Dave came home this evening with a sad look on his face and handed me a piece of folded paper.

"Read it, and we'll talk" he said.

I knew before I opened it what it was.

He's leaving at the beginning of next month for 3 weeks training.  Then he comes home for 3 weeks, gets his A bag ready.......and deploys in March.

For 6 months. To the desert.  A different location than last time, but a place that will give him combat pay all the same.

This means that all the things that we had hoped to do this summer are going to have to be put on hold.  Again.  He's going to miss Jake's birthday.  Again.  And my birthday.  Again.  The kids being out of school.  Again.

There will be no trips to Six Flags.  No camping.  No fishing.  No trips to the UK to see my folks (that's what the tax refund was going to help fund).

We sat and worked it out earlier.  Since we got here in September of 2004, he's been home for 10 months.  That means that when we reach our 2 year anniversary for being here at Scott, he'll have been here, physically here, less than half of that time.

That's fucking bullshit.  I know motherfuckers who haven't gone anywhere the entire time we've been here.  They're the same rank as my husband, same AFSC (that's MOS for you army folks).....yet they always manage to find a way out.  They come down with some ailment, or they manage to fuck up - actually, that's why he has to go this time.  Somebody dropped out because they fucked up (I can't say more than  that about it...I'd love to tell you, but I can't) and they're in trouble.  So, because they fucked around and got themselves into shit, my family pays the price. 

There's a slim chance that the person who dropped out will still be able to deploy.  I'm hoping that's the case. I know the guy, and I'm hoping that he gets to go...he hasn't been anywhere in the last 15 months, so he's overdue to deploy.  I'm not holding my breath, though.  The way things go around here.....I'm just going to prepare for Dave to leave.

I'm trying to keep my game face on, but....it's hard.  It's so hard....I keep tearing up, I keep thinking about how lonely I get and how another summer by myself is going to be really, really hard.  We were so hoping to have a reprieve so that we could work on our problems, and now it doesn't look like we're going to get one.

Dave, bless his little heart, was worried that I'd tell him I wanted a divorce when I found out he was leaving again.  He was scared that I'd tell him I couldn't do this anymore, that being his wife was too hard and that I wanted out.

I don't.  I don't want out.  Yes, this is hard, but it's worth it. He's worth it.

I love you, Dave, and no distance is going to change that.  I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to be right here waiting for you to come home.

Waiting, and loving you.....no matter where you are.