(by Henry, dharma's daschshund) Today was pretty boring.  My momma stayed in bed for a really long time - she was in there when The Big Guy told me to gopotty and she was there when the Little Guy and the Littlest Guy and Tall Girl and The Big Guy all went out and it scared me because usually my momma is in the room where they cook at and she wasn't there today, she was in her bed still.  I got really worried about her and so I went and jumped up and down by the side of her bed unti...

(In case anyone doesn't know, Henry is my daschshund - aka weiner dog) Ok, so like this is what I did today.... First The Big Guy came and knocked on the Little Guy's room and I was sleeping and it scared me and I didn't know who it was so I barked and The Big Guy told me shaddup dawg it's only me.  So then the Little Guy got up and told me to go outside and so I did and I took care of my business and then barked to let them know I was done and The Big Guy said shaddup Henry but he op...

Like many mothers and wives, I'm always on the lookout for new recipes and different meal ideas to feed my family for supper.  I have a rotating menu of things - tacos, spaghetti, lasagne, pork chops, stir fry chicken, different varieties of Hamburger Helper (Cheesy Hashbrowns are our favorite), shepherd's pie, steak and onion pie, roast beef....those are but a few of the things that are served for dinner chez Dharma. But they're old.  We've had them over and over and over again for...

I've going to start bellydancing.  I've been doing yoga for ages, but to be honest my heart's simply not in it anymore.  The on base classes have changed and I don't care for the new ones. The surgery has made it hard for me to attain and hold some of the poses, and some of them are simply not physically possible for me to do anymore.  I've been trying to find some way to reignite my passion for yoga, but I've been failing miserably.  Ever since I wrote the...

This was originally about Ashley Grace's baby blanket, but there's another thing going on right now that falls under the title 'a work in progress' too. This baddest of bad-ass baby blankets is really coming along well:   The stitch that I'm using has a right side and a wrong side to it, much like a piece of printed fabric.  In the photo the wrong side is facing the camera - the right side is much nicer to look at.  Also, the colors don't show well; the lilac ...

...so I can be ready to go. I'm not leaving home, I'm making a 'vigilance' bag so that next time I get asked to go sit with someone who's dying I can simply pick it up and be out the door - instead of having to run from room to room trying to find things I need to take with me.  The hospice requires that we be there within 2 hours of being notified, but I think that I should get there as soon as possible - the other day I was there within half an hour, but had I dawdled....I'd have been ...

Yesterday I was asked to go to a party at an assisted living community.  They needed some volunteers to go dance with the elderly residents. So today I've put on my best frock and my dancing shoes, applied some pretty pink lipstick and styled my hair, and I'm going to go waltz and two step with some nice 'young' ladies and gentlemen. It's at the other end of the spectrum compared to what I did yesterday as a hospice volunteer....but it's all part of the experience. I'm really looki...

Today I held the hand of a woman as she took her last breath.  Death came into the room, and when he left he took her with him. There was no fanfare, no drum rolls or flashes of lightning.  She simply stopped breathing. I was holding her hand when she left.  I think - no, I'm SURE - she knew I was there. About 20 minutes after she had left, Brahms lullaby came over the loud speakers, indicating that a baby had been born. As one leaves, so another comes, and the circle...

During my husband's long ongoing military career I have come to realize how important scent can be during a separation. When he was gone for a year, he packaged up one of his T-shirts that he slept in for 4 days and sent it to me.  Opening that baggie and smelling him was like a punch in the gut for me.  It was so...potent.  It didn't smell bad, it just smelt like him, and it made me cry.  I ended up putting that shirt on a spare pillow and sleeping with it alongside me in...

I had an appointment with the pain management doc yesterday.  We reviewed my pain level (yesterday was about a 3; it was a really good day, painwise) and after he did some poking and prodding and a little tweaking of my medications he said I didn't have to come back for three months. I'm happy.  I'm happy with my meds, I'm happy with the amount of pain I'm experiencing (apart from today; I'm always sore after he pokes around and prods me), I'm happy that I don't have to go back f...

The Big Bad Baby Blanket project is underway. I've revised it slightly. Originally I wanted to produce and exact replica of this one: I was having a hard time finding yarn in the exact colors, so I was going to substitute some, but the yarns I was going to substitute had a different texture than the original ones and I didn't like that.  So, I tried to find some yarn in a similar color and texture and couldn't find it so I decided to go ahead with what I had.....but balked at it...

I've gained some weight since the surgery.  I haven't been able to be as active as I was prior to getting my spine fused, and it's resulted in an extra 15lbs.  It's been difficult for me to deal with.  I've had to pack away all my size 7's and 8's and get used to wearing 11's and 12's, and I've even had to get buy new "over the shoulder boulder holders" (as my husband likes to call them) - I outgrew my 34D and had to upsize to a 36DD.  I've spent a fait bit of time whinin...

The more I think about it, the more I think and feel that this experience with hospice care will leave me forever changed. I think that I am going to be left humbled by this experience.  Caring for and getting attached to someone you know isn't going to be around very long isn't something that most people want to do.  It's un-natural; there's no benefit in it for your average human.  Not for me, though.  I think that there's a hell of a lot to be learned from someone who i...

I went to see the hospice coordinator this afternoon. I've been assigned a patient.  I've been given her admission paperwork and the psycho-social reports to go over, and I can start visiting her as soon as I want.  I'm going on Monday, and I'm taking with me some things that I think she'll like. This is really happening.  All the things that I learned, all the theories, all the ideas...they're all going to be put into practice.  I have a patient.  The concepts tha...

I'm falling in love again. With men who aren't my husband, with men who I've never even met and will never ever meet. They have a way with words, these men.  They know how to weave emotions into their words, emotions so strong that they can make me laugh out loud or move me to tears....these words have angered me with the injustice that they've told, they've repulsed me and sickened me.... ....they have trapped and caught me, and now that they've got me I never want to leave. ...