...my real mother, that is - not my birth mother.  I'm finding myself having to make the distinction between the two more and more often.

So, I rang my mum and told her about locating my birth mother.  She took it really very well, considering.  She didn't seem very surprised and was actually very helpful.

My younger brother is adopted too, you see, and he want and found his birth mother a few years ago.  it was disastrous.  My mum and dad invited Chris's birth mother over for tea so they could share pictures of Chris as an infant and child with the; they really opened their hearts and their home to this woman and tried not to show my brother how hurt they were.  Chris did something that I found reprehensible though - after he had a huge fight with my mum and dad (he squared off to my dad and called my mum a 'cu%t) he moved in with his birth mother....and she let him.  She took his side, and she turned against our parents.  There was a lot of misery and heatache over that, and I remember being absolutely furious at Chris.

So, I had a lot of apprehension about telling mum about Veronica.  She simply said that she'd always thought that I would go looking at some point, and that she wasn't angry or hurt.  I said that I didn't want a replay of the Christopher situation, and she said that she was confident that'd never happen.  I'm a LOT different than my brother; I'm not one to play people against each other.  I explained to her my reasoning for doing it, and she asked if finding Veronica and knowing that she's alive gave me some peace....which it does.   She advised me to be very clear about not wanting a full-on relationship with Veronica from the very start - which I am. 

it's all still very confusing.  I've been having a real struggle with all this information in the past few days.  I've had to decide what I want....and talking to my mum just reinforces what I had felt.  Veronica created and carried me (with a little help from my birth father); she gave me life.  Mum and dad, however....the fed, clothed and raised that life.  They picked that life up when it fell, they kissed boo-boos better and they instilled in me values that I still carry with me today.  They weren't physically able to give me life, no....but they've done a damn fine job of loving me for the past 36 years. THEY are my parents, not Veronica...and that's NEVER going to change.  I'm not looking for a mother-daughter relationship with V...in fact, I'm not sure if I even want a relationship with V.  For now, I'm just taking things one step at a time.  We'll write/email to each other, feel each other out, and take it from there.

I feel so much better now that mum knows.  Much, much better.  Now I've got it all out in the open, talking to V, knowing about her ... it isn't going to feel so clandestine and dirty.  Everyone  is on the same page, we're all aware of each other.  Besides, my mum is my confidante.  I tell her almost everything, and not telling her about this would have tainted our entire relationship.

I'm not going to let anyone sully my relationship with my parents, period.  Birth mother or not.