I don't have any adivce, only words to tell you we care. I'm so sorry your family is facing another seperation.

Sorry to hear this D..

Hope your ok. x

The feeling I've got about your husband is that he does do the right thing, as hard as it might be

Your feelings are 100% correct.  He's all about doing the right thing rather than the easy thing, and that sometimes means that life is harder on him than other people think it needs to be.

Hello, are you *insert name of lameass he's replacing*?

I know who he's replacing.  He works with Dave every day.  I speak to him regularly.  He's been warned, however, to avoid me like the plague for.....well, forever.  I've made it very well known that if I am in the same room as him things will get nasty because I refuse to hold my tongue over this.  Dave's said the same thing, that this guy needs to stay the hell away from him.  I'm not calling Dave on his office phone this week because this guy might answer the phone and I can't risk hearing his voice - I know it'll set me off.  I might not have a huge body to kick someone's ass with, but I have a tongue that will rip a person to shreds.

It is a pity the good people in the world get the blunt end of the stick most of the time.

You know what though, Maso?  I think that all of it helps us become who we are.  It's adversity that shows a person's true colors.  Like this situation:  he could have gone whining to the commander, to the wing commander, but he hasn't.  He's made his feelings known, yes....but he's prepared to do the right thing, and the right thing is to take this retard's place and deploy with the team.  Those are his true colors. 

I don't have any adivce, only words to tell you we care

Thanks, Joey.  Btw, I've got a pattern for a pair of red baby pants that have a little devil tail coming off the back of them that I want to make for Jayna.  Oh, and I'm working out a pattern for baby leg warmers!

 

Hope your ok.

I'm alright, P.  I'm used to this. 

Oh Dharma, I am so sorry to hear this. And awed at your resolve. I honestly can say that I don't know how you do it. You are an amazing person, your children and your husband have been touched by fortune to have you in their lives.

It is a rough life for anyone with a family which i s why i always recommend that people in the army do without marriage and/or kids. Harsh but it saves them some heartache.

My best wishes go to you and Dave.

Dharma,

My best wishes (and prayers, if you'll accept them) for you and Dave over this trying summer.

I was listening to a CD the other day that spoke to me (the song, not the disc ) It made me think about all the times that I've been away from home on business. I hope you don't mind, but I dedicated it to you, TW and a couple others.

Article can be found Link <-- there

A note from a guy that's been in country, although single at the time, crawled though jungles,and dodged 7.62's; that's a figure of speech, nobody dodges'em. Although I won't claim understanding of how tuff it is for you or other families stateside, your part to your husband is just as vital as his part is to the safety and security of our nation. For what ever the reason, he's doing what he feels is the right thing, which means in my book, he has the right stuff!!!! Doing what's right is never easy, regardless of the act. He's giving you the stuff you can hold in your heart and be forever proud of. When the going gets tough....you know the rest.

I honestly can say that I don't know how you do it.

I just don't think about it.  If I thought about it, I'd be overwhelmed and unable to deal with things...so I just get up in the morning and do what needs to be done that day.  I take the good and try and hold it close to keep me going when things get crappy (which they will).  I just keep trudging along, counting the days until he comes home.  When I have a bad day, I got to bed at night praying the tomorrow will be better, and when I have a good day I'm grateful for the break from drama and stress.  That's all there really is to it.

My best wishes go to you and Dave.

Thanks, Greywar.  He reads my blog frequently, and he's asked about you and Pseudo in the past...I think that he feels like you guys know what's up and know about some of the crap he has to deal with.

My best wishes (and prayers, if you'll accept them) for you and Dave over this trying summer

Oh, I'll accept them, and I'll add them to the prayers I've been silently sending out into the great unknown. Thank you for the dedication, it was really very touching!

 

your part to your husband is just as vital as his part is to the safety and security of our nation.

I know.  That's what I keep telling the new spouses, that they too have an impact on whether the mission is accomplished or not. 

 

When the going gets tough....you know the rest.

Sure do.  I see the weaker ones fall out almost daily.  Like now.  The whole reason he has to go again is because some weak idiot fell out. 

That's what I keep telling the new spouses, that they too have an impact on whether the mission is accomplished or not.

Even though I don't know you I am pleased you're there talking and offering guidance to these woman. I know what you mean by the fall out. I've seen it's sorry affects on some men working offshore for some agencies. It's sad and more disappointingly reflects how much our youth lacks appreciation for duty, commitment, self discipline and patience. All qualities I might add are required for being a good husband and parent. One things for sure, I wouldn't want to be in a combat zone or a undercover offshore worrying about how unhappy my wife is feeling back home.

You know what though, Maso? I think that all of it helps us become who we are.

Oh I know this but it still doesn't it make it any easier for you and the kids. Here is hoping the person who was supposed to go ends up going and you all get to spend your summer together.

I swear the hardest part was making plans that you didn't know if they would happen or not. But, like you, we made them all the same. Like you, my wife kissed me goodbye (again), knowing that most our friends hadn't been gone as much, or as long. It got hard for her to listen to other wives complain about their husbands when hers was gone (again).

"The hardest job in the military" is even harder for those whose soldiers, airmen, sailors or marines are dedicated and have a strong enough work ethic to resist the temptations of riding sick call and causing trouble. The same sense of dedication that keeps us loving each other through the worst of it, puts us "wheels up" (again).

The only words of comfort I have for you is my utter awe for you. I can think of few examples of the very definition our Heavenly Father had in mind when He invented the concept of Wife/Husband and Mother/Father as those who hold on to each other through the constant deployments and "Semper Gumby" lifestyle of the dedicated military family. You Karen, are one of my heroes!

(((Call me whenever you need to. I'd call you, but I lost your number))))

Hugs Dharma...I'll keep praying for you guys.

Your articles are very touching. I don't completely understand what you and your family are going through, but can only imagine. I was drawn to your articles because I am desparate for some advice. My advice deals with something you seem to be familiar with and that is relationships and the air force.

I was dating a guy for almost 4 years and he decided to join the air force. Though it was tough I made it through his basic training, but missed him like crazy. During basic we wrote each other and he told me how much he missed me and how he couldn't wait to see me. I attended his graduation ceremony and though things were a bit ackward getting reaquainted, things seemed to be going okay. He attend more training and then came home a few months later. He actually surprised me by not telling me he was coming home. Things were going fine and then a few days later he said he needed space and didn't want to be with me. I was so hurt and confused, but we managed to talk it through and agreed to work on things (even though I still don't know was wrong). He was stationed the whole way on the other side of the country and about one month later, got into an agruement with me and said that he didn't want to be with me.

To this day I still don't know why we are not together. I love him so much and really want to make things work. We still keep in contact and though he seems distant he still says off the wall things that make me believe he still loves me. When I asked him why we are not together he says that he no longer has love for me and that we grew apart. I can't grasp this. How does a person love someone enough to be romantic and surprise you and then two days later say they don't want anything to be with you.

I often wonder if this mixed emotion state and off the wall comments he makes about not loving me after 4 years is a result of him being in the service. I really don't want to hold on, but I really want things to work out for us in the future and want to be patient at the same time. I know he is going through alot, but I am so willing to try and understand him if he would let me. It is really confusing because he will talk to others that I know and say that he still cares about me, but tells me something different. I tried not calling him as much and waiting for him to call me and he does, but acts distant and jokes around with me (like old times) at at the same time.

Do you have any advice? It seems that you may because of your current situation with your husband and being in the air force. I never imagined not being with him and I am desperate for some answers. I wish he would just open up and tell me what is going on. And maybe he doesn't love me anymore, but I really don't understand how you can love somebody one day and not the next. I kind of feel like it is a way that he can guard his emotions and feelings of lonliness from being away from me, but at the same time maybe I am wrong.

Any words of advice are welcomed. I could go on and on, but feel maybe you have enough to go off of for now.

Thanks.

Any words of advice are welcomed

Thoughts from a guy that's been there.

Being apart from someone for extended periods can only survive if there's a prior committed foundation to draw upon when tested, and I promise you tests happen for both parties, as with Dharmagrl and the girls she speaks of. One of the reasons I didn't marry till late in life is making a commitment means a great deal to me. When traveling offshore, with all the in country variables, knowing a woman is back home waiting.... fielding volatile "what if" emotions would cause unneeded frustration for me in a time when all my facilities need to be sharp and in the moment. She would have been tested when out with the girls while I would be challenging my morals every time I went out with the boys on R&R. In the end, a test that's bound to fail for one or both since the relationship hasn't matured to marriage regardless of length. I say that because dating someone for 4 years indicates single life isn't quite finished.

A man with character doesn't want to fail himself by having a one night fling followed by nagging moral questions knowing he broke his code of ethics. His choices would be either live with the guilt from then on or do further harm by telling her of his transgressions, in either case, nobody wins.

Just look at your feelings now....wondering. Now doubt you feelings are worthy. Just put them in a closet and look at him honorably. He valued you enough not to harm you with vagaries. In the end, breaking it off and telling those he encounters he still cares about the gal back home is natural and respectful. If the 4 years was meant to move the next level, some how the two of you will meet up again and maybe better prepared to move the next level.

Any words of advice are welcomed

The military changes people, and he's trying to let you down gently. You should take the hint and move on.  I don't know that I can help you any further; my experiences are limited to the realm of marriage and military spouseship. 

I do agree with Titanl though.  I think that if your relationship didn't bear fruit after 4 years; if he didn't ask you to marry him before he joined the Air Force......then it was probably not going to come to anything anyway.