Dharma, I wish you and your husband all the best as you continue to persevere and work through this. I admire you both for your strength. You are wonderful people.

I believe anything worth having including being married is worth fighting for, but {yep the dreaded but} you have to know when to cut your losses.

Brad and I always discuss concerns of growing apart even though we are together all year round. Our worlds are completely different which has caused us to grow on separate paths. We have to make a concious effort to take interest in what the other is doing and make plans to experience new things together.

As long as you conclude that it is worth it, you will find a way to make it work. Here's hoping you will always know it is worth it. Best wishes.

I think I know what this is about.  I hope they read and learn something.  You have been very clear in your troubles in the past, but also very hopeful in their resolution, so I am not worried about you and Dave.  But I hope some others read this and learn from it.  It is never easy to have a separated marriage.  My mother did with my step father, both my grandparents did, and one of my best friends did (try Boomer duty!).  3 of 4 made out very very well.

Do we ever really love someone? I mean, is who we love the person we see or is it the person in our heads that we want to see?

Love.

It takes work. We gotta climb those obstacles of whatever that block our view and roll up our sleeves and dig in. Work. effort.

Love.

The person we see is not the same person in our heads that we want to see. Loving them anyway and despite of it is the purest kind of love.It is the hardest too.

You saw something once. It's still there. Hang on to that and dig in.

I admire you both for your strength. You are wonderful people.

Thank you....although at times I feel like the weakest person in the world.  I think that's part of the delicate dance that is marriage, though - knowing when you have to be strong and when you can be weak and let your other half carry you.

I believe anything worth having including being married is worth fighting for, but {yep the dreaded but} you have to know when to cut your losses.

Oh I agree.  You can't make someone love you......and if you're in a relationship with someone who simply doesn't love you and doesn't want to be there...well, the best thing to do is to let them go so you can move on and work on making yourself a better person.  Sometimes it's just too painful or destructive to stay married.

 

Our worlds are completely different which has caused us to grow on separate paths. We have to make a concious effort to take interest in what the other is doing and make plans to experience new things together.

His world is the military, and whilst I've involved myself in that a lot there's only so much I can do.  To his credit, he has volunteered to do some yoga with me (I got a Budokon dvd today; it incorporates yoga and martial arts into one discipline and I'm hoping he'll do it with me) and he's also said that if I cared to knit something for him he'd be willing to wear it.....

As long as you conclude that it is worth it, you will find a way to make it work.

Exactly.  we love each other still.....and that makes it all worth it.

I think I know what this is about

It's about Dave and I.  Nothing more, just about us and the problems we're having.

You have been very clear in your troubles in the past, but also very hopeful in their resolution, so I am not worried about you and Dave. But I hope some others read this and learn from it.

We know what the issues are, we both just have to try harder to fix them.  it's not easy, but it will be worth it.  One day when we're old and retired, we'll be glad that we worked things out.

If anyone else reads this and finds some wisdom or solace in my words, then that's great.  But I didn't write it for anyone else, I wrote it for me.

 

It takes work. We gotta climb those obstacles of whatever that block our view and roll up our sleeves and dig in. Work. effort

exactly. 

 

You saw something once. It's still there. Hang on to that and dig in.

I still see it. I see glimpses of it occasionally.....the way he curls his toes when he's stretching, the way my head fits under his chin perfectly when he hugs me.....the way he smells, the sound of his voice first thing in the morning.  I see it, and I know it's still there, waiting for me to uncover it again.

All I can say is that I think marriage is worth fighting for and many people are too quick to give up on it. I hope you are able to work through your problems, grow closer together and have a long and happy marriage.

It is never easy but the military separations really add a lot of stress to your marriage. In the Navy we have sea duty and shore duty. Does he have time coming up where he won't be deployable or does it not work that way in the AF? I'm still hoping for the 15 year retirement.

It is (we are) worth fighting for and we will make it work. Jill, I have to agree. The way we lived before may not be the way we live now or tomorrow but we will make it work. I love you, Karen. We've been together a long time, more than 1/3 of my life. We'll knock down the barriers (at some point) and grow together again. Please try to be patient with me and not expect any immediate or drastic changes . I will try to be patient with you. Remember what you said the other day about remembering why we love each other in the first place...............yeah, that was pretty cool. I love you, Karen.

One last thing......thank you all for your kind words, sincerely.

Remember what you said the other day about remembering why we love each other in the first place...............yeah, that was pretty cool. I love you, Karen

I love you too.  That response...that was a reminder of why I fell in love with you in ther first place.  I can't answer the rest of it or I'll start crying...Just know that I'm trying too. 

Always, Dave.

*sigh*  THAT is exactly why I married him.

All I can say is that I think marriage is worth fighting for and many people are too quick to give up on it

I know!  I t amazes me how many people get arried and then after 2 years or so get divorced.....without really trying.  Without going to counselling or really doing things for each other.

 

All I can say is that I think marriage is worth fighting for

May God, Karma and the force bless you both. 

I know what you mean about people changing during separations. I see it every day....with so many deployments, couples are rapidly learning that marriage doesn't just coast along. But then again, if it's worth having, it's worth working for. Out of the pitifully few years we have actually lived together, HW and I have learned that . And no matter what changes come, I am DETERMINED to make it through WITH him, because otherwise it just isn't worth it.

I know that you will make it....after all, you remember the most important part: You love each other

Thank you for a beautiful tribute to marriage... for the reminder that love is not just a feeling, but it's a choice -- a decision. God bless you both AND your marriage.

I am sorry to hear you are having relationship troubles. That is a great attitude to take towards it, though. You're right, you only have one marriage, and I hope you two can work it out and try to heal it.

Both of you will need a lot patience getting thru this phase. My heart's out for the both of you. I think it'll work out. It's never easy.

If things are worth fighting about they are worth fighting for too.


wow mm how confucian! heh