(by Henry, dharma's daschshund)
Today was pretty boring. My momma stayed in bed for a really long time - she was in there when The Big Guy told me to gopotty and she was there when the Little Guy and the Littlest Guy and Tall Girl and The Big Guy all went out and it scared me because usually my momma is in the room where they cook at and she wasn't there today, she was in her bed still. I got really worried about her and so I went and jumped up and down by the side of her bed until she picked me up and put me on her bed. When I got up there, that cat was already there and was curled up asleep. So, I jumped on her and chased her off so's that she wouldn't think that my momma liked her better than me. She tried to use those spiky things on me but I jumped away and barked and then my momma sat up and said cutitoutbothofyou and you'redrivingmecrazy. I know what cutitout means because The Big Guy says it all the time when he wants me to stop being crackerdawg, but I don't know what she meant about drivingmecrazy. I don't know where crazy is....
My momma did some very strange things today. She kept going into the white room and hugging the thing that people sit on when the smells come out and she kept saying ohi'mgonnahurl and then this stuff came out of her mouth and went into the thing that people sit on. This time I managed to get close enough to have a look in it, and it looked just like my water dish does. I don't know where the smells come from, or even what's making the smells because nothing I saw today made a smell like that. When my momma was done saying ohimgonnhurl she got up and jiggled this lever on the back of the thing that people sit on, and all of a sudden there was this noise and water came pouring out and I got really excited and tried to chase the water and see where it was going but momma said getawayfromit henry and leaveitalone. And then instead of going to the room where people cook and making herself a drink she went and got right back in her bed, which really confused me because I was pretty sure it was daytime and the sun was out and I thought that people only stayed in their bed when the sun went away. But she went and got back in her bed, so I jumped up and down again and she picked me up and told me to be shush and then she shut her eyes and that worried me because I thought she might forget about me, Henry, so I poked her hand with my nose until she petted me and then when I was sure she was asleep I got under the covers with her and laid down by her legs. Ha, I'd like to see that cat get to do THAT. The only one who gets to sleep in the bed with momma and The Big Guy is me, Henry.
She stayed there an awfully long time, almost until Little Guy, Littlest Guy and Tall Girl came home. She smells kind of funny today too....like I do when I've eaten some garbage or some grass and my tummy feels all strange and then before I know it what I've eaten comes back out again. Come to think of it, that must be what's wrong with her today - she must've got into the garbage or eaten some grass.
Anyway, when the Tall Girl came home she took me outside for a WALK. I LOVE walks, just thinking about them makes me want to go crackerdawg. Every time we go out, I make sure and lift my leg on the metal poles so that everyone will know they belong to me, Henry, but today I found that some other dawg had been by and had tried to make them his own. Well, I'm not having any of that, so I went right ahead and marked them all again until I didn't have anything left to mark them with. Ha! Now they all belong to me, Henry, again!
When we came back I was tired because we walked a long way and I only have short legs. I laid down on the couch but then I heard that cat in her box taking care of her business so I went to go see and when I got there she had left something warm and very interesting smelling in there. So, I got it out and was trying to see what it tasted like when The Big Guy came in and saw me doing it and used his loud voice and said youdirtydirtydirtylittledawg! and geddawayfromit! and he scared me so much I pulled my tail all the way down and hung my head and went off to find my momma and now I'm tired from having an interesting day and a walk so I'm going to go to sleep now.
Goodnight.