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Published on July 12, 2005 By dharmagrl In Misc

My friend Ferret (aka Mark) sent me this.  Someone had linked to it on his 'myspace' blog.

I appreciated it, and I think that you will appreciate it too, Joe Users.

 

"Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont.
I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.
I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations
that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children.
You are cruel and ignorant.
You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright
families from the time he was in the first grade.
He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the
misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys.
He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing,
mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them.
My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't
bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace,
while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair.
I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him,
on this Earth to give you someone to abuse.
God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you,
that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join.
The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose.
Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know.
I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality.
You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you.
If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing
I received with no effort whatsoever on my part.
It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it.
For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or
something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled.
Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen,
that you could change it at will?
If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders.
Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations.
I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country,
saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles
they died defending.
My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded
and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live.
He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one.
One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out,
it mattered not at all.
That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that
was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness.
It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital,
to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family,
would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings.
There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant.
God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and
tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing"
asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?"

I've been asking myself the same question....


Comments (Page 1)
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on Jul 12, 2005
Very touching, Dharma, thanks so much for posting this. I wish I could give this lady and her son a hug.
on Jul 12, 2005
A very well written and moving letter. Definately food for thought.
on Jul 12, 2005
The letter addressed every single issue and poked holes into the argument.

I liked reading letters like those. It restores my faith in humanity a bit.
on Jul 12, 2005
A heart wrenching letter from a mother whose life has been torn apart by the actions of many short sighted people. Unfortunately two of those short sighted people were her own son, and herself.

The kids who teased and mistreated her son were wrong, there is no denying that. However many kids are taunted and abused by others to the point of contemplating suicide. Her son's situation was not unique to kids who either are (or are merely suspected to be) homosexual.

Also, she denies the existance of a homosexual agenda simply because her son (and most homosexuals) was a good person. First of all, their is an agenda among "gay activists". As with activists in every movement there are good people and "bad" people. The character of the people involved has little to do with the existance of an agenda or even the right or wrong of the agenda itself. Also, while there is a "gay agenda" that doesn't mean that all gay people are a part of it (or that all of the people involved in it are gay).

She also assumes that everyone who is gay accepts it as a lifestyle. There are gay people who marry, have kids and live fulfilled and happy lives. There are also heterosexuals who, for reasons of their own, get off on sexual activity with members of the same sex. They feel no attraction towards members of their own sex, so they aren't really gay. As we all know, sex and love are not the same thing.

The kids who harrassed this mother's son made choices. They chose to be obnoxious jerks. On the other hand, her son also made choices. Happily he didn't actually go through with his suicidal plans, but whether he did or not was not because of the obnoxious jerks. If he had of killed himself it would have been himself who made that choice. As it turned out, there was something within him (along with the support of those how loved him) that helped carry him through and rise above.

What this mother (in her grief) forgets is that everything we do is a matter of choice. Gay or straight, we all feel attractions, feeling those attractions does not preclude the ability to choose. Therefore, Yes, a person who chooses to act on homosexual attractions IS choosing a gay lifestyle (even if they don't choose to be a part of the "gay agenda". On the other hand, a straight person also chooses a their lifestyle.

This mother is bitter towards those who harrassed her son all those years. Her bitterness is also her choice. Let's hope for her sake that the inner strength and external support that helped her son overcome the anguish that led him to consider suicide is also somewhere within herself and she too can rise above.
on Jul 12, 2005
I wish I could give this lady and her son a hug

Me too.

Definately food for thought.

Sure is.....

The letter addressed every single issue and poked holes into the argument.

I liked reading letters like those. It restores my faith in humanity a bit.

Again, me too.


There are gay people who marry, have kids and live fulfilled and happy lives.


Yes, there are. There are many same sex couples who get married, have kids and lead very happy lives.

Therefore, Yes, a person who chooses to act on homosexual attractions IS choosing a gay lifestyle


What other choice is there? To be yourself, to be who you are, or to spend a life denying yourself. A lifetime of fraud. A sham.

To thine own self be true.

I'd rather do that than send my entire life lying to myself and everyone around me.
on Jul 12, 2005
What other choice is there? To be yourself, to be who you are, or to spend a life denying yourself. A lifetime of fraud. A sham.

To thine own self be true.

I'd rather do that than send my entire life lying to myself and everyone around me.


That in itself "is" the choice.
on Jul 12, 2005
What other choice is there? To be yourself, to be who you are, or to spend a life denying yourself. A lifetime of fraud. A sham.To thine own self be true.I'd rather do that than send my entire life lying to myself and everyone around me.


So a person should persue every attraction, temptation or inkling simply to "be true" to themselves and not deny themselves? I guess I should have slept with that female troop in Saudi Arabia, she was cute, she made it known that she wanted to, and I was attracted to her. Wow, I didn't know I was being a fraud or "denying myself"... all this time I thought I was being a good husband, father and what's the other word..... oh yeah.. person. Imagine. ;~D
on Jul 12, 2005
Yes, there are. There are many same sex couples who get married, have kids and lead very happy lives.


Thanks for twisting the words to miss the point. ;~D
on Jul 12, 2005
I'm pretty neutral on this topic...now truly thinking about it...I don't care to much for the 'I'm gay, deal with it' attitude...and i don't want my children (when i have children) to be subjected to this...so i would try to advert their eyes... but yet, i am an avid freedom, liberty,etc.. person...so its a bit ironic...

yes the letter was touching...but IMO biased in fact that that was her son and father/father in law...emotions run most people...especially when it comes to defending family members...
on Jul 13, 2005

That in itself "is" the choice.

I don't agree.  I think that if youre gay, you're gay.  There IS no choice.

So a person should persue every attraction, temptation or inkling simply to "be true" to themselves and not deny themselves?

Nope, but asking a gay person to lead a straight lifestyle is tantamount to asking someone to lie not only to themselves but to everyone around them.  How do you think a woman would feel if the man she had been married to for years, the father of her children, suddenly said "look, I can't live this lie anymore.  I'm gay"? How devastating would that be, not only to her but to her children?  This discussion isn't about people choosing to have affairs, this is about homo versus heterosexual life choices.

Thanks for twisting the words to miss the point. ;~D

I didn't twist anything, you left yourself wide open for that one...

...I don't care to much for the 'I'm gay, deal with it' attitude...and i don't want my children (when i have children) to be subjected to this...so i would try to advert their eyes

I don't care much for self-professed pathalogical liars, but they're a part of life, of society.....so rather than avert my kids eyes I let them see and then explain.  I'd rather they had a good grasp on what things are about that they led a sheltered life and were blindsided by things when they get older.

on Jul 13, 2005
Nope, but asking a gay person to lead a straight lifestyle is tantamount to asking someone to lie not only to themselves but to everyone around them. How do you think a woman would feel if the man she had been married to for years, the father of her children, suddenly said "look, I can't live this lie anymore. I'm gay"? How devastating would that be, not only to her but to her children? This discussion isn't about people choosing to have affairs, this is about homo versus heterosexual life choices.


Actually I have a cousin who, after 20+ years of marriage and 4 kids, he chose to persue his homosexual urges. It was his choice to marry, have kids and live a heterosexual lifestyle. He was a great husband and father.

Then he chose to announce the side of him he had kept a secret for who knows how long. The family accepted that, we know he is a great guy and hey, he is family. However, he couldn't accept the choices and commitments he had made to his wife and his kids.

He started going out on weekends with the guys. When we had a hard time accepting him as a cheater, he accused us of rejecting him because he's gay. Then he became an activist.

You ask me how devastating it would be for a wife and kids to hear their father say, "look, I can't live this lie anymore. I'm gay"... Imagine the devastation it was to my cousin's wife and children to hear him stand up making speaches about how he regrets getting married or having kids.

I think it's pretty insulting to say that people (gay or straight) can't make choices. The stereotype is that gay people just jump on anything that moves. To me, the whole "no choices" argument is just a perpetuation of that stereotype.

The mother in your article has choices, her son has choices, my cousin has choices and even my friend from the pedophilia series (who happens to also be gay) all have choices. In fact, we all have choices. None of us get to sit back and say, "it's just the way I am, I don't have a choice."

It is because too many are willing to quit thinking and just act that so many people can find excuses for their actions. We all have urges, temptations and hormones... last I checked it was our brains, not our hormones that we humans use for thinking... and choosing.
on Jul 13, 2005
Thanks for twisting the words to miss the point. ;~D

I didn't twist anything, you left yourself wide open for that one...


Yeah, in my wording, I guess I did leave myself open. You know what my point was, but I can't blame you for taking a shot at an open target of opportunity. ;~D
on Jul 13, 2005
Actually I have a cousin who, after 20+ years of marriage and 4 kids, he chose to persue his homosexual urges. It was his choice to marry, have kids and live a heterosexual lifestyle. He was a great husband and father.

Then he chose to announce the side of him he had kept a secret for who knows how long. The family accepted that, we know he is a great guy and hey, he is family. However, he couldn't accept the choices and commitments he had made to his wife and his kids.

He started going out on weekends with the guys. When we had a hard time accepting him as a cheater, he accused us of rejecting him because he's gay. Then he became an activist.

You ask me how devastating it would be for a wife and kids to hear their father say, "look, I can't live this lie anymore. I'm gay"... Imagine the devastation it was to my cousin's wife and children to hear him stand up making speaches about how he regrets getting married or having kids.


You just proved your own point that gay people who get married and have a family (pretending to be "straight") aren't truly happy and are living a sham. Eventually, the truth will come out and there will be a lot of hurt going around.

Why does society force people to make those decisions? Just live and let live.
on Jul 13, 2005
You just proved your own point that gay people who get married and have a family (pretending to be "straight") aren't truly happy and are living a sham. Eventually, the truth will come out and there will be a lot of hurt going around.

Why does society force people to make those decisions? Just live and let live.


I proved no such thing. For one thing, unless you are willing to say that all gay people are the same, I only cited one person. Since they aren't, one person does not prove your point.

Secondly, society didn't "force" him to do anything. He has a brain, he made choices. He chose to marry and he and his wife chose to have kids. Deciding later that he would be happier going out on weekends to have sex with guys was no different than a straight man deciding to go out on weekends and have sex with other women. He added to the callousness by publicly announcing that he wished his kids were never born. On the other hand, his wife also had choices, and her decision was to stay with him through it all. Again, that was a choice they made together.

To say that everyone in the world has choices except gay people is just insulting.
on Jul 13, 2005
I don't care much for self-professed pathalogical liars, but they're a part of life, of society.....so rather than avert my kids eyes I let them see and then explain. I'd rather they had a good grasp on what things are about that they led a sheltered life and were blindsided by things when they get older.


--People, Get over it...geez...
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