Add this to the list of things I don't understand

Published on June 17, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc

I went to the pet store yesterday, mainly to get a crab but also to see the girl that works there.

She was pregnant, and due on June 1st...I knew she must have delivered by now and I wanted to see if my prediction of a baby girl was correct.

It was. She had a little girl, on the 1st, right when she was supposed to. The baby was under 7lbs, the labor was easy, delivery unremarkable. Perfect, right?

Wrong. Her little girl has Down's Syndrome. She was diagnosed with it 3 days after her birth. There was no indication of it during the pregnancy, and Kate did everything she was supposed to do as far as tests, ultrasounds et al are concerned.

I looked at baby pictures whilst I was there, and this baby looks like any other newborn I've seen. I looked for the typical characteristics...low set ears, the almond eyes, the flattened nose, and really didn't see anything that screamed 'Down's' at me....what I did see was a beautiful little girl with her mom's dark hair and an angelic face. A little girl who would, but for that one extra chromosone, been 'normal'.

As for Kate and Danny...well, Kate has a big heart. Nuff said. Danny is still in denial...he says that it would be easier to accept if she looked like a child with Down's, but she doesn't. Neither of them are bad people. They work hard, they don't crap on their fellow man, which makes this harder to take.

Just another thing to add to the long list of stuff I don't understand. I mean, I understand that shit happens, but why does it always happen to nice folks? How often do you see evil people having retarded babies?

This just goes further to reinforce my idea that their either is no god, or if there is, he's sleeping.

Comments (Page 2)

dharmagrl

on Jun 17, 2004

For me, I have wanted a baby for so long, the fact that this child is a disapointment is so sad to me.

I don't think that she's a disappointment, not to them. I'm just as confused by what happened to you as I am by what happened to them. I can't accept the theory of a loving god who can intervene and perform miracles with the crap that's going on in the world..people dying, starving, being horribly tortured and abused...if God can intervene, why doesn't he stop it? because we have free will, right? But where's the free will of that child?

Mr_Frog

on Jun 18, 2004

I just wish that sometime I could see this kind of thing happen to someone who lied and stole and cheated and shit on their fellow human to get what they have.

I honestly wouldn't wish this on anyone, as the true victim is the baby itself. Sad, really. The baby is fortunate to have loving parents however, so that is a good thing.

-- B

Mr_Frog

on Jun 18, 2004

Why is it's God's fault when things aren't "perfect"? To be honest, I don't think it is HIS fault. It's just what has to be due to the nature of man.

Because according to all of the religious people that I have spoken to, God is responsible for creation. He created man, he created the sperm and he created the egg. From my understanding, man has no play in creation...he is simply the mechanism behind the act. THAT is why it is God's fault. If God created man in his own image, does God have Down's syndrome then?

But no, God is perfect isn't he? That is why he is divine. This is why I have such an issue with the concept of God.

-- B

ShitsNgiggles

on Jun 18, 2004

How often do you see evil people having retarded babies?

Well, if you believe in some kind of higher power intervention, perhaps its because evil people would make life on the child even more difficult while good decent people will give their child the best life they can, no matter what.

dharmagrl

on Jun 18, 2004

I don't think I do believe. How can evil people who have everything make life more difficult on a child? Good people who have next to nothing but who have to struggle...who are 'blessed' with a child with Down's....like I said, it makes no sense to me.

Mr Frog said it way more eloquently than I ever could have. Thanks, Froggy!

shadesofgrey

on Jun 18, 2004

You rant and rave to the travel agency, but it does no good. You are stuck. After while, you tire of fighting and begin to look at what Holland has to offer. You notice the beautiful tulips, the kindly people in the wooden shoes, the french fries with mayonnaise, and you think, "this isn't exactly what I planed, but it's not so bad It's just different." Having a child with special needs is suppose to be like this --not any worse than having a typical child -- just different.

Locamama--that was insightful. I loved the analogy!

JillUser

on Jun 18, 2004

Locomama, excellent analogy and you are so right about Downs kids being loving. I worked with ADDs (Adult Developmentally Disabled) while in college. The group home for Downs patients was the nicest place. It seemed they were all stuck in that part of childhood when you are sweet, optimistic and unassuming. They were all eager to make friends, eager to show affection and eager to help with anything and everything.

As a Mom, I can relate to the feeling of "why did this happen?!" So many emotions must be coarsing through them. They sound like they will love this girl no matter what but they must be mourning their dreams of all of the "normal" things of life that are now counted out.

Brings the saying "I know God won't give me anything he knows I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much" to mind.

dharmagrl

on Jun 18, 2004

She is their first child, Jill, so I believe that only adds to the feelings of 'why'. They are the kind of people, though, to ask 'why not me' instead of 'why me'....

This has made me think long and hard about my belief system and the things that come with it. It's made me want to shy away from organized religion (read Christianity) even more.

MasonM

on Jun 18, 2004

Sometimes we have to accept the fact that we may never understand the "why" of everything. I know it''s hard as it is our nature to try and make sense of the world around us, but sometimes we just have to settle for "I don't know".

It is impossible for us to see the big picture that is the universe. We are only capable of seeing small pieces, filtered through our viewpoint and experiences. It would be a bit naive to think that we can truly understand it all in it's entirety. There are things which I don't understand either. The situation you've described being one of those things.

I do know people who have children with Down's and other "defects" and if you talk to them you usually find that they feel blessed by having this child in their lives. Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned by raising such a child. We may view it as some horrible to thing to have happen but that is our perspective and may not be entirely correct. I have found these children to be very sweet and loving people and often far brighter than some people give them credit for.

This child may tunr out to be a truly wonderful gift to these people who will enrich their lives far more than a so-called "normal" child ever would.

I know it's nornal to ask "why?" but sometimes it just isn't for us to know the "why" no matter how much we want to know it. I understand some people have a difficult time accepting that. They somehow feel that just isn't sufficient. I understand how they feel because I have a strong sense of "why?" myself, but have learned to accept the fact that there are some things we just will never understand "why".

We judge things based upon our experience and perspective but more often than not that judgement is incomplete or entirely wrong as we just don't have all the facts. We can't see the big picture and never will.

I know this answer is unsatisfactory to many, but it's the best my limited understanding can come up with. There are some things in the universe we can neither control nor fully understand and we either accpet it, rail against it, or become angry because we don't understand. It's a choice as to which way we go.

I prefer to look for the good in all things, and usually find it.

BigDreamer415

on Jun 18, 2004

Perhaps He know's that anyy babyy put in the arms of Kate and Danny would be loved and cared for - Had this particular angel been put in anothers hands she might have ended up as one of the children in the "Garden of Angels" - a woman who doesn't want a baby in the first place would have alot more problems with a Down Syndrome child then with a perfectly healthy one.

My sentiments exactly.

Trina, I see your point, I really do. I just wish that sometime I could see this kind of thing happen to someone who lied and stole and cheated and shit on their fellow human to get what they have.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone, either... doesn't this make you think twice about karma?

Think back to the garden of eden... they screwed it up, they screwed it up for us. They sinned and God told them life would be hard from there on out, and their generations followin. I'm just happy that our "second Adam," Jesus, came and didn't screw up, so that we could be made perfect in heaven. If you really think about it life on this earth is absolutly nothing, it's just a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of our "life," as far as our souls are concerned. That doesn't mean that we should think less of our life here on earth, but sometimes looking at the big picture helps.

~Sarah

Mr_Frog

on Jun 18, 2004

Think back to the garden of eden

Ugh. Another one of those stories that are just as illogical as the "Tower of Babel". Spare me.

-- B

dharmagrl

on Jun 18, 2004

doesn't this make you think twice about karma?

Yeah, and it also makes me think twice about the existence of god. I don't want anything to do with a being that will do this to people to teach them a lesson, to make them more humble, to show them his power and glory.

InfoGeek

on Jun 18, 2004

All my hopes for the new baby.

But this discussion leads me to a question: Doesn’t it seem that God is more reactive than proactive?

Most of the Bible stories I have read have Him reacting to a situation, not acting before the happening to forestall the event.

Just a thought.

IG

dharmagrl

on Jun 18, 2004

Doesn’t it seem that God is more reactive than proactive?

That's because he wants to teach us all lessons. At least, that what christians say. I can think of better ways to learn a lesson though.

You would think that god, in all his divine wisdom, would have remembered that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. (that was sarcasm)

Missi7683

on Jun 18, 2004

I understand your anger towards god and whoever else could be blamed. I felt the same feelings when I had a miscarriage I remember seeing in the paper that a 16 year old girl gave birth to the first baby of the new year in our county. I hated that girl because she was able to have a healthy baby. I resented that a child could give birth and I couldnt. I guess what I am saying is take comfort that your friends can have their child with them,healthy or not. They can hold her and love her everyday even though she is not as healthy as everyone would have hoped.

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