Silence.

Published on October 11, 2005 By dharmagrl In Misc

Neither I or the person who contacted my birth mother have heard anything from her, despite her assurance that she would contact one of us.

This silence is difficult, it's awkward. I can handle whatever decision she makes; I just want to know. If she decides that she doesn't want to talk to me or know me, then that's great. I'm not going to be devastated by her rejection....I don't have an emotional attachment to her. Yes, she's my birth mother, but if I were to walk past her on the street tomorrow I wouldn't know her. I don't have a bond with her, I don't feel linked to her somehow. I had iften wondered if I would....you read stories of people who found their birth relatives and had an immediate emotional bond with them, much the same as a new mother has with her infant....but I don't have that.

I don't know why she hasn't been in touch. Perhaps she's created a life for herself that she doesn't want disturbed. Perhaps having to explain me to her friends and relatives, to her neighbors and colleagues...perhaps that would be too difficult for her. I can understand that. I know that she's told her other children about me, so I don't think that they're the problem. I know too that she's widowed, so it's not her husband that's the problem. Maybe she has a boyfriend who doesn't know; maybe she's worried that he'll think less of her if she tell him about me. Maybe she's lied about her background and my sudden appearance would mess it all up. There are so many variables....

...so, I don't know why she hasn't been in contact. I DO know that I wish she'd let me know what she's thinking and feeling about this whole thing so that I can stop imagining things and KNOW what's going on, why she hasn't been in touch. Like I said, I can handle her not wanting to know me. It's just the silence that I don't like.

I think that if I haven't heard anything by the end of the week that I'll send her another letter, asking her why she hasn't responded. I'll explain to her what I explained here...that I'm cool with whatever her decision may be, but that I kind of need to know what that decision is. Strike that, I don't 'kind of' need to know. I NEED to know. So that I can move on. So that I can either say 'I know where my birth mother is, I know that she's alive and well' and be satisfied with that, or so that we can start to build a relationship, a rapport with each other.

So, right now I'm in limbo on the birth mother front. I don't like that. I don't like it at all.

Comments (Page 2)

lifehappens

on Oct 12, 2005

Two thoughts: (both may seem overly optimistic, but bear with me)
1) Maybe she has a life. And maybe, just maybe something (else) happened to disrupt her life. Her dog died, Her kids are sick. Her husband lost his job. Her mum is at deaths door....Not that these are good things., but have you considered the possibility that your letter might have come at an inopportune moment? She may not have time or the emotional balance to deal with a child coming back into her life right now. Give her a few weeks just in case, and then send a gentle (NON accusing) note. she may have put it out of her mind in the midst of a life crisis.
2) Maybe she has no good reason not to respond, but like so many of us who commit before thinking, she is now having second thoughts. "what do I want out of this relationship?" "Will K actually resent me?" "What will she think of me?" "Dang, I REALLY need to lose 5 lbs." It could be anything from simple insecurity to dealing with emotions that have been repressed for 30 years. She may have to deal with the knowlege you are there.....before she contacts you. Once again, I jus thave to suggest you not panic and assume the worst.
and 3) (Haven't you ehard of the spanish Inquisition? I'm allowed three) Did you check with Tracy again? Maybe Tracy got the info? Or her husband took the message?

Nothing that happens now is your fault. Take time and don't assume the worst yet. Everything takes longer when you are waiting.....

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