It's been a rough week.  A very rough week, actually.

I lost 2 patients.  One passed away on Tuesday, very peacefully.

The other....took a little time.  I spent half of Wednesday, all of Thursday, and I got called at 3am this morning to go back and be with her because the end was near.  She passed away a few hours after dawn this morning, and I'm glad that she's free of pain and suffering now.

There were a couple of high points to this week, but one of them I can't tell you about.  I'd LOVE to be able to tell, you confidentiality prevents me from saying anything about it.  I can tell you the other high point, though:  my boss at the hospice thinks I'm great and wants to have me cloned, according to some of the other members of staff.  I also got a 'thank you' from the family of patient who I sat vigilance with a few weeks ago, and a huge 'thank you' from the family of the lady I spent 3 days with this week.

I don't accept praise well, and I don't know why.  It's the same way with compliments - I just don't know how to graciously accept a compliment.  Praise makes me uncomfortable.  I just don't think that what I do is that outstanding; I simply don't feel that I'm all that and then some.  I don't know why that is....perhaps years of put-downs and being the butt of snide and nasty jokes have left my self-esteem dented and broken. 

I'm tired.  The past few days have been emotionally exhausting, not to mention physically taxing.  I'm going to go to bed early tonight and hopefully when I wake tomorrow I'll be feeling refreshed and ready to enjoy the holiday weekend.

I wish that these patients knew how much being able to care for them means to me.  It's been an incredible experience, one that I hope to continue.  I've learned so much about people and life and love....I've witnessed some truly remarkable and awe inspiring things.

So long, ladies. Thank you for allowing me the honor of caring for you and your families in your final days and hours.  I won't forget you.