Fun with green hair and fake eyelashes.

Published on December 14, 2005 By dharmagrl In Home & Family

My daughter is slowly adopting a neo-punk style. She's listening to GreenDay and The Ramones, has hijacked my Converse and made them her own, had me wrap some strands of her hair and put beads on the end, and is experiementing with neck ties, Tshirts and ripped and then safety-pinned jeans and pants.

She hasn't been well the past few days, but today she said she felt well enough to come out with me for an hour and choose her Christmas gifts.

We spent an hour and a fair chunk of change in Hot Topic and Shea came out smiling brighter than I have seen her smile in weeks. She got earrings, socks, T-shirts, neck ties, bracelets, rings, wallets and buttons to go in little parcels uner the christmas tree. She also got some green fake eyelashes to go with the neon green temporary hair color she likes to wear in her hair.

After we came home she took a nap, and when she woke up she asked me if I would help her put the eyelashes on and put green streaks in her hair. I did, and she literally squealed and beamed at the results.

"I look so awesome, mom!!! This is PERFECT!!!!! You're so cool for helping me do this!!"

In a day and age where teenagers are keeping secrets from their parents, (secrets that sometimes end in their demise or disappearance), where drugs are readily available and huffing is happening all over suburbia, where 12 years olds are having sex and anyone over the age of 30 is considered the 'enemy'.....my child and I are connecting and bonding over neon green eyelashes and safety pinned jeans.

I don't want to be 'the enemy'. I don't want my child to feel like they have to keep secrets from me because they feel I won't understand. I don't want to be shut out of their lives.

If my daughter thinks that I'm cool because not only do I let her express herself her individuality with clothes and hair color but I actually support her and help her do it...then I'm going to keep on letting and supporting and helping. My parents never did that with me; everything was a battle and I subsequently kept a lot from them. They didn't understand why I wanted to dress differently and do odd things with my hair, so why would the understand anything else? (For the record, I don't think that green hair looks particularly fetching, but that's how she's choosing to express herself so I'm going to help her do it, and do it properly rather than half assed.)

I didn't raise my children to be miniature versions of myself. I raised them to be individuals. Having fun with green hair and fake eyelashes is Shea's way of being an individual, and I am incredibly proud.

Comments

MarcieMoo

on Dec 14, 2005

Very cool.

I think it's also cool that Shea, from what you have said in the past, is cool about having her own funky sense of style but doing it in a modest way--she doesn't want all those teenage parts hanging out. SHE isn't like that, versus you MAKING her dress modestly. There's a lot to be said for having that kind of character at thirteen.

You should be very, very proud of your daughter...and of yourself and D for instilling that strong sense of self into your children.

MasonM

on Dec 14, 2005

I think it's great that you not only allow her to express herself, but help her with it. Far too many parents try to repress a child's natural urge to express who they are, or want to be. Conformity rules...cowards.

Too bad society in general can't be as encouraging and open-minded as parents such as yourself. What an interesting world this would be.

dharmagrl

on Dec 14, 2005

Shea, from what you have said in the past, is cool about having her own funky sense of style but doing it in a modest way--she doesn't want all those teenage parts hanging out. SHE isn't like that, versus you MAKING her dress modestly.

She's VERY aware of her body and how it's changed and is changing. She's not interested in wearing short skirts and belly shirts, and she also understands why girls who wear those clothes get more male attention than girls who wear jeans and tees do. She's pretty astute for her age, and I can't help but think that's due, in part, to the way she was raised.

I think it's great that you not only allow her to express herself, but help her with it. Far too many parents try to repress a child's natural urge to express who they are, or want to be.

Thank you, Mason. That really means a lot to me, coming from you.

Like I said, I don't particularly like the green hair - I'd prefer hot pink - but that's what she's chosen to do so I'm going to help her do it. It washes out anyway, so what's the harm in letting her have it? Even if it were permanent I think I'd want to help her...I'd make her wait and think about it for a month or so, but if she still wanted to do it then I'd help her.

I draw the line at tattoos and facial piercings. She's asked if she can get her cartilage pierced and I've said yes, but I'm not going to let her get a nasal or brow piercing, a labret or a monroe until she's out of junior high.....and tattoos are out of the question until she's in college.

She and I really bonded today, and I hope that continues....

Spc Nobody Special

on Dec 14, 2005

Sounds fun. I wish I could play with green hair. Got any pics?

dharmagrl

on Dec 14, 2005

Sounds fun. I wish I could play with green hair. Got any pics?

I wanted to take some, but she won't let me until she's feeling better and is dressed in her punk-y best. Don't worry, there will be photos. I have to have SOMETHING to tease her with at her wedding.....

Locamama

on Dec 14, 2005

You're such a fun mom! Have fun with her. I wish I had a girl to dress up punk style.

MarcieMoo

on Dec 14, 2005

That's what I was getting at. I don't know that young women would get to that point without some serious guidance at home--and that would be you and Dave!

Dr Guy

on Dec 15, 2005

I remember Hot Topic. Still have their frequent purchaser card as well. But mine passed quickly through that stage! If I can find it, I willl send it to you if it is still good (only has a couple of marks on it tho).

zweihander01

on Dec 16, 2005

I don't know whether to recoil in horror over Hot Topic or congratulate you two on not being enemies.

dharmagrl

on Dec 17, 2005

You're such a fun mom! Have fun with her. I wish I had a girl to dress up punk style

Thanks! Boys dress punk too, yanno....

I don't know that young women would get to that point without some serious guidance at home

I think that the guidance helps, but....I'm not prepared to take all the credit for it. I think that setting an example is a big deal too. Dave and I have never been what other people would consider 'normal'. We're both unafraid to be ourselves, and I think that the kids are just following our example.

Still have their frequent purchaser card as well. But mine passed quickly through that stage! If I can find it, I willl send it to you if it is still good (only has a couple of marks on it tho).

Cool, thanks!!

I don't know whether to recoil in horror over Hot Topic or congratulate you two on not being enemies

Aww, Zwei....you have to understand that she's 13 and is just starting to get into this stuff. In a couple of years she'll have outgrown HT, but for now...it's heaven to her. We still bicker. We're mother and daughter, bickering is inevitable.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!