I've had this discussion with Dave and my friend Rob over the past couple of days..which prompted me to write about it.
The first year is NOT the hardest. They're all hard, to varying degrees, because, I think, the relationship is constantly changing and evolving so you have to change and evolve too...or is that that because you're changing and evolving, your relationship has too as well? Either way, each year doesn't neccessarily get easier, just different.
The wedding ceremony is NOT the culmination of events, it's just the beginning. You can't sit back and think 'oh, I'm married now, I don't have to try so hard anymore' Wrong! You have to try as hard, if not harder to keep things interesting. Living the life that we do, I have the opportunity to see a LOT of women get married, have kids, gain a whole lot of weight, stop wearing make-up, start wearing sweats and baggy T's 24 x 7, and generally stop making an effort.....because they're married now, they got a man. They then wonder why their 'man' spends more time out of the house than in it....and I'm assured that this works both ways. Guys are just as culpable, 'letting themselves go' and not giving a shit. It's not all about appearances, either, it's about who you are as a person...but how you look does make a difference (IMHO). I'm not saying that this is the sole cause of infidelity and divorce because it's not, but it sure as hell doesn't help any.
Sometimes it's easier (and perhaps better) to keep your mouth shut and keep the peace. Me being the kind of person I am, and Dave being the kind of person he is, we've had some knock-down, throw-stuff-at-each-other, screaming and yelling matches...and whilst make-up sex is great, sometimes it just aint worth it. Things get said in anger and frustration that you probably don't mean, its hard to keep your temper and hold your tongue (it is for me, anyway)..so you learn to pick your battles. We've had arguments that led to one of us slamming out of the house after having said we wanted a divorce -all because of a stupid TV commercial. Like I said, sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut.
You have to make an effort in the bedroom. Just because it was the best you'd ever had in the beginning doesn't mean it's not going to get a little..errrm....stale? You gotta experiment a little, throw your parter a curve ball (no pun intended) every now and then. Even if your idea of wild sex is doing it with the lights on, you have to mix it up a bit. This goes back to making an effort...it's all work, whichever way you look at it.
Finally....marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself accordingly.
So, there, that's all the stuff I can think of for now...I know there are many, many more things but I'm having a bit of a block and can't think of anything right at the moment...so feel free to add your 2 cents' worth. I'm interested in what sage advice other people have...