Farewell to Kurt

10 years later.

Published on April 3, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc

He's been gone 10 years on Monday.

I can't believe it's been that long.

It seems like just yesterday that I heard the news, that I sat and wept, openly wept for him, for his child, for myself...

for the loss of one so young, so talented, so beautiful..

for one so despondent and tortured that he simply couldn't see any way out of the hell he had created around himself.

I remember thinking that if he, he who had all that, saw no other way to escape the pain

then what hope was there for the rest of us?

I still can't believe he's gone. I still can't believe he did it.

I want to believe that he's hiding somewhere;

That he made his escape from celebrity and is living in Peru

on a farm.

Then I see that he did make his escape. He did.

He made an escape.

And I'm still left behind to wonder...and to weep for his loss, for my loss.

For our loss.

Comments (Page 1)

GemCityJoe

on Apr 03, 2004

who is kurt? GCJ

dharmagrl

on Apr 03, 2004

Cobain.

MadPoet41

on Apr 03, 2004

I think he never learned to like himself very much. And that will always puzzle me--because he was so smart and gifted. And really a very cool guy. But the same thing happened to Janis Joplin. All that raw talent! And she had such a sweet soul. But she really didn't like herself. Why? It could be that all those small town folks that treated them like crap (before their celebrity) scarred them for life? I don't think we'll ever really know the truth. Because they carried that w/them to the grave. I am sad that Kurt is gone too. And that his life was such an unhappy one for him. And that his child will never really know her sweet father. But we will always have his beautiful music. (I have a really cool framed poster of him on my wall--it's from when he did the "Unplugged" thing on cable?) Anyway, thank you for writing this. Because he's one of my favorite rock poets. And there's not a whole lot of those around anymore (what do you think of Patti Smith?)

~Madpoet

crimson

on Apr 03, 2004

I remember the feelings that many of my friends had when Cobain passed away. I didn't really understand it. He was a celebrity. Yeah, he was an artist, but how could he really affect a stranger's life so profoundly. And then, a year later, on Halloween Eve, I finally understood. River Phoenix passed away, and he was a great part of my growing up. I fell for him when I was just a kid, when he was just a kid in 7 brides for 7 brothers, the tv series. He played Guthrie McFadden. It was his first real job, in 1982. I followed his career from then on, and was greatly saddened when he was no longer with us. I still think about him, and wonder what kind of man he would have become, what kind of a career he would have had.

I'm sorry, Dharma. Peace.

dharmagrl

on Apr 03, 2004

Love Patti Smith. I think she's very misunderstood, as was Kurt. The thing that really bothered me about it was I could completely see why he did what he did. I had...still have...an understanding of why, and of what fucking balls it took to do it. I have posters too...'Unplugged' is one of my favourites, I think I know what poster you're talking about. When I learned to play guitar at the ripe old age of 31 the first song I mastered was 'Pennyroyal Tea'..closely followed by 'All Apologies'.

It's all just a damn fucking shame...always will be.

dharmagrl

on Apr 03, 2004

Me too, Nicky. I wonder what Kurt's life would have been like now...

..and I have to say that I really don't like Courtney Love.

JillUser

on Apr 03, 2004

I think drug use can eat away at your ability to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, how can you live with yourself? How can you ask others to love you? I have always felt horribly for anyone so distraught that they could see no other way out but death. I, as a parent, can't imagine not staying alive for your child's sake if for nothing else. Then again, like I said, drugs can eat away at your mind. Very sad.

dharmagrl

on Apr 03, 2004

It can Jill. It did in his case. He attributed his mental and emotional pain to his parent's divorce when he was 8...I don't know how he started using smack, but he did. I've been strung out before, I've been depressed before, and I have a total understanding of what he must have been feeling when he contemplated and planned his own death.

I don't care what anyone says, Kurt was a poetic genius. Unfortunately, it was in part that kind of admiration that ultimately led to his death.

crimson

on Apr 03, 2004

Not to mention what he chose to surround himself with. I feel for him; I always have, but what a fucking lifestyle to have while suffering from such mental anguish. What helped (music) hurt him, or at least, the shit that went with it all.

BlueDev

on Apr 03, 2004

Well, I will go out on a limb here and be the unpopular voice. But I am okay with that. As an artist I found him very cliche in an era where angst was simply the style of the day. As for his demise, I will simply quote a true lyrical genius, Neil Peart:

Proud swagger out of the schoolyard
Waiting for the world's applause
Rebel without a conscience
Martyr without a cause

And now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
Starring down into a heartless sea
Can't face life on a razor's edge
Nothing's what you thought it would be

All of us get lost in the darkness
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
All of us do time in the gutter
Dreamers learn to look at the cars
Turn around and turn around and turn around
Turn around and walk the razor's edge
Don't turn your back
And slam the door on me

Someone set a bad example
Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight

No hero in your tragedy
No daring in your escape
No salutes for your surrender
Nothing noble in your fate

Rush-"The Pass" (not in its entirety)

dharmagrl

on Apr 03, 2004

As an artist I found him very cliche in an era where angst was simply the style of the day

Yeah, but he was the first to do it dude..he was the first to burst the big hair bubble and bring a whole different sound and attitude with him.

I picked up on Nirvana in '89 when 'Bleach' came out. I got into them hard and fast, before they became mainstream.

I just think it tragic that someone who really didn't want the infamy and celebrity got it...and that in the end couldn't handle it anymore.

JeremyG

on Apr 03, 2004

I used to like Nirvana until he killed himself. Ever since I LOVE them!!!

In the time of grunge there were a hundred bands who all sang about having themselves, and hating life. They crying all the way to the bank and living the good life. Kurt was sincere, he really did mean all the things in his songs. Gotta respect that artisticly.

dharmagrl

on Apr 03, 2004

Kurt was sincere, he really did mean all the things in his songs.

Exactly. He lived it...talked the talk, walked the fucking walk. That's what made him so fucking awesome.

BlueDev

on Apr 03, 2004

Yeah, but he was the first to do it dude..he was the first to burst the big hair bubble and bring a whole different sound and attitude with him.

Sorry, but no. Punk artists had been writing scathing songs about how bad life sucked and how pissed off they were about it all long before Kurt and others made it "de modo" to be angry.

And while I agree that his demise was tragic I also echo Neil's sentiments "No hero in your tragedy, no daring in your escape, no salute for your surrender, nothing noble in your fate." Learning to live takes much more courage than choosing to die.

dharmagrl

on Apr 03, 2004

Punk artists had been writing scathing songs about how bad life sucked and how pissed off they were about it all long before Kurt and others made it "de modo" to be angry.

I don't think that grunge was necessarily about anger, I think it was more about apathy. And Nirvana were grunge pioneers, and the were also the first band to unseat Poison et al.
I grew up in 1970's England, I witnessed punk first hand, btw....I watched kids stick safety pins through their noses and lips to make themselves unemployable so they could claim the 'dole' (unemployment)...strange, seeing as Punk was about anarchy...

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