You ask me if I miss you when you call. You ask me if I think about you often. The answer is no, I don't think about you often. I think about you all the damn time. When I wake up in the morning, before I'm fully aware of my surroundings I roll over and expect to find you there.  When my hand reaches out to find nothing but cold sheet and emptiness, my heat sinks to my stonach and I want to cry. You're there when I'm drinking coffee and reading the paper.  You're there w...

I don't think I can handle another night like last night.  It started when he fell asleep around 9 pm (has to be in to work early this morning - 5am, to be precise). He nodded off on his side, facing the TV.  I was watching "Law and Order", and I had to turn the volume up because I couldn't hear the dialogue over his snoring.  I'm really surprise he didn't wake himself up, he was that loud. I didn't want to disturb him - he can be venemous if you wake him from his sleep ...

I'll have been married 11 years in January. That's a long time.  Over a decade, almost a third of my life. I have learned that being married does not automatically entitle you to a lifetime of happiness for nothing. Marriage is a work in progress. People change...I'm not the same person I was 11 years ago, physically, mentally or spiritually, and neither is my husband.  Because the people change, the relationship changes.  I'm not just talking about the dynamics, I'm...

I overheard a conversation about swinging today.  Not swinging like playground swinging, but swinging as in having sex with mutiple partners at the same time. Now I'm no prude, but swinging and having sex with someone else and my husband disgusts me.  I can't get my head around the mindset....the women I overheard talking today mentioned that there was a lot of 'emotional love' involved.  How?  If you love someone enough to want to spend the rest of you life with t...

This was inspired in part by Myrrander's wonderful tribute to military spouses ( Link ) Dear D, You often ask me what I did when you were gone.  I have finally summoned enough courage to answer that question. I cried.  Every night, after the kids were in bed and everyone was asleep.  After you and I had hung up our last phone call, after the last email professing endless and undying love had been sent and recieved....I wept.  I clutched your pillow, trying...

Sometimes I watch you sleep. In the mornings, after the madness has departed and the air is still I stand in the doorway of our room and watch you. Hand under pillow, in a tangle of arms and legs and sheet you lay, gently breathing.  You look so.....calm.  Unfettered.  Distant. I like you then the most.  I think it's because it's the only time I ever see you be still.  Even when you're awake and physically still, your head and mind are always charging away with ...

Dave's trying to quit smoking. I'm about ready to get on my knees and beg him to please, please, please go buy himself a pack of Camel Lights, spark one up and re-adjust his attitude. I'm seriously considering a 'reverse intervention' where I go get him his nicotine fix and make him smoke it. At this precise moment the threat of various cancers, emphysema and such seem far away...very, very far away.  It seems far more likely that I will do him some serious damage before the tobacc...

What else should I be.....all apologies.' That's how I feel right now. Closely followed by 'Find my nest of salt....ev'rything is my fault'.   I'm so tired of it....

The following was written by Henry, my 8 week old dachsund: uhc x frc hnccbdbcm nhjbbdf cxjjjxshjuyhtgiuuuu u dxm,ndxnm, For those of you who don't know, dachsunds like to poke things with their noses (every dachsund I've ever owned has, anyway).  Henry sat on my lap and kept poking the keyboard this morning, so I decided to let him have his way and write some for you. Here's what I think the translation would sound like: She put me out in the cold wet grass this morning and I d...

Dave comes home tomorrow. I've waited over a year for this auspicious event.  He left on August 3rd last year, and since then I've seen him for a whole 2 1/2 weeks.  I've been daydreaming of this reunion for months. I wanted everything to be perfect - well, as perfect as reality gets.  I didn't want to be ill. I have a bit of a temperature, a scratchy throat, and a headache.  The back of my nose feels funny, like it usually does right before I get a snotty nose and ...

I was IM-ing with BlueDev the other day when he asked how long until my husband comes home.  At the time it was 16 days...and when I told him it kind of hit me that it was that soon. Now I'm down to 14 days.  2 weeks.  It's not sinking in (yet).  Not next Friday, but the Friday after, I'll be making the 20 min drive to the local airport to get my husband.  I'll be going to get him, and I'll be bringing him home.  I can't fathom it, I really can't.  After o...

I talked to my dad this morning.  He's having a bad day today, so listening to him struggle with words was hard for me to hear.  He got his point across, though. He wants to pay for Lonesome, the kids and I to go on vacation to England to see them.  He was going to bring my mom on vacation here to the US, but he can't get medical insurance.  He's too ill.  He's been too ill for years.  He's 76, been retired for 11 years, and lives off of a state pension.  My...

I got my birthday gift from Lonesome today.  My birthday's not until next week, but the mail system from up there is irregular at best. Her had been promising for ages to send me a shirt that he wore...so I can smell him.  It sounds funky, but I find it incredibly comforting. So, I got a package today, and inside it was a sandwich bag containing a shirt and a birthday card with a dollar in it (he has this thing about sending cards with no money in them). I sat there for a bit,...