Why don't men talk about sex?

Published on September 30, 2004 By dharmagrl In Sex & Romance

I have a questions for all you dudes.

I have noticed recently that a lot of you are uncomfortable talking about sex.

Why?

Us girls share things about our sex lives...but I can't say that I've heard a guy talk, and I mean really talk about it. I've heard them brag, but not discuss.

Why is that? Does it have something to do with women being 'talkers' and men being 'fixers'? You know, that old adage about women being from Venus and men from Mars, man the silent hunter and woman the chatty nurturer? Is that why?

Will someone (a guy, preferably) please give me a little insight?

Comments (Page 1)

Spc Nobody Special

on Sep 30, 2004

Not talk about sex? I always thought the hard part was getting them to stop talking about it constantly. Maybe we just clam up around women.

Dr Guy

on Sep 30, 2004

I can only speak for myself. And this may be counter to your own stereotype, but I feel it is the most intimate moment I can have, and it belongs to me, and my 'other' (in my case my wife).

It does not belong to anyone else. I have never discussed it, and will never. I know some that do, or try to. But I walk away.

I do not understand (altho I know they do it) a woman's need to confide in another. Why? Cant you confide with your mate?

What is your problem?

Texas Wahine

on Sep 30, 2004

Dr Guy: I think what you are thinking of falls under the category of "bragging." Discussion is something else entirely.

What is your problem?

We're not sexually repressed.

dharmagrl

on Sep 30, 2004

I do not understand (altho I know they do it) a woman's need to confide in another. Why? Cant you confide with your mate?

What is your problem?

I have a man who won't talk about sex!!

Pseudo, I think that you have hit the nail on the head. You can talk about it amongst yourselves, but you can't talk about it among women.

Texas Wahine

on Sep 30, 2004

dharma: he he he . . . with Adrian deployed, we talk about sex A LOT . . . in fact, I just got off the phone with him and we had a very humorous sexually-themed conversation. We're just dorks, I guess.

dharmagrl

on Sep 30, 2004

I just got off the phone with him and we had a very humorous sexually-themed conversation. We're just dorks, I guess.

No, dave and I did the same thing when he was gone. It's funny how distance makes that kind of thing easier. Now he's home he won't talk about it.

Zoomba

on Sep 30, 2004

It's tough for guys really... if we talk about such things with other people, it's too often labeled as bragging, even if it's not. That and I'm of the mind that it's a thing shared between two people and not open for general discussion with others. I do not like the fact that some of my friends know way too much about my sex life because whoever I was dating at the time felt the need to share.

Spc Nobody Special

on Sep 30, 2004

Pseudo, I think that you have hit the nail on the head.

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Texas Wahine

on Sep 30, 2004

you're gonna get some hot porn air force wife dog sex referrals for this one, dharma

Myrrander

on Sep 30, 2004

My wife has some reproductive problems, which have caused her a lot of trouble and a total of 5 surgeries. Because sex, at times, was painful for her, and because I wanted to learn about her illness, we've developed a very easy back and forth about sex. I've also found that as I undertand more of the anatomical/biological aspects of the female reproductive system, any embarassment I might have talking about it goes out the window. I go with the wife to the OB-Gyn, and while I'm not present for the examinations (which should be between the doc, nurses, and patient), I am invited to the consulations -- my wife says the moral support does a lot for her.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I remember one time, my wife was feeling rather ill during her period, and needed some pads. She can't use tampons, so there's this specific type that she always uses -- but she wasn't up to driving to the store to get them. No biggie, I went for her. So I walk to feminine hygiene aisle, locate and grab what I need, when I see this gentleman looking very nervous and lost. Obviously, he's there for the same reason I am, but he's not too sure what to get. I guess I looked friendly or something, because he came up and said, "Um, I'm a little embarassed, but could you help me out here? My wife's on her period and she sent me here to get her something. Will these do?" And he holds out this little package of teeny tiny panty liners. Supressing a laugh, I said, "Uh, no those aren't going to cut it," and pointed him to some larger, more absorbent models.

The point being, men who are embarassed about sex are probably just ignorant and too scared to ask their partner questions. I've found that women normally have no problem filling a guy in on anything they want to know in a gentle and not to overwhelming way.

Imma rate this article *insightful* because you've certainly made ME think about it more!

Texas Wahine

on Sep 30, 2004

That's terrific, myrrander. Sadly, many men would not be so as involved or show as much empathy as you do for your wife's condition. What a lucky woman she is.

Every so often I see a husband buying tampons or pads for his wife, and it always makes me smile. My husband and I have been together since we were teens, and he has always been comfortable with female workings and such. On one of our earliest dates I needed to carry a tampon with me, but had no pockets on my outfit, so he carried my tampon in his jeans pocket that night. Now that's a REAL man.

Dr Guy

on Sep 30, 2004

We're not sexually repressed

So that means you cannot discuss it with your mate? In context that is what you are saying.

Dont take a statement out of context unless you are prepared to defend the one in context.

Texas Wahine

on Sep 30, 2004

I'm not taking it out of context . . . I think someone who cannot discuss sex with anyone besides their spouse might be a wee bit sexually repressed . . .

Shovelheat

on Sep 30, 2004

obviously you never read any of my articles...

dharmagrl

on Sep 30, 2004

SNS...I'm sorry......so sorry...the kids were yelling and the dog was barking and..well, I'm sorry. Please forgive me?

Myrrander wins the prize for most sensitive male (thus far, anyway).

Tex, I'm going to get some hella nasty referrals for this one....but I don't care. Men are here, and they're talking about sex. That has to be worth all the 'naked air force wife butt sex with dog' referrals.

I can see the point that it's an intimate moment and that it shouldn't be shared, and I think that goes back to men being protective of the ones they love. But I'm not talking about "she gave me head, the we 69'd, then she shoved her finger up my ass and I came all over her face" kinda talk. I wrote this article because I had mentioned in a previous article about how I like 'vanilla' sex most of all - that toys and kinky toys and funky positions and places are great, but for me the most satisfying sex, the best sex, is in our bed, with my husband. Apart from Chip, bless his little heart (who managed to not mention the sex part of the article) no men responded. Women shared and said that they knew what I meant, but no guys did. It got me thinking about how men have a hard time talking about sex...and here we are.

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