Real men DO like curves!

Published on November 20, 2004 By dharmagrl In Health & Medicine

I wrote this article recently Link about how I was going to try and gain some weight because I felt I was too skinny.

Of all the men who replied, not-a-one of them said they preferred skinny, scrawny chicks. In fact, most of them said they preferred women who were 'curvy'.

I find this revelation very curious. It makes me happy, but I find it intriguing.

Why, if American men like women who have some shape to them, are we women going to extreme lengths to make ourselves thin? Why are skinny celebrities so popular? Why are women having themselves suctioned and tucked and starved and deprived?

Why is a size 4 more socially desirable then a size 12? Why is an androgynous look more desireable than a 'all boobs and butt' look?

More to the point, why aren't average sized American women doing something about it? Why are we buying into the skinny-minne hype that we're being fed by homosexual Hollywood stylists? Why aren't we standing up for ourselves, for our bodies, and saying no, we don't want to look like anorexics, we're happy with our healthy weights so shove your cosmo ads and your size 2's up your ass?

Yet another thing to add to the list of 'things I don't understand'.....

Comments (Page 1)

Danny Bassette

on Nov 20, 2004

I think you found out why: because people (women in particular?) think that men want 'skinny scrawny chicks'. And they act on that belief. *shrug* or not, it could be that those hollywood stylists have brainwashed everyone, but draginol has put antibrainwashing code on joeuser to protect us

TasT

on Nov 20, 2004

I think you have hit it on the head, the media likes anorexics and most of the guys out there would prefer a tab bit larger woman. We just want you guys to look healthy!

Shovelheat

on Nov 20, 2004

What I never understood was the "heroin chic" look that was so popular a while back. What's so cool about the sick, black under the eyes fucked up look? I just don't get it...

dharmagrl

on Nov 20, 2004

because people (women in particular?) think that men want 'skinny scrawny chicks'.

Because that image is projected upon us. We are assailed with the 'skinny=successful' hype daily. Look at Hollywood, look at celebrities...Nicole Kidman looks positively skeletal lately. Look at Kirstie Alley...she's over 200 lbs and is making a joke out of her weight ('Fat Actress', coming soon to a TV near you). Where are all the average sized women? Where are the real life Bridget Jones's?

Here's another thing that sickens me: I am considered overweight by Hollywood/celebrity standards. If I were to go audition for a part in a movie or mainstream TV show, I'd be asked to drop 10lbs.

the media likes anorexics and most of the guys out there would prefer a tab bit larger woman

Exactly. The MEDIA likes scrawny chicks. Real men don't.

dharmagrl

on Nov 20, 2004

What I never understood was the "heroin chic" look that was so popular a while back

I think that came in around the same time that grunge was big. The two are somewhat compatible, I think.

I never got it either, btw. Who wants to look like they're jonesing for a fix...even though they're not?

Texas Wahine

on Nov 20, 2004

I am loving this article, dharma!

I am hopelessly curvy. I've got great big breasts, a curve inward at my waist, a little buddha belly just below my belly button, punctuated by big round hips, and an ass to match. I cannot change this about my body. It's my body type . . . a hearty hourglass. I can make it bigger or smaller as a whole, but this will always be the shape of my body. It is very frustrating to constantly be told by TV, movies, magazines (even women news anchors are rail thin!) that my body type is wrong. I get the message that I am to be bony and angular, like a board up and down -- with boobs of course -- but my body doesn't know how to do that. Soft and curvy is all my body knows how to do.

Why aren't we standing up for ourselves, for our bodies, and saying no, we don't want to look like anorexics, we're happy with our healthy weights so shove your cosmo ads and your size 2's up your ass?

You know I remember reading in either Glamour or Cosmo that they tried to put a normal sized woman on the cover once and found that sales dropped tremendously. I think it's partly the men buying into and reinforcing the idea (they say yay for healthy bodies here, but how many times have they criticized a woman for having a belly or not being thin enough . . . they definitely buy into the thin is the only way to be attractive thing, whether they admit it or not), but it's also us women, too. How many times have we made catty remarks about another woman's less than perfect appearance? How many times have we disparraged ourselves for not living up to the ideal? Why won't we buy magazines with real women on the cover? We are encouraging the very thing that that tortures us.

For example, here's a photo of Mia Tyler . . . normal sized woman, absolutely gorgeous . . . why is she banished to plus-size magazines? Why do men lust after bony Pamela Anderson or Gisele and not Mia? Why haven't many people even heard of Mia . . . daughter of Steven Tyler and sister of nearly identical but much thinner Liv Tyler?

Yet another thing to add to the list of 'things I don't understand'.....

Same here. Great article, dharma.

Danny Bassette

on Nov 20, 2004

It's the hair, she looks like she just got out of bed, doesn't go with the swimsuit at all

Texas Wahine

on Nov 20, 2004

It's the hair, she looks like she just got out of bed, doesn't go with the swimsuit at all

Funny, but that is what "beach hair" actually looks like.

Danny Bassette

on Nov 20, 2004

Drat, and i thought i was onto something,

dharmagrl

on Nov 20, 2004

how many times have they criticized a woman for having a belly or not being thin enough

I have a bit of a story about that. There's one dude that D works with who claims he likes "bigger girls" - his wife is a big, big girl herself, so apparently his claim is truthful. He and D were on patrol last week, and they stopped to let a girl cross the street...and this guy makes a comment of "man, she's a bit thick" even though the chick crossing the street was half the size of his wife. D said he was flabbergasted at the hypocrisy...as was I.

How many times have we disparraged ourselves for not living up to the ideal?

American women beat themselves up for not looking like the model on the cover of Cosmo.....a picture which has been airbrushed and altered and distorted, yet we still strive for that appearance. I don't know why we don't buy magazines that have pictures of 'real' women on the cover.....I know I would.

Mia tyler is a perfect example, btw. Good choice.

Danny: beach hair does look like that. Salt water, sand and sun are instand dreadlock/rat-tail makers!

Texas Wahine

on Nov 20, 2004

and this guy makes a comment of "man, she's a bit thick" even though the chick crossing the street was half the size of his wife. D said he was flabbergasted at the hypocrisy...as was I.

That's exactly what I see, too. It seems like men (and women) probably want in their heart to believe that women can be beautiful in all sizes, but still can't let go of that stereotype, that expectation, that in order to be "hot" or feminine, women must be fit the magazine cover body type.

Of course, I realize that personal preference plays a part in all this because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the constant reinforcement of the "ideal" seems to twist our thoughts and keep us from breaking free and truly believing that women do not have to be painfully thin in order to be radiant and desirable.

I don't know why we don't buy magazines that have pictures of 'real' women on the cover.....I know I would.

Me, too. This is something that is a big deal to me. I am so disappointed with Kate Winslet. I remember reading about when she did Titanic . . . she's 5'6" and weighed 130 lbs. and James Cameron constantly referred to her as "Kate Weighs-a-lot." How sick is that?

She boasted in the article I read about how she had learned to love herself and her voluptuous bod, and would not fall prey to the Hollywood pressure to be so thin. (BTW . . . she used to weigh 180 and had lost down to 130 in order to break into Hollywood). Now look at her . . . she's skeletal. If that were her natural body, I would not complain, however, it's obvious that she has worked very hard to become excessively thin instead of embracing her healthy, curvy weight. What kind of message does that send to her female admirers?

I'm sorry to go on and on about this. You hit a hot topic with me, though, dharma.

Mia tyler is a perfect example, btw. Good choice.

Thanks.

I adore her. Mia and Liv both are very beautiful women, and Liv looks nice and healthy, too, which I appreciate.

Frightlever

on Nov 21, 2004

My range runs from healthy looking thin up to somewhere a bit below has-difficulty-moving. But it's flexible. Or to put it another way I'm a guy and not that fussy. Half the western world is overweight and people have to hook up with someone so in general they'll settle for whoever puts up with them. I have a friend who obssessed about thin women (and I quote, he liked a girl with a "stripped down racing chassis".) I never saw him go out with anyone who could be described as any less than curvy (and generally 10 or 15 years older than him. With kids. He may actually have been looking for a mother figure. I dunno. He's married now, has a step-son 6 years younger than him. Blissfully happy.)

Now we're all aware that the media dictates what we do, like it or not. That's why certain brands of cola are number one and why certain presidents get elected. What possible incentive is there for the media to push an average body size? Who strives to be average? No strive. So why, if so many men like curves, do we have thin and faked up media darlings? Because, like me, those men aren't that fussy and the thin celebrities are pretty so they qualify as lust objects. And so we go to their movies and buy the cars they want us to. Who said "you can never be too thin, or too rich?"

Kathy Bates, in About Schmidt, sexy? Maybe, but not everyone's cup of tea. Nobody's saying Mia isn't a doll but if you start saying she's the epitome of female perfection then you're just condemning a different set of people to the ghettos. Okay, you're not saying that but if you want to broaden the range then everybody gets in and there's nothing to promote any more. In fact, why are you so hung up on how women look, at all? Isn't that just adding to the problem? Why not judge women on how funny they are, how well they fake emotion or how much money they make? Oh, that would be stepping on men's toes.

And if you really want to see a wider representation of female forms in media then you only have to look at the adult industry. Now your mainstream porn is largely about thin girls with big boobs but there is a bewilderingly specific number of sub-genres which describe exactly what men can get off on. Anything.

lifehappens

on Nov 21, 2004

Theory: The fashion industry is run by a disproportionate number of gay men. Gay men prefer the look of 13 year old boys. Clothes "hang" better on 13 year old boys. Therefore, they design clothes to be worn and modeled by women who look like 13 year old boys. Occasionally, to brek the monotony, they will design for the "13 year old with huge fake boobs" body type.

Just a possibility.....

Danny Bassette

on Nov 21, 2004

I like that theory lifehappens, made me laugh

dharmagrl

on Nov 21, 2004

In fact, why are you so hung up on how women look, at all?

Because I'm trying to gain weight, and I'm sick of anorexic chickies being the standard to which we all must conform.

LifeHappens: I think your theory has some truth to it, to be honest. It doesn't help that the models we see in Cosmo et al are usually 13 or 14.....so now, not only are we trying to be skinnier, we're also trying to manipulate our 20 and 30 year old bodies to look like those of pubescent girls. It's ridiculous...

Danny....it's actually pretty close to the truth...and that's sad.

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