I've been reading the information about death row inmates on the Texas Deartment of Criminal Justice' web site.
There are a few different pages on there...'women on death row', 'offenders on death row' 'executed offenders' and 'scheduled executions'.
The 'Executed Offenders' page contains information about the offenders and their crimes, and also their last statements. In reading some of these, I am amazed at the amount of a) "innocent" men being put to death and the amount of born again christians - men and women who have done some horrendous things to and against their fellow man, but who go out proclaiming their faith in Jesus the saviour, certain that they will merely fall asleep and wake up in heaven because they have found God and have confessed and repented of their sins.
My first thought when reading about a 'born again killer' is that it's amazing how all the bravado and menacing attitudes disappear when it's crunch time. They're not such tough men when faced with the needle that will end their life. I wonder if they think, as they're being led into the death chamber, that this is how their victim's must have felt when they realized they were going to die.
My second thought is that it's not too amazing for them to have found faith whilst waiting to die. I mean, they didn't have anything else to do. I wonder though, how many of them were born again out of a love for god and his word, or out of the promise of eternal life in a glorious mansion in a place that has streets paved with gold, where a seat at god's table has been reserved especially for them. That they turned to religion because they couldn't handle the thought of death being the end. That they turned to religion because they couldn't handle the guilt of what they had done, couldn't forgive themselves and needed a 'higher power' to forgive them instead.
My third thought is that I wonder how many Christians are willing to share heaven with these guys, these murders, rapists and killers. Can you honestly say that you'd be more than happy to spend eternity with someone who beheaded his 3 small children? With someone who raped and strangled an elderly lady for her wedding ring? I don't think that I would.
Which leads me to my last thoughts. That reading about these people reminds me of how far I have yet to go on this path to enlightenment. Because sometimes I can't find any compassion within myself for these people. Because all I can feel when I read about them is disgust and sometimes anger. Because, instead of not wanting them to be out to death because it doesn't negate their crimes in any way or bring any victims back...I want them to be executed. I want their lives to be snuffed out.
I am again reminded that I am only human, and that I still have a long way to go.
http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/deathrow.htm