How can I NOT love him?

Published on September 6, 2005 By dharmagrl In Personal Relationships

I thought that my heart was empty, that I was devoid of any emotion and feeling for him. I had searched and searched, hoping to find an ember of desire.....and all I found within myself was cold darkness.

But as I watch him sleeping, I feel that fire ignite and begin to warm me again. He looks so innocent laying there, like he never said a mean word or had a nasty thought in his entire life. His lips slightly parted, his breath buzzing away at the back of his throat...I wonder where he is right now and what he's doing in his dreams. I wonder if I'm there too....

How can I NOT love him? How can I not forgive him for the things he's said and done? We all make mistakes, we all say things that we don't mean, we all lash out when we're hurt or frustrated or tired. I do it all the time....so why do I hold him to a higher standard than I hold myself to? Instead of focusing on all the wrongs we've inflicted upon each other, we should be focusing on all the rights. We should be able to let the days transgressions slip from our shoulders as we kiss each other goodnight, and we should fall asleep with our slates wiped clean.

How can I NOT love this man? As hard as I try, even when I'm hurt by him and angry with him, I simply cannot imagine my life without him in it. Every dream I have, every goal I set for myself involves him in some way. I can't envision a time when I'm NOT his wife, when we're not together. A life apart is unimaginable, even when we're hurling harsh words at each other and beating each other with percieved wrongs.

As much as we try to convince ourselves that we've grown apart in many ways over the years, we've actually grown together in more ways. Yes, there are differences, but that's not a bad thing because we don't compete constantly. I leave some things to him; he leaves some things to me. He's taught me some about his world, and I have taught him some of mine. Our common goals are the same, our visions of life after the military are the same. We both want the same things for ourselves, for our family. We're more alike than we are different, if that makes sense.

How can I NOT love this man?

I can't not love him. It's impossible.

(ALWAYS)

Comments

uDigItTheMost

on Sep 07, 2005

What a wonderful article.

It made me think of my own relationship. Our relationship isn't perfect, whose is? I, like you, have been guilty of holding my loved one to a higher standard than I hold to myself.

I met her unexpectly. When I least expected to fall in love she came into my life. I can't picture being with anyone else. I don't want to picture anyone else.

You both sound lucky to have each other. But I really don't know. So I will tell you this, whether it's you that's lucky, him that's lucky or both who are lucky, Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am.

dharmagrl

on Sep 07, 2005

You both sound lucky to have each other. But I really don't know. So I will tell you this, whether it's you that's lucky, him that's lucky or both who are lucky, Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am.

We ARE lucky, and we both know it. Yes, things have sucked recently, but they'll get better. No-one's life is perfect, everyone has rough times....and it's your ability to weather out those rough times as a couple that really make or break your marriage.

We've ridden out some really rough stuff, and we can ride this out too.

I'm glad that you're lucky too.

TasT

on Sep 07, 2005

Dharma,
I'm glad to see you realize this and I'm very happy for you! Now I just hope that D Can have a simular revelation! You Fuss bout D but even then I can see the love for him in your words!

TasT thinks ya'll just need to learn to talk openly bout everything, that's what 2step and I do and so far no major conflicts.......

dharmagrl

on Sep 07, 2005

You Fuss bout D but even then I can see the love for him in your words!

TasT thinks ya'll just need to learn to talk openly bout everything, that's what 2step and I do and so far no major conflicts.......

Yeah, I fuss about him...but yeah, I love him.

We ALWAYS talk openly, TasT. That's not our problem. Our problem (we have both decided) is him being gone for 6 or 7 months out of a year, and when he IS home he's working 14 hour days 5 days a week AND getting called in on the weekends. It's a huge strain on him, and it affects me and the kids too. It's really easy to say 'talk openly', but you have to have time together in order to do that....and that's one of the things we haven't had much of recently.

DrDonald

on Sep 07, 2005

Speaking as a guy, we can be pretty stupid. My guess is that D needs you to be there for him at least as much as you need him. I've been married 22 years. It keeps on getting better, really it does, with every challenge that we handle together. Part of it though, is that I'm beginning to grow up. It takes us guys a little longer, that's all.

dharmagrl

on Sep 08, 2005

My guess is that D needs you to be there for him at least as much as you need him. I've been married 22 years. It keeps on getting better, really it does, with every challenge that we handle together.

I know that he needs me, he's told me that he does. I like being there for him to lean on if he needs to....

The things that do not break us only serve to make us stronger. We've survived some things that would have sent other people to the divorce courts.....and it's only served to strengthen that bond between us.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!