Add this to the list of things I don't understand

Published on June 17, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc

I went to the pet store yesterday, mainly to get a crab but also to see the girl that works there.

She was pregnant, and due on June 1st...I knew she must have delivered by now and I wanted to see if my prediction of a baby girl was correct.

It was. She had a little girl, on the 1st, right when she was supposed to. The baby was under 7lbs, the labor was easy, delivery unremarkable. Perfect, right?

Wrong. Her little girl has Down's Syndrome. She was diagnosed with it 3 days after her birth. There was no indication of it during the pregnancy, and Kate did everything she was supposed to do as far as tests, ultrasounds et al are concerned.

I looked at baby pictures whilst I was there, and this baby looks like any other newborn I've seen. I looked for the typical characteristics...low set ears, the almond eyes, the flattened nose, and really didn't see anything that screamed 'Down's' at me....what I did see was a beautiful little girl with her mom's dark hair and an angelic face. A little girl who would, but for that one extra chromosone, been 'normal'.

As for Kate and Danny...well, Kate has a big heart. Nuff said. Danny is still in denial...he says that it would be easier to accept if she looked like a child with Down's, but she doesn't. Neither of them are bad people. They work hard, they don't crap on their fellow man, which makes this harder to take.

Just another thing to add to the long list of stuff I don't understand. I mean, I understand that shit happens, but why does it always happen to nice folks? How often do you see evil people having retarded babies?

This just goes further to reinforce my idea that their either is no god, or if there is, he's sleeping.

Comments (Page 1)

Mr_Frog

on Jun 17, 2004

Well, if there is a God, he's a prick. A lot of bad shit seems to happen to good people in the name of humility, but bad people don't seem to get punished.

"God loves you" my ass.

Yeah, my hatred maked baby Jesus cry. He can tell his dad to kiss my ass.

Tell them congrats on the baby girl. Was it a DNA test that concluded she had Down's? Besides, Down's people can live semi-normal lives...it's just a little more challenging for everyone. I'm sure they'll be OK.

-- B

Joe98

on Jun 17, 2004

If anything, God is wide awake. First of all, do we know God's mind to even define "mean people"? We never know the full person, even those we love most do we? I feel God blessed those people immensely with this child. That child is forever in the Kingdom, if his parents pay attention, she will show them the way.

dharmagrl

on Jun 17, 2004

I did tell them congrats, and I'll pass alongs yours as well. I think it was a blood test that cinched it. I wask asking BlueDev last night if there was any correlation between physical characteristics and the degree of retardation in the hope that if she didn't look like a Down's child she wouldn't be too badly affected. He said he couldn't find anything. I know that it's hardly a death sentence, but even so.....every parent hopes for a perfect baby, and these two were let down.

God, if he exists, let them down.

dharmagrl

on Jun 17, 2004

Apparently the Bible, being God's word and his intention, knows what 'bad' and 'evil' people are. It sure tells people what to do to live a 'good' life pretty explicitly.

Yeah, god 'blessed' them, then he dropped his pants a took a big ol' dump on them.

Joe98

on Jun 17, 2004

Yeah, god 'blessed' them, then he dropped his pants a took a big ol' dump on them.

Ok, that's your opinion. They should blame God ( or the truth, or The Way Things Really Are- if you don't like the religious language) and dwell in resentment and self pity.

trina_p

on Jun 17, 2004

"How often do you see evil people having retarded babies?"

Perhaps He know's that anyy babyy put in the arms of Kate and Danny would be loved and cared for - Had this particular angel been put in anothers hands she might have ended up as one of the children in the "Garden of Angels" - a woman who doesn't want a baby in the first place would have alot more problems with a Down Syndrome child then with a perfectly healthy one.

My "cousin" (my mother's brother's wife's child with another man - so really no relation) was born healthy and three days later they found she had small lungs and heart - she was on oxygen and machines had 3 operations before her 2nd birthday --- she had some disease that's completely unheard of in Australia and I can't remember what it was and she had to be treated in the USA. She was the most beautiful child.

Often some of the most beautiful children, with the biggest hearts are the ones not "born normal"

God's word says He never gives us anything we can not handle we just have to look to Him to take the burden. I don't mean to preach I'm just saying that this baby had to be given to someone and maybe He thought Kate & Danny would be the best people for the job - she'll bring them great joy - as all children do.

dharmagrl

on Jun 17, 2004

They should blame God ( or the truth, or The Way Things Really Are- if you don't like the religious language) and dwell in resentment and self pity.

They're not blaming anyone, nor are they the kind of people who've ever felt sorry for themselves. They're accepting of the way things are, and they deal with them accordingly. They and I both know that shit happens, sometimes for no reason. Their child is the result of what's basically a genetic accident. It just pisses me off to see people who are basically assholes getting the best things in life and those who are decent, ordinary folks getting crapped on.

Trina, I see your point, I really do. I just wish that sometime I could see this kind of thing happen to someone who lied and stole and cheated and shit on their fellow human to get what they have.

trina_p

on Jun 17, 2004

But my point is if this kind of thing happened to one of those kinds of people - the life of the child could be in danger - because if they've lied, stole and cheated etc what makes them capable of caring for and taking responsibilty of a child that will require twice as much attention not to mention medical expenses etc.

WHAT I don't understand is how the same people you're talking about can have multiple children and treat them like crap, and there's a HUGE waiting list and all this criteria about how old you are and where your income is to adopt a child - any moron can conceive and some of the best parents in the world have no child to parent.

Poetmom99

on Jun 17, 2004

I've got a book I'm planning to start tomorrow, called Why?, written by Anne Graham Lotz, that deals with several questions like that....I'll blog on it when I finish it, if I find anything I feel is worth sharing. That's one of the toughest things for me to come to terms with in my faith, so I'm hoping this book will give me some insights, you know?

wnx_decoy

on Jun 17, 2004

Just to clearify before I get started, I believe God is wide awake and he's not being "unfare" to these people.

You do realize that God created, along with everything else, science. Now, if he just said, "Ok, this baby is going to these people, and this babies going to be a twin with this one..." I think it would be a lot harder to say he's the almighty creater.

I guess the point that I just tried to make is that God isn't punishing them, he's just letting what he created (everything including reproduction) do it's thing.

Why is it's God's fault when things aren't "perfect"? To be honest, I don't think it is HIS fault. It's just what has to be due to the nature of man. If every child was born and lived perfectly than we'd be communistic wouldn't we? lol

Capt. over and out!

Phoenixboi

on Jun 17, 2004

Dharmagrl... makes most people feel that they are damn lucky! I understand where your coming from. Ive also learnt a big lesson in my life. That things always happen for a reason. We may not see it at first sight but in hindsight. It's how we deal with the situations we are given that makes it worthwhile. They sound like a beautiful couple who will love their baby with alot of love and care. Sounds like you might be there to help them out as well.

Locamama

on Jun 17, 2004

My son has 18q- syndrome mosaic. He is missing a little piece of his 18th chromosome but it is not in every cell that is why it is mosaic. It was very hard to hear when he was diagnosed at two. Especially because this is so rare and we really did not know what we were dealing with. He is ten now and is a great kid. He has needed some extra help at school (occupational therapy etc.) other than that he does great. He was slightly delayed development, walked late etc. There are several things that we have to deal with allergies, asthma, stabismus etc. but nothing overwhelming. If I could send him back and make him "perfect" I wouldn't. This is part of who he is and I wouldn't want him any other way. There is a fabulous essay written by a mom of a child with special needs. I will have to see if I can do a web search and find it. It basically says that having your child born this way is kind of like planning a trip to Italy and then find out instead you are going to Denmark. But Denmark isn't a horrible, dirty awful place, its just different than what you were planning. Also Down's kids are usually extremely loving. I think they are blessed to have this child.

Locamama

on Jun 17, 2004

Imagine that you are planning a trip to Italy. You read all the latest travel books, you consult with friends about what to pack, and you develop an elaborate itinerary for your glorious trip. The day arrives.

You board the plane and settle in with your in-flight magazine, dreaming of trattorias, gondola rides and gelato. However when the plane lands you discover, much to your surprise, you are not in Italy --- you are in Holland. You are greatly dismayed at this abrupt and unexpected change in plans.

You rant and rave to the travel agency, but it does no good. You are stuck. After while, you tire of fighting and begin to look at what Holland has to offer. You notice the beautiful tulips, the kindly people in the wooden shoes, the french fries with mayonnaise, and you think, "this isn't exactly what I planed, but it's not so bad It's just different." Having a child with special needs is suppose to be like this --not any worse than having a typical child -- just different.

Janders

on Jun 17, 2004

I love you Dharma, but I don't think that God is absent in the world. For me, I have wanted a baby for so long, the fact that this child is a disapointment is so sad to me. I belive my hubby and I are kind hearted people and if we are to be blessed with a child that has special needs, it is god's will. I think God gives these children to the "nice people" so that they will be cared for.

dharmagrl

on Jun 17, 2004

I've got a book I'm planning to start tomorrow, called Why?, written by Anne Graham Lotz, that deals with several questions like that

Please do, I'd really like another perspective on it.

It's just what has to be due to the nature of man. If every child was born and lived perfectly than we'd be communistic wouldn't we? lol

So, due to the nature of man, this child just happened to be born like this? That implies that her parents did something wrong, and they didn't. It's a genetic flaw, a freak accident that just happens sometimes. I understand the reasoning of 'why not them' as opposed to 'why them'...because I'm the same way. I'm just mad at the injustice of it all.

Phoenixboi...I knew you, of all people would understand what I meant. I don't know if I agree that everything happens for a reason because I think that people like you and I and Kate and Danny will make the best of anything that comes our way....we will find a reason for things that have happened because it makes it easier for us to deal with it all, dig? Like your disease...you got it, it will kill you, and that's unfair. But, had you not had the disease, would you be the same person you are today? Probably not.

Locamama, I like your description of "it's just not what you were planning". I'll pass that one on.

I find it curious that every time I feel that I'm getting closer to having a relationship with god, something like this happens and it makes me stop and rethink the whole scenario.

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