I'm so tired...

Published on April 7, 2005 By dharmagrl In Misc

...and I can sleep.

But no, I have no pennyroyal tea. I can't still the life inside of me.

I am tired. I'm tired of everything. Tired of being in pain, tired of being alone, tired of running a house single handed, tired of being a single parent, tired of having no help and no support, tired of writing, tired of reading, tired of pettiness, tired of bullshit....I'm just fucking tired of it all.

I have this voice inside of me that tells me I can be strong, that I can carry all of this, that I can make it...but you know what? I'm tired of carrying all this crap. I'm tired of making it, or having broad shoulders. I want to be weak for a while, I want someone to look after me for a change.

I want to run away. I want a break.

Apparently that's too much to ask.

Comments

Dr Guy

on Apr 07, 2005

Apparently that's too much to ask.

Since you became an adult. Perservere.

dharmagrl

on Apr 07, 2005

Since you became an adult. Perservere.

I understand that I have responsibilities, however......I'm carrying other people's responsibilities for them too, and I am unable to share my burden with anyone else. I've been in pain for 3 weeks with this stupid kidney stone...all I'm asking for is a little help, and I'm not getting it. I never do. I'm the one in the family that has tp be strong all the time, and for once I'd like to be able to NOT be strong. I'd like to have a little break down, be taken care of instead of being the one taking care of others.

I'm done.

island_gurl12

on Apr 07, 2005

Tell them, that you're tired and in pain, that you need a little help. They may be too used to relying on you and dont realize that you're just human as well.

Be safe hun...

=HUGS=

Shovelheat

on Apr 07, 2005

I always fall back on this when I feel that way Link

It pulls me through to know the ones before me went through so much worse. Hang in there, girl! Ya gotta friend in me & I'd help you if I could!

Janders

on Apr 07, 2005

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. I wish we were closer and I would be right over to take care of you!!! You are strong, and after this is over hopefully you can look back and see that it made you even stronger!!!

Love ya,
Joey

Texas Wahine

on Apr 07, 2005

Girl, you are stressed out to the max...not that you didn't already know that.

Here are a few Texas Wahine tested and approved suggestions:

1. Spend a night with the girls and some Colorado Bulldogs laughing and crying...follow up with cocktails for breakfast. Then find some old dishes and bash the hell out of them in your backyard. If you don't have enough to spare, break what you have and then buy a new set.

2. Plan a kick-ass day where you get everything you possibly can done...really pack it in there...then the next day, while you're high on accomplishment, do anything or nothing...have a you day...yoga, bubblebaths, shopping, reading, visiting a museum, whatever it is that turns you on completely.

3. Have a "worst day of your life" (my dad sent me something on how to do this a few months ago when I was having so many problems and crying and struggling to do anything everyday). What you do is...send the kids to school...then get into your jammies and pull out wedding albums, photo albums, letters from your husband, anything and everything emotional to you...you look over these things and allow yourself to be completely overcome with emotion...get depressed...get angry...bawl your eyes out all day...don't stop...just torture yourself all day...at the end of the "worst day" you will be tired of crying...all that pent up emotion and stress will have poured out of you. You will suddenly feel light and you won't want to feel all that junk that you've been carrying around anymore.

None of these things will help the kidney stone pain, I know, but they will do wonders for your emotional state.

Best wishes.

dharmagrl

on Apr 07, 2005

Tell them, that you're tired and in pain, that you need a little help

I did, but he's in the desert...gone, again. He's not much help from there.

Hang in there, girl! Ya gotta friend in me & I'd help you if I could!

Aww, Shovel! Thank you...you made me cry.

You are strong, and after this is over hopefully you can look back and see that it made you even stronger!!!

I know, but I don't feel very strong right now. I just want to fall to pieces.

Here are a few Texas Wahine tested and approved suggestions:

You know, you made me cry with that one too. Damn, I blubbed the entire way through this article and the responses.....

...thank you all very , very much. I mean it....

Dr Guy

on Apr 07, 2005

No,You are not! yes you have an issue.

Stop it!

You are greater than that! You can and will get over it. It hurts! And no one can mitigate that.

But you will.

Knock it off. You are an adult. Now, others depend upon you. Leave the pitty pat behind.

We care but only you can make a difference. We can only offer support.

dharmagrl

on Apr 07, 2005

Knock it off. You are an adult. Now, others depend upon you. Leave the pitty pat behind.

Leave it to Dr Guy to give me a kick in the ass.

I have a fever. I'm going to bed. It'll all be fine tomorrow, I'm sure.

Oh, and thank you all for your support...especially you, DG. I needed that.

dynamaso

on Apr 08, 2005

Man, I am so sorry I missed this early, Dharma. For the sake of repeating myself - STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP. Sure, it is hard at the moment. But you aren't alone. You know it. Aside from your friends here, you have three children who are looking to you to be their mother. I know I might not have any right to say this, not having any children myself, and maybe I am stepping out of line but you know your attitude has a direct affect on them too.

Look, I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I can't imagine how hard it must be, particularly at the moment when your health is also low. If I could counsel anything at the moment, I would simply say try and be more mindful. And know there are those here who really care for you.

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