I got invited to a lingerie party.  Actually, it's more of a sex toy party, but they just call it lingerie.  Dunno why, everyone knows what it's about....but I guess 'dildo paty' wouldn't have quite the same ring to it, huh?!

I don't want to go.  I said that I didn't want to go. 

"But your husband's gone for 6 months....you're gonna need SOMETHING" was the response.

Well, no, I don't. I don't like vibrators.  I don't derive much pleasure from inanimate objects.  I never have.  I don't know why....it's not from lack of trying, I can assure you of that.  Over the years (or deployments, however you want to look at it) I've tried a variety of different toys in many colors and shapes and sizes.  None of them have really done anything for me. 

I've tried hard plastic ones, I've tried soft plastic ones.  I've tried ones that look like the real deal, and ones that look nothing like any part of the male anatomy that I've ever seen.  I've tried ones that look like butterflies, and ones that look like dolphns.  I've tried ones that were battery operated and ones that you had to plug into the wall (don't laugh). I've tried ones that didn't do much and left you to do all the work yourself, and ones that did everything but light you a smoke and pour you a drink afterwards.......I've tried just about everything.

Bits of plastic that buzz and hum just aren't my gig.  They're really not.  I do better with...well, with my own hand than I do with anything artificial.  And yes, I do enjoy it, I'm not afraid to admit it.

So why can't my girl friends take 'no' for an answer?  Why is it so hard to understand that whilst I'm pretty open about sex and masturbation, the thought of attending one of these 'parties' makes me cringe.  I think a lot of that has to do with the other chicks that will be there...we really have little in common, apart from the fact that we live on the same street.  If it were my JU sisters who were throwing this shindig, I'd feel differently (can you imagine that? Myself, LW, Karma, Jill, Shades, Trina, Alison, X-tine, Janders, Lifehappens etc etc...all of us in a room full of booze and sex toys?  The mind boggles.....hehe)...but as it is, the combination of not liking the implements on sale and feeling like I have nothing in common with the hostesses...well, it's making me really uncomfortable.

So, I think I'm going to find a conveinient excuse to not go.  Perhaps one of my kids will be sick or somehting...

...and me and my hand will have a lovely evening at home together.