clean water were needs.  Likewise, people who NEED affection and who aren't getting it (or for whom cyber-affection doesn't work) will resort to some extreme measures to have that need met.  I can see how people get caught up in extra-marital affairs, I can see how that would be a very easy thing for a person to do - they need affection, and they subconciously (or maybe after their guard has been lowered thanks to a few beers) seek out someone to give it to them.  I can see now how it would be an easy thing to do, and I can also see how a person would realize just how much they've missed that affection and feel an even greater need to be held or touched - and thus begins an affair.  Which is better, affection from someone you know, someone known to both you and your husband - affection which isn't going to go any further than simple affection to fill a need - or an full-on affair with sex and emotions?  I know which I'd prefer.

I'm lucky.  I haven't been pulled into an affair whilst my husband's been gone.  I like to think that's because I'm astute enough to be aware of what I'm feeling and why, butI can't say that for sure.  I really don't know.  I do know that I'm all too familiar with the yearning that I have to be held (even cyber-held).

And I also know that for me, affection isn't a want.  It's a need.