Why don't men talk about sex?

Published on September 30, 2004 By dharmagrl In Sex & Romance

I have a questions for all you dudes.

I have noticed recently that a lot of you are uncomfortable talking about sex.

Why?

Us girls share things about our sex lives...but I can't say that I've heard a guy talk, and I mean really talk about it. I've heard them brag, but not discuss.

Why is that? Does it have something to do with women being 'talkers' and men being 'fixers'? You know, that old adage about women being from Venus and men from Mars, man the silent hunter and woman the chatty nurturer? Is that why?

Will someone (a guy, preferably) please give me a little insight?

Comments (Page 2)

Shovelheat

on Oct 01, 2004

I see, I think your talking about the Cosmopolitan magazine and Harlequine Romace kind of sex. Who was it that said that in bed women want to spoon but men want to FORK? I think it boils down to (and as a woman, you already know this on some level) that men have a hard time on the lovey-dovey emotional talk. Unless there's something in it for them...

Myrrander

on Oct 01, 2004

men have a hard time on the lovey-dovey emotional talk. Unless there's something in it for them...

yikes

that makes us guys out to be real selfish bastards

dharmagrl

on Oct 01, 2004

I think your talking about the Cosmopolitan magazine and Harlequine Romace kind of sex.

No, not really (I detest harlequin romance type-stuff, just so you know). I'm talking about open and honest discussion about sex. No bragging, no bravado, no romantic antics....honesty about what you like, what you don't like, what feels best to you, what you're comfortable with, what you're not comfortable with...stuff like that.

I know men have a hard time with lovey-dovey stuff. I do too, and I'm a girl - it's supposed to come naturally to me.

Shovelheat

on Oct 01, 2004

I'm talking about open and honest discussion about sex.

OK then. I guess the number one thing that I want in sex (other than the sex-sorry, couldn't resist saying that) is honesty. Don't lie to me. If you’re too tired, tell me. If you’re horny as hell, tell me that too. If you didn't orgasm, say so, don't "fake it" !!! There's always a next time (I hope). Be yourself, not someone you think I would like you to be. Communicate! If there's something I do you find uncomfortable, tell me! If I stumble onto something you like, say so! I'm not clairvoyant, I wished I was, but I am not.

Like I said in a post about drinking alcohol, I like to enjoy sex with a clear mind and good conscience. Sure, I’m a man, I got that billion year old evolutionary drive to spread my genes as far and wide as I can thing going on, so every once in a while deception on my part will creep in, but I’m gonna work on that and try to do better…

dharmagrl

on Oct 01, 2004

I guess the number one thing that I want in sex (other than the sex-sorry, couldn't resist saying that) is honesty

See, that's what I'm talking about!!! Finally, a dude who isn't afraid to say what he thinks/wants!

I can see that honesty is a big deal in your world, huh? Me too. I hate being lied to.

Now if I could just some on a regular basis I'd be all set...

evilPidge

on Oct 01, 2004

Truely I think men dont talk about sex much because the feel inadequate. It may sound like a humorous thing, but look at what we have to live up to? Every fictional story involving sex has the man measureing in at a health 9 1/2 inches. Hes able to go all night, and then again first thing in the morning. He can give a women all the pleasure shes ever dreamed of. Yeah I know its fictional, but it can still have an effect on a guy.

Of course i hope everyone realizes i'm not talking about me, I'm the guy with the 9 1/2 inch schlong

Drudge Report

on Oct 03, 2004

Hey sex pot....men DONT like to talk about sex...... because women DO

chiprj

on Oct 03, 2004

Sorry I'm so late getting to this party. I'd say that very often men will talk about conquests or maybe women from the past (and very often not in glowing terms). But, I think that they don't share a lot about current partners with other guys because they don't want anyone thinking about the woman they love in that way. And they don't share with women for fear of sexual harrassment talk! That's just my view on it.

SSG Geezer

on Oct 03, 2004

Because a lot of the time we are honest with our partners and in return they are too: the problem being, we do not want to know about anyone else!
we are the only ones who could satisfy you, we helped you learn what you know, etc. If it works, do we really need to talk about it?

dharmagrl

on Oct 03, 2004

Hey sex pot....

You talkin' to me?

Poi Dog

on Oct 03, 2004

Guys on Why They Don't Talk About Sex (to women) - A List of Perspectives:

Macho Man - He does, but only in euphemisms, gestures, grunts, and random pelvic thrusts to the air - all while maintaining a death grip on a bottle of Budweiser.
Fake 'Sensitive Guy' - Because he thinks if he doesn't talk about it, it will make him virgin-like, and he hopes the girl he wants to sleep with will think he is 'have-sex-with-me-b/c-I'm-chivalrous'
Intense Intelligent Man - Will talk about sex, but through 'other people' in the hopes that his observations will lead to his own self-gratification.
The "Virge" - Will look away abashedly, cheeks flushed, thinking that he has entered a realm of the perverse.
Binge-Drinking Party Dog - Talks in normal tones and about world issues to fellow female students or coworkers, until he drinks enough to talk about sex, but then it is Beer-Ebonics, & shameful.
The "Howler" - Has intense reasonings about sex issues, biases, and conversational ethos...but all that comes out is a wolf-call to the primitive. (see: cat-call, shriek whistle, and "yeah, Baby")
Silent and Dark Man - Thinks that no conversation will keep the mythos about his own sexual persona alive..that the woman will take a thought and run with it, and fill the blank in with Him.
The Scientist - Will talk about sex, but which equates to the relevancy of National Geographic and soft-core pornography. Essentially doesn't talk about 'sex', but more about issues. Has big words.
The Stalker - You don't even want him to talk about sex.
The Hippie - Starts to talk about sex, then offers you a joint, and you both engage in your own 'conversation' in the woods, at night, while the Aspens are quaking.
The Husband - Wants to talk about intimate sex, profoundly, but knows what you'll get mad at, so he harbors his own fantasies, and tells his buddies he was a 'champ' in college.
The Champ - Has had a lot of sex, yet knows nothing of intimacy, but knows because of his experience that if he talks, there will be no sex in the future. But the women find out eventually.
The Homosexual - Will talk about sex profoundly to women, in great and sensitive detail, but the women don't listen, because they generally don't identify him as a 'man'.

...and then there are people like me, who will talk about it in frank detail, in confident maturity, and also with a tinge of humor, because I believe the issue of sex in America has become mystified. In reality, it is a topic that pertains to life, and it deserves conversation, deep personality, and acute recognition. How can a man develop a mature sexual relationship with a woman if he cannot even bring himself to bear when it comes to the topic of wants/desires, consequences, intensities, realities, spiritual awakenings, and so forth? If you ask me, there is no blanket statement as to why men don't talk about sex (to women...because we all know that we are man-to-man braggarts). Every man is an individual, despite what I have written here. And equally, every woman is an individual - which precisely leads me to the conclusion that each man and woman, as individual equals, need to talk about sex...before it happens, after it happens, and as it happens. Honesty is lintegrity, integrity is maturity, maturity is openness, openness is love, and love sometimes equals sex. And there it is.

thanks for your forum post,
Poi Dog

oneofus

on Oct 04, 2004

Someone up there wrote that they can talk with their men about sex on the phone when they are away - well, it's been proved true on more than one occasion - "You either talk about it or do it" and guys like to do it.

Draginol

on Oct 05, 2004

I'm always open to talking about sex. It's just that I don't tend to talk about it HERE.

dharmagrl

on Oct 05, 2004

I'm always open to talking about sex. It's just that I don't tend to talk about it HERE.

Good point....

"You either talk about it or do it" and guys like to do it.

So do girls....

Texas Wahine

on Oct 06, 2004

oneofus:

Ummm . . . that would be ME and that was because my husband was thousands of miles away serving our country.

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