If I did, then I'm glad.  I can totally understand why your friend acts as if her new family is the only thing in the world - it's for the same reasons that I'm so protective and defensive of mine.  We cherish those that are here with us, and we somehow tell ourselves that we're cherishing those who are not with us too.  It hurt so bad, Tex.  It still does.  I'm almost weepy writing this. 

I had to not think about them sometimes in order to make it.  I hope that you can understand that.

I do it all the time for one reason or another.  I did it with them being separated from me, I did it with my grandfather dying, and I did it with the accident for over a year.  It wasn't until late last year when Dave was at the academy that I let that one out.....I cried on the phone all evening and all poor Dave could do was tell me it was okay, it was okay because he was there for me and loved me.

Neither do I.  I partied a LOT, drank a LOT, and engaged in some very risky behaviour of all shapes and sizes and colors and flavors.  I was in self-destruct mode, and if I hadn't met Dave and been friends with him for almost a year before we got romantically involved.....well, I think I'd be dead.  So, he unknowingly saved my life.  I was really in a bad way when we met, Tova.  He straightened me out bit by bit, even though we weren't dating.  And when we did start to date....well, he was even better.

It was that thought that kept me going some days.  That one day they'd be grown and they'd come looking for me and that I HAD to be there for that because I wasn't going to let them down again.

She looks a lot like me.  And sounds a lot like me. 

That makes me happy.

I think that's why her reaction angered me so much, left me feeling so hurt.  Because by then my daugher had been in touch, and I simply couldn't understand how anyone with  shred of humanity in them could NOT respond to their own child.  I still don't get it, but I'm glad that my birth mother failed to follow through.  Becuase now I don't have to deal with a mother who's a complete and utter bitch.

I'm pretty sure I know how you meant it, and I'll take it with a thank you.  The feelings are reciprocal, and I wish you'd write more.  However, if your lack of appearance here is because you're spending time with your family, then I'm all about that.

Thank YOU for reading it and for saying what you said.

I'm glad that you do, and it's a feeling that I wouldn't wish upon anyone else.  Ever.  It's the worst pain I've ever experienced.  I've never lost a child as in I had one die, but I can imagine what it feels like from this experience.  It's a soul shattering, mentally incapacitating pain.  It's just horrible.

Yes, they do.  I've told them ever since they were small. We don't talk about it often because it's painful for me, but we do talk about it.  Shea and her sister look a lot alike.

It IS sad. I'm sure I'm not the only person in this situation; there are other women who found themselves in the same situation as me and had their babies taken away from them.  Things have changed now, I think.  Reforms have been made and there are laws that protect women and children from this kind of manipulation.

And yes, it's incredibly sad that there are men who will do this kind of thing to their wives and ex wives.  Looking back, the whole marriage was a vortex of insanity, and I got sucked right in.  Some of the key players in his family had some mental health issues, so normal slowly became ....well, crazy.  Between him and them, I lost sight of what was real and what wasn't, and it took me ages to get over some of the things that happened.  Poor Dave took the brunt of some of that behaviour - I think I still had some residual insanity left in me during the first few months of our marriage. Because I had been cheated on (regularly; everywhere he went he screwed some chick) I had some abandonment issues.  Because there had been some alcohol abuse that led to violence, I had problems with Dave wanting to have a quiet drink or two. I had issues with a LOT of stuff, and he had to deal with it.  I owe him a lot, unknowingly he straightened me out and made me feel whole again. 

When I got up this morning and saw that this had been featured, I didn't immediately think 'oh, cool'!  like I usually do when I get a feature.  I sat in a kind of stunned silence, not knowing quite what to feel or think.  But you know what?  I'm glad that it got featured.  It's my secret story, and it needs to be told.  I need to air this, to let it out of it's compartment and hopefully let the guilt and shame associated with it go.

Having other people read it is going to help a lot. 

You had to walk away.  It is very sad that it came to that, and it is the most difficult thing to do (some never learn how to do it).  I hope you get a relationship with them at some point.  I cannot fathom a parent that would do as your ex has done.  It is beyond my comprehension, altho I have seen it all too often.

Never having a relationship with my father (by his own decision, not my mothers), I do know that my sister tried to re-establish one after she grew up.  Kids do come home, and it seems that yours will one day come home as well.  Some dont.  I never tried.  Nor did my brother.