I can read too, can I have a job with SBC Tech support?!

Published on October 10, 2005 By dharmagrl In Internet

The following is an excerpt from a conversation I had with SBC tech support earlier this evening:

Me: I'm having a problem connecting to the internet and i wanted to see if you had had any reports of issues in my area.

SBC: yes sir, let me check that for you.

Me: It's ma'am.

SBC: Alright sir, I'm sorry about that.

Me: it's ma'm.

SBC: yes, yes, I meant ma'am. Well, I'm not seeing any problems as reported in your area, can you tell me what your modem looks like? Are all the lights on?

Me: No, the 'internet' light isn't on. It hasn't been on for the past half an hour, that's why I'm calling you.

SBC: Ah, the internet light isn't on. Well, that means that you're not getting any internet. When the internet light is off, you won't get internet.

Me: *temporarily silenced by the stupidity of the tech support chick* Umm......

SBC: In order for the internet to get to your computer, the internet light on your modem must be on.

Me: Hello? Is this tech support? I think I might have been diverted to the wrong department.

SBC: Yes, this is tech support.

Me: No offense, but I called you, you tech support people, because I had tried everything I knew to do at home to fix this problem. I called you because you're supposed to be more knowledgeable than I. So far, you're not telling me anything I didn't already know. In fact, I'd have got more help from my child. Are you reading from the manual?

SBC: No, I'm not reading from the manual.

Me: You're reading from something. A cheat sheet, a list, something. You're not giving me any technical support, that's for sure. Are you guys hiring? Can I get a job there? Because I, apparently, know more about this than you.

SBC: We're getting to the issue, the issue is that your internet light isn't on, therefore you will not get nternet to your computer.

Me: *temporarily stunned, again* Ahh.....yes, I know that. I told YOU that. I'm aware of WHAT the problem is, but what I don't know is how to fix it. That's why I called you. You are supposed to know how to help me fix this problem.

SBC: Well, the problem is the internet light on...

Me: *interrupting her* You know what, I'm just going to fix this myself. You've been no help at all. You have yourself a wonderful eveing....or day, or whatever time it is in India.

SBC: Well, I can help you sort out your problem if we can just get that internet light back on on your modem.....

Me: Good bye! *and I hang up*.

I think that if my life ever comes apart at the seams, if I ever find myself in dire need of a job.....that I will either give myself a stage name of Busty Rhymes and go make money taking my clothes off for strangers, or I will move to India and get a job with SBC technical support. I'm qualified to do either...I've got a set of DD's and I know what each of the little lights on the front of my DSL modem means.

'Technical Support' used to mean something. Apparently one needs neither technical knowledge OR customer support skills to work for SBC.

Comments (Page 2)

Zoomba

on Oct 11, 2005

I've encountered moron tech support people so many times when it comes to my cable internet service over the years that I just steamroll the first person that answers the phone. The first sentence out of my mouth usually sounds like this:

"My internet connection is down. I've restarted the modem, restarted my PC. I've unplugged the modem and done a full reset. I've checked all cables and wires to make sure they're tight. The service has been down for X amount of time. My neighbors are having the same problem so it's not my PC or my individual modem"

This usually results in the first tier person stuttering a bit and then bouncing me on to tier 2 straight away, where I usually get some actual help.

It's also fun throwing technical terms at them. I love running a continuous ping and telling them what the lag is, how much packet loss I'm seeing etc... It really freaks them out when you run a trace route and can tell them the names of routing boxes in their network, I had one accuse me of hacking their system once

dharmagrl

on Oct 11, 2005

I just steamroll the first person that answers the phone. The first sentence out of my mouth usually sounds like this:

"My internet connection is down. I've restarted the modem, restarted my PC. I've unplugged the modem and done a full reset. I've checked all cables and wires to make sure they're tight. The service has been down for X amount of time. My neighbors are having the same problem so it's not my PC or my individual modem"

This usually results in the first tier person stuttering a bit and then bouncing me on to tier 2 straight away, where I usually get some actual help.

That's what I'm going to have to start doing. I did all of the above before I called tech support...not that it did me any good.

Kevin_C

on Oct 11, 2005

It really freaks them out when you run a trace route and can tell them the names of routing boxes in their network

Hahahaha, you took a page right out of my book, or maybe I took the page from your book who knows but I've done the same thing. Ironically enough I did it when I had DSL through SBC. I've since dropped them but my service had gone down one evening and I was getting quite ticked, I had left a ping running for 30 or 45 minutes and you could see DNS go up and down and up and down. I thought I would be a good customer and call to inform them of their problem and at the same time try to get them to boot their messed up DNS server. Long story short, after hanging up on one completely useless and rude tech I got a very enlightened tech who not only knew what a DNS server was, he also knew who to ask to get it rebooted. He was away from the phone for about 5 minutes came back said it would take about 10 minutes to get it rebooted and I hung up. Sure enough about 10 minutes later I was back in business. I guess it just goes to show, if you aren't getting anywhere with the current tech just hang up and try again. Of course you're always better off if you never need their help, but in some cases there's nothing else you can do..

So -- if you have the opportunity to do so, make sure you tell as many people at SBC as you can why you are dropping their worthless service when you get the chance!!

Dr Guy

on Oct 11, 2005

Sorry about your problems. Bu tthis reminds me of how we have taken a concept - a modem (modulator demodulator) and assigned it to all kinds of things that are not really modems. IN essence, Cable 'modems' and DSL 'modems' are really just media/protocol converters.

Zoomba is right tho. You need to bypass the first level techs as soon as possible.

dharmagrl

on Oct 11, 2005

Zoomba is right tho. You need to bypass the first level techs as soon as possible.

Yeah, I think that if there's a next time I'm just going to go in with guns blazing, telling them what I've done upfront. It'll save everyone concrened a lot of time.

So -- if you have the opportunity to do so, make sure you tell as many people at SBC as you can why you are dropping their worthless service when you get the chance!!

I am.....I'm good at complaining, so I'm going to complain as loud as I can for as long as I can until someone listens.

SBC aren't going to like me by the end of the day....

Cyberworld

on Oct 11, 2005

This must be just one of those hilarious stories...the kind that you keep to tell to grandchildren to laugh...oh it's a good one...

PS: Glad to see that you resolved the problem by yourself. I've ordered DSL and been waiting for almost four weeks and still nothing...i don't think i'll be calling Help or Support with stories like that though...

Nick Blade

on Oct 11, 2005

my favorite T-shirt slogan has 'who needs big boobs' on the front, and 'when you have an ass like this' on the back. (yeah, I have both).

any chance of getting this modeled?

Odin314

on Oct 11, 2005

Damn you, male hormones!

Anyways, very interesting. A lot of tech support these days can be somewhat dumb, but i've never had an encounter like that. Then again, a lot of computer users are dumb, too, so it kinda balances out.

dharmagrl

on Oct 11, 2005

A lot of tech support these days can be somewhat dumb, but i've never had an encounter like that. Then again, a lot of computer users are dumb, too, so it kinda balances out

Yeah....like the people who call tech support to ask how much a stamp for email costs. Don't laugh, I know a guy who worked tech support for a while and he actually had someone call to ask that very question.

any chance of getting this modeled?

hehe...my husband put the kibosh on my owning such a T-shirt, let alone modelling it. You can see it over at T-shirt hell, though....and perhaps one day I'll get to own it!

Glad to see that you resolved the problem by yourself

Yeah, no thanks to tech support, huh?!

starkers

on Oct 11, 2005

After explaining that I was having problems with my DSL speeds to my ISP's tech support, having previously gone through the rigmaroll of the regular checks and refreshes, I was promptly told there was nothing he could do and that I should get my telephone company to do a line check....at my own expense. Naturally, I was #@$#%*! furious and hung up in his ear....I don't pay them to do the checks and balances myself. I eventually got through to someone on the same continent who actually helped and resolved the issue, but it is far too commonplace with my ISP's tech support (other service industries) to be greeted with a broad foreign accent which is difficult to understand.

Sleeping Dragon

on Oct 11, 2005

I am proud to say that I have been a happy Comcast customer for 2 years.

historyishere

on Oct 11, 2005

I remember when I first had cable internet installed, I couldn't get it to connect for the first day and a half... so I called tech support.

After I went through all their stupid steps, I was told that if I wanted the internet to work, I had to reinstall Windows. I honestly didn't like that solution, so I went to the library and set up a netzero account, went home and downloaded a new set of drivers for my network card, rebooted and surprise, surprise... everything worked.

The irony of all this is that the driver that Windows automatically installs for that card is newer than the one from the company, so that is the reason it didn't work... meaning that if I had taken that tech geek's advice, it STILL wouldn't have worked.

Let's just say I had some choice words for that tech(I wrote his name down so he got told off, and his manager heard about the situation too)

dharmagrl

on Oct 11, 2005

Let's just say I had some choice words for that tech(I wrote his name down so he got told off, and his manager heard about the situation too)

I should have got that chick's name and complained to her manager about her. Dunno that it would have done any good, though....

I am proud to say that I have been a happy Comcast customer for 2 years

If I could get comcast, I would. As it is, I'm stuck with SBC or Charter. Charter goes down close to once a week....which leaves SBC. Sometimes living on a military base sucks.

HAHA! They actually wanted YOU to pay to see if they had fucked up their phone line?! haha! That's outrageous!

Dr Guy

on Oct 11, 2005

I should have got that chick's name and complained to her manager about her. Dunno that it would have done any good, though....

Just a question. Do you get the person's name when they are good and then ask to talk to their supervisor?

I have done that on a couple of occassions. The supervisor sounded shocked to talk to me! But I know people stick it to them when it is bad, why not an atta boy when it is good?

dharmagrl

on Oct 11, 2005

Do you get the person's name when they are good and then ask to talk to their supervisor?

Yes. That's one of the things that Dave and I try to do regularly. We figure if we can take the time to complain, we can take the time to praise as well.

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