I'm faced with having to go to the ER again today.  I still haven't got rid of this stone, and I'm running a fever...they told me if that happened I was supposed to go in, and because there's no clinic today, the ER is the only place to go. Every time I go in there, I see people who really have no business being there.  People who bring their kids in because they have runny noses.  People who have hangnails that they want clipped because they are "bothering" them (don't laugh, ...

This is my 588th article. That means that I'm 12 articles away from 600 (and some of you will know what significance that holds). Wow.  That's a huge amount of crap to have churned out. I think that I'm going to start cutting and printing.

...and I can sleep. But no, I have no pennyroyal tea.  I can't still the life inside of me.  I am tired.  I'm tired of everything.  Tired of being in pain, tired of being alone, tired of running a house single handed, tired of being a single parent, tired of having no help and no support, tired of writing, tired of reading, tired of pettiness, tired of bullshit....I'm just fucking tired of it all.  I have this voice inside of me that tells me I can be strong, ...

Man, this is some sexy ass shit right here.....   She said she wanted to have sex with strings attached; Only to her arms and wrist. Said she had, had her heart broken far too many times to even consider walking down that road again She said she only wanted to partake, in the physical. Said she, wanted me to fill her chest, with my treasure; Then afterwards, pretend like I had never even met her. But there was something about the way her insides taste after they had ...

*warning - my truth filter is broken* I'm reminded of that song that came out a few years ago.... "she likes me for me, not because I look like Leonardo Or that guy who played in 'Fargo' I think his name is Steve" He loves me for me.  Not what I am, but who I am.  Not who I have the potential to be....me, right now. Me, in all my scarred and faithless glory. Me, in my weakness and in my strength.  Me, when I'm cring and raging and drunk and stupid. He lo...

How much can one person change before they lose sight of themselves completely? I've changed, and I've changed for the wrong damn reasons.  Some of the change has been for me....but most of it has been for someone else, because it's been easier to change than it has been to live with that person without changing (read that twice and it will make sense, trust me). When he's here, I can't be myself.  Not totally.  It pisses him off.  I piss him off. It's just ea...

Back in July, I posted for your viewing pleasure a pciture of my kids sporting the tin foil hats they had created for themselves: Earlier this evening, I discovered that Moby had gotten in on our gig: Things that make you go 'hmmmmmmm'.....

I'm having a little get together at my house today. I'm teaching people how to meditate and about the basic precepts of Buddhism. 'Teaching' is really the wrong word to use....it's more of a guidance process.  I'm not telling them anything they don't already know; I'm just opening the door and pointing them in the direction of the dharma path. It's going to be good for me to have other people to talk to about this; I've been practicing mainly solo thus far and a sangha (community) ...

You ask me if I miss you when you call. You ask me if I think about you often. The answer is no, I don't think about you often. I think about you all the damn time. When I wake up in the morning, before I'm fully aware of my surroundings I roll over and expect to find you there.  When my hand reaches out to find nothing but cold sheet and emptiness, my heat sinks to my stonach and I want to cry. You're there when I'm drinking coffee and reading the paper.  You're there w...

I'm watching 'Chicks that Rock' on VH1 with my 12 year old daughter. There's some girl on there who's shirt is pretty low cut and tight....it looks like her boobs are canteloupe havles stuck on her chest and if she takes a deep breath they're going to come busting out of her top. Shea looked at this for a couple of seconds and muttered "Man, she needs to put a shirt on or something". I'm so proud of her for saying that.  She's such a straight arrow, is our Shea...she has a moral co...

I got invited to a lingerie party.  Actually, it's more of a sex toy party, but they just call it lingerie.  Dunno why, everyone knows what it's about....but I guess 'dildo paty' wouldn't have quite the same ring to it, huh?! I don't want to go.  I said that I didn't want to go.  "But your husband's gone for 6 months....you're gonna need SOMETHING" was the response. Well, no, I don't. I don't like vibrators.  I don't derive much pleasure from inanimate objects....

I scored myself a cheap food dehydrator this morning ($3 at the thrift store). I had one a few years ago, but it broke and I never replaced it.  I used to buy all kinds of fruit when it was on sale and dry it, and my husband had a recipe for killer beef jerky...really tasty and much better than store bought stuff. I'm drying some strawberries this afternoon, and I'm going to try my hand at some fruit 'leathers' this weekend.  Those are basically pureed fruit (any kind) spread out...

Instead of just farting around with this guitar, I've decide to take it slightly more seriously. Instead of listening to tunes and decipering them by myself, I'm lookin at the written strum patterns and trying to play them they way they were meant to be played. In other words, I'm taking some virtual lessons, and it's kicking my ass.  Most of what I thought I knew how to do, I apparently wasn't doing quite right.  That's what happens when your neighbor with no formal training tea...

I made the second trip to the ER in a week tonight. I had to take my son in because his brother busted his nose in a fist fight. I have one boy with a black eye and bruised ribs, and another with a busted snout and a healing split lip from the last altercation (which was why we were there last week for visit number one). I'm tired of refereeing these fights.  I'm tired of wading in and breaking them up.  I'm tired of them fighting over every damn thing.  I'm tired of litt...