In light of the events concerning my health in the past couple of weeks I am again questioning whether or not I should search for my biological parents.
I have been asked countless times recently if I have a family history of cancer, heart disease, diabetes etc...and I always have to answer 'I don't know"...because I don't.
I was born in June 1969 at the Radcliffe Infirmary in Oxford, England. I was a forceps delivery and weighed in at 6lb 13 oz. My mother's name was Veronica Howse, she was 21 at the time of my birth and unmarried. I don't know my father's name; the only information I have about him is that he had dark hair and eyes and was in the process of obtaining a divorce from his wife.
My mother had sudden and total kidney failure 6 months into her pregnancy with me. I don't know the cause, I don't know the outcome, but I do know that it's not something that's hereditary. Her illness played a large part in her decision to give me up for adoption: she wasn't certain of her own future, let alone mine. I was placed in foster care when I was 6 days old, and stayed there for 6 weeks.
The couple who adopted me (my parents) had one child of their own but were unable to have any more: my Mum has Rh- factor and my Dad has Rh+ factor. Basically my Mum could become pregnant, but would miscarry - her body regarded the fetus as an invader and would destroy and expel it. I think she had close to 10 miscarriages over a 13 year period. She and my Dad desperately wanted more children, so they applied to adopt.
They bought me into their family when I was a little under 2 months old. Thye never made a secret of the fact that I was adopted, I've always known. When I was 4 I used to go to school and tell the other kids that I was special because my Mummy and Daddy chose me and theirs had to put up with what they got. I had a birthmark on my upper right arm that my Mum told me was my "adoption spot"...it turned cancerous in '99 and had to be removed, but I still think of it as my "adoption spot". Over the years I thought about my biological parents, but never really had the urge or felt the need to go search for them. I felt happy, loved and accepted where I was: I felt that I had a family; I didn't need to go look for another. My Mum and Dad are just that: my parents. I've never considered them not to be my 'real' parents, they raised me, loved me, provided for me, did what they could for me - I think that qualifies them as parents. Just because they didn't provide the sperm and ovum necessary to get the ball rolling dosen't diminish their role any in my eyes.
Once, in 1988, whilst I was still living in the UK, I went to the National Registry and hand searched my mother's name....came up with a marriage certificate but nothing else. Since the dawn of the internet I've searched one other time, in a 'just for fun' way...and didn't come up with anything. To tell the truth, I was relieved. I wasn't ready to find them then...heck, I don't know if i'm ready to find them now.
So, I'm having quite a quandary about searching for my biological parents. I know that I need to search, basically because I need the information about their medical histories - but am I prepared for all the other stuff that may come along with that information? Am I prepared to make them a part of my life (if they're still living)? How will they fit in to this nice little package I have created for myself? What kind of a relationship do I want to have with them - and as harsh as it sounds, do I really want to have ANY relationship with them? I'm not worried about my parent's reaction to my searching, they've always made it known that it was my decision and that if I wanted to they'd be supportive. I'm worried about MY reaction. On the one hand, I'd like to know who I resemble, whose traits I have inherited....but I'm not sure that I'd want to have an ongoing relationship with them, and I think I'd feel obligated to do that if I were to find them.
What to do? I don't know. I know that I need to search, that I probably should search, but am I ready to? I don't know....