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Published on May 11, 2006 By dharmagrl In Misc
I just spent the last 12 hours sitting with a man who is dying of cancer.

When I walked into his room this morning he showed all the signs of being minutes away from death.

12 hours later when I finally acquiesed and went home, he was still exhibiting the same signs.

I watched as his priest came in and gave him absolution from his sins.

I held his hand and we talked - about any and everything.

His body doesn't want to give up; it's still fighting what the cancer has done to him.

If he's still fighting tomorrow, I'll go back and sit with him again.

I learned some things today: I learned that we as a society regard our elderly as throw-away citizens, we make them not count because of their age and inability to provide anything we consider meaningful. We negate them as citizens and sometimes as people.

I learned that I don't ever want to live in a nursing home when I'm at the end of my days.

I learned that death cannot be hurried, that it will come in it's own good time and that there is no rhyme or even reason to it.

And finally, I learned what cancer smells like.

Comments
on May 12, 2006
I just got word that he died about 2 hours after I left.

He's at peace now, and for that I am grateful.
on May 12, 2006
May he rest in peace.


You're doing a great job Dharma, not an easy one and I commend you for it.



It's hard when death comes to someone, either they are at peace and ready to let go or they are still trying to hold on to life.
on May 12, 2006
It's hard when death comes to someone, either they are at peace and ready to let go or they are still trying to hold on to life.


You know, I think it was just that his body wasn't ready to quit it's fight for survival. I was amazed at it's strength - I've seen the bodies of younger, healthier people just up and quit over what seems to be a lot less. This man was incredibly strong.
on May 12, 2006
Cancer has a horrible smell..I cleaned for a man who had stomach/intestinal cancer, and now my aunt has lung cancer. I don't know if its the chemo, but there is always a pungent metallic smell to their sweat...or was with my two experiences.

Good on ya D for doing this. Not many people do.
on May 12, 2006
It sounds like you learned a few things, most of them bitter


No, not at all. This is the second patient that i've sat vigilance for, and they've both been wonderful experiences. It was the nursing home that upset me - I came home and made a couple of people promise to kill me before they let me be placed in a home (or ship me to the Netherlands where physician assisted suicide is legal).

I am fully aware of my patient's circumstances, and I KNOW that there wasn't any other option but for him to be placed in this facility until he died. Confidentiality prevents me from saying anything else, so I'll just leave it at that.

Sitting vigilance for people is an incredibly rewarding thing, and I'm glad that I've chosen to do it.
on May 12, 2006
Cancer has a horrible smell..I cleaned for a man who had stomach/intestinal cancer


I too know that smell, and no, it's not the chemotherapy that causes it. The cancer ravages a person's body and it causes chemical changes to occur - that's what causes the smell.

I'm going to write an article further explaining my nursing home experience tomorrow. It's a difficult thing for me to talk about because I saw such suffering there.
on May 14, 2006
12 hours at the end of a life... 12 hours that changed yours forever.

Yes, we seem to be so busy worshipping the energy, excitement and beauty of youth that we forget that our older folks have something much more meaningful to pass along. Experience is a great teacher (although pretty rough at times), but we rarely seek out a knowledge of the passed. Unless it is presented in a neat little 30 minute package (with time out for station identification, of course).

Isn't it sad that we would rather sit and watch something on the history channel than sit and talk with someone who was actually there? The fact that you have taken the time to sit, listen and really be there for people as they count down their last hours (whether it be in misery or bliss) shows that you are different... You are among those who would rather experience than watch.
on May 14, 2006
oh what Ted said Dharma, so well said....

you really are on a life-altering path now, nothing can change that.
and it's a good path.