You know, Ive been fooling around with my guitar for about a month now.  I had a week long hiatus when I caught my thumb in the rat trap and couldnt play, and even after that I haven't been exactly dilligent about playing daily. The last time I played, i got frustrated and disgusted with myself because I couldn't get the strum pattern for a song right....and I got even more frustrated because I couldn't get co-ordinated enough to sing and play at the same time. It put me right off pla...

I talked to D yesterday morning. The first thing he said was "I love you, and I'm going to try and come home.  I don't want you to do this by yourself". Apparently there's a policy where he's at the personnel can take emergency leave.  Dunno for how long, but he said something about 2 weeks.  The military would fly him to the US, and then we'd have to pay for his tickets to St Louis...which would be about $300 according to Expedia.com. There's also a chance that, if my fa...

I have a new friend. His name is Bob. Bob's awesome.  Bob takes care of my needs.  He doesn't complain.  He doesn't fall asleep at inopportune times. He doesn't talk much, but that's okay.  He's kind of cold, and he has a funny smell....but I can overlook that. Bob has moved in whilst my husband's gone.  He's living in my bedroom.....  

So, after weeks of saying that I'm not going to this sex toy party.....I'm going. I don't want to go.  It's not my scene.  But...my friend is having the party, so it's the right thing for me to do.  I'm going to go to show my support to her...and for the free booze.  Hey, if I have to go, I can at least have a beer to take the edge off, right? I feel like a total pushover right now.  I'm not usually like this, I usually have no problems voicing my opinion (ask ...

I was listening to 'Dust In The Wind' by Kansas earlier (trying to hear the chord changes and fingering patterns so I can try and play it)....and I was struck at how Buddhist-y the lyrics are. 'I close my eyes only for a moment then the moment's gone.... ...All we do crumbles to the gound though we refuse to see..... ....dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind'   It's true.  We humans have patted ourselves on the back and congratulated ourselves at being ...

I'm getting me some T Shirts.  One that says 'Air Force Wife: answering the call of duty so you don't have to'  and another that says 'Deployment Surivior'. I am both these things...and more. This separation has finally sunk in.  The fact that I'm not going to see his face in person until fall has hit me, and it hit me hard.  That I'm a single parent again, that I'm responsible for everyone and everything in this damn house, that I'm physically not in the greate...

I was setting a rat trap earlier and it snapped shut on my thumb!  OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! I now have a purple, swollen thumb that hurts like a SOB. Can you break your thumb on a rat trap?

So, I just got back from the ER.  The stone is gone down into my bladder and the pain and fever are due to a kidney infection...but check this out:  I have 2 kidney's fused together on the right side.  One is kind of a half kidney, it never really formed properly, and has probably been slightly infected forever because the ureter that comes off of it is dilated.  So, I have to go see a nephrologist now to see if that needs any additional treatment. My daughter h...

I'm faced with having to go to the ER again today.  I still haven't got rid of this stone, and I'm running a fever...they told me if that happened I was supposed to go in, and because there's no clinic today, the ER is the only place to go. Every time I go in there, I see people who really have no business being there.  People who bring their kids in because they have runny noses.  People who have hangnails that they want clipped because they are "bothering" them (don't laugh, ...

...and I can sleep. But no, I have no pennyroyal tea.  I can't still the life inside of me.  I am tired.  I'm tired of everything.  Tired of being in pain, tired of being alone, tired of running a house single handed, tired of being a single parent, tired of having no help and no support, tired of writing, tired of reading, tired of pettiness, tired of bullshit....I'm just fucking tired of it all.  I have this voice inside of me that tells me I can be strong, ...