This is going too far

Published on September 22, 2005 By dharmagrl In Misc

"Your parents don't need to be calling here and complaining. If you're late for lunch, it's your fault, not mine"

"...I wouldn't go run to my mommy and say "waaah"!! I didn't get to eat!...."

"This room is like my house. I'm going to do what I want to in my house..."

All of the above are statements that my son's teacher made to him and the rest of his class this morning after she had spoken to my husband.

I personally think that they're HIGHLY inappropriate.

I'm so mad right now, I can't think straight. I was going to call the school, but I'm too mad to be articulate, so I'm going to wait until tomorrow.

How DARE she.

Comments (Page 2)

MarcieMoo

on Sep 22, 2005

Welcome, and I already did. Dave called her this morning, and these comments are what she said to the kids after she got done talking to him.

Sorry, must have missed that somewhere. I'd still try one more time with her face to face...and then let the principal know what's going on...He or she might not honestly know what's going on in the lunchroom as far as time (not that that makes it okay). But comments like those are not okay. They're militant.

I talk to my kids about being responsible for our behavior and if they get a little out of control I have them take a break. First graders can understand that they choose their behavior...but comments like that...definitely not appropriate.

ParaTed2k

on Sep 22, 2005

I guess undermining parents and speaking badly about them to the kids is now part of what some "teachers" consider "professional"??? And they wonder why we don't give them the respect that they should deserve!

HC1240

on Sep 22, 2005

I'd file a written report with the principal, and I'd also request that my child be moved to a different class.

I say that now, but 10 years ago when my daughter was in kindergarten, I wasn't strong enough. Teachers always intimidated me. Her kindergarten teacher met me at the door one afternoon and told me that Jessica had wet her pants. She then promptly launched into a lecture that made me want to dig a hole in the floor and crawl in. "This child has NO business being in school if you can't even potty train her..." I explained to the teacher that she was indeed potty trained to which she just smirked and said, "Oh, really!" (you know the look... that "you can't pull one over on ME" look). I went home in tears. A half hour later, Jessica screamed my name from the bathroom... I went running to find blood trickling down her leg. I panicked and took her to the ER, wondering who in that idiotic school had messed with my child and thinking of various things I could do to torture him. It turns out it was a urinary tract infection, brought on by too much time in the bubble bath... (something outlawed in my house from that point on..LOL)

My point is this: I should have reported that woman to the school and held her accountable for her actions. At the time, she was a veteran teacher - arrogant and all-knowing. I was brand new to the school system and terribly intimidated. At that point in my life I was very concerned with what others thought of me... and I was crushed that my first experience with someone I was trying very hard to impress was such a disaster. I was afraid of being known as the "trouble-making" parent... or that horrid woman who gripes about everything. So I kept silent. I left my daughter in the class, but after several encounters where this woman made me feel like dirt, I withdrew Jessica from the school and homeschooled her for 1st through 3rd grades.

The teacher is still there. My second daughter had her, and basically we ignored each other. She was still condescending and arrogant, I didn't give a crap what she thought of me. We survived.

This summer my girlfriend brought me a picture of her son's new teacher and asked me if I knew her. *sigh* I told her the entire story, and she said that a number of her friends had made similar comments about their experiences with her. Hearing my story was the back-breaker for her. She called the principal, related the story and asked to have her child moved. The principal gladly moved him to a new class and said, "I wish I had known. She'd have been terminated on the spot." I wish I had reported her.

Stick to your guns on this thing, dharma... your taxes help to pay her salary, and it's YOUR child she's affecting. I'd get him out of that class... and file a formal report so that at the very least, it will be in her record. She sounds like a juvenile. Her behavior (and comments) are VERY immature. I bet she's got some heavy duty issues going on in some other aspect of her life... she needs help.

bakerstreet

on Sep 22, 2005

Don't speak directly to her again. Make an appointment to speak to the principal and ask her to be present. Then talk to him, and don' t even look at her. If he won't respond find ways of inserting yourself into the situation more often so you'll have to be dealt with face to face.

You've hit a road block. The teacher isn't responding to you. You aren't under her authority, so you know what your next step in the chain of command is. Rattle cages hard enough someone will get chewed, even if it is because they are sick of hearing your mess.

I've dealt with teachers this way twice, and it worked well each time. I refuse to fight on their level, because I'm not on their level. They are a public servant, and I am the public. I don't argue with a cashier at McDonald's, I ask for the manager. You establish yourself to be at the level of whoever you wade into a fight with. Don't give the peons the satisfaction.

Shit falls easier than it throws. Start above them with the boss that would rather not be bothered by them. 90% of the time just having to deal with you will annoy them enough that the person in question will be "handled".

terpfan1980

on Sep 22, 2005

I have mixed feelings on what is going on here. I do believe that your child is telling the truth and that things are as described. I also believe the teacher is obviously going too far and needs to be reminded that while she/he is an authority figure for the children in her/his care, they don't have to behave like a jackass to get respect and hold it.

On the other hand, in the last I don't know how many years (seems like the last 20 give or take), I've seen teachers lose more and more respect and authority in their classrooms. A sibling is a teacher (or was), their spouse is also a teacher. The acts commited by the children in their classrooms have been ridiculous, including trying to poison my sibling (or at least trying to spike a drink that was in the classroom). My sibling's spouse had a student that decided it was appropriate to curse the teacher out. That student was reprimanded with a small slap and the sibling's spouse is lucky to still have a job, though everyone else in the class backed up the events as described by the teacher, not the student. That student was eventually booted from the classroom.

In many public schools it is now common place for students to curse at teachers as if they human scum. That should not be happening, and teachers need support from parents, and perhaps a little leeway to run their classrooms as necessary in order to maintain order.

But on issues like you described in the original article, it seems clear that the teacher has some domination issues, and a superiority complex. If the teacher doesn't want to work with the parents, then it is very appropriate for the school system to get involved, either at the local level (Principal and others in management) or at the school board level. Teachers that can't or won't work with parents or at least won't respond positively to parents that are concerned about their children's education are not helping anyone, and probably should be looking for another line of work.

dharmagrl

on Sep 22, 2005

But comments like those are not okay.

Thank you, I don't think they are either.

Exactly. I emailed the superintendent, and I mentioned to him that part of this schools core values are the 3 'r's....respect, responsibility and right choices. This teacher hasn't displayed ANY of those values in her dealings with either students or parents.

Stick to your guns on this thing, dharma...

I am. I'm not backing down now.

I refuse to fight on their level, because I'm not on their level. They are a public servant, and I am the public. I don't argue with a cashier at McDonald's, I ask for the manager. You establish yourself to be at the level of whoever you wade into a fight with. Don't give the peons the satisfaction.

Thank you, Baker. I'm dealing with the superintendent, and I'm no longer interested in speaking with the teacher. She had the opportunity to talk to us this morning, and she blew it. So, fuck her.

That should not be happening, and teachers need support from parents, and perhaps a little leeway to run their classrooms as necessary in order to maintain order.

I'm prepared to give teachers leeway to discipline my child in partnership with me, the parent. If my child has messed up, then by all means tell me and we'll work together to find an acceptable solution. Today's events were simply not acceptable from a 5th grader, let alone a teacher, someone who is supposed to be a professional.

dharmagrl

on Sep 22, 2005

don't know if the word BULLY garners the almost fanatical attention there as it does here, but if it does, I'd be talking to the super about this teacher BULLYING the kids.

Excellent point, one that I will be bringing up tomorrow when I talk with the school district superintendent.

dharmagrl

on Sep 22, 2005

don't know if the word BULLY garners the almost fanatical attention there as it does here, but if it does, I'd be talking to the super about this teacher BULLYING the kids.

Excellent point, one that I will be bringing up tomorrow when I talk with the school district superintendent.

Spc Nobody Special

on Sep 22, 2005

Forget the superintendent. Try to forget your Buddhist ways for a day, then hide out and bushwack her. If you hit her enough times with a nightstick or a bat, I garohntee (s' cajun, almost) she won't yell at your kids again. She might cringe when she sees them, but she won't yell.

dharmagrl

on Sep 22, 2005

I was afraid of being known as the "trouble-making" parent... or that horrid woman who gripes about everything. So I kept silent

That used to be a fear of mine too. I learned though, that you have to speak up. Some teachers have an infallability complex (that's not a dig at you, Marcie)and think that no parent could possibly know as much as they do. Sometimes the best thing you can do as a parent is speak up and keep speaking up for your child.

Davey's teacher last year was fantastic. His teacher the year before was great too, and his first grade teacher was Mr Melendez who was absolutely brilliant. He gave Davey a much needed male influence, and he was simply great. I don't have issues with ALL of his teachers......it just seems like this year we've got a not-so-good teacher and we're having a hard time with her.

We're kind of caught too....she's the Talented and Gifted teacher. The only TaG teacher for that grade. So, we can't really ask for him to be transferred to another class because he's working at a different level.

He said something to me earlier that really bothered me. He said that he was scared he'd get bad grades now because his teacher's fighting with his parents. I wanted to tell him that his teacher was a professional and would never do anything like that.....but after her actions and words this morning I really don't know that she wouldn't.

dharmagrl

on Sep 22, 2005

Forget the superintendent. Try to forget your Buddhist ways for a day, then hide out and bushwack her.

hehehe.....I sometimes wish that I could.

I'd really like to have a face off with her. i want to take karma's advice and ask her how it feels to push little kids around...if it makes her feel all important and powerful.

Bunnahabhain

on Sep 24, 2005

We're kind of caught too....she's the Talented and Gifted teacher. The only TaG teacher for that grade. So, we can't really ask for him to be transferred to another class because he's working at a different level.

Why should your child suffer - the teacher's the one with the problem. Ask to have her transferred to another class. She's obviously neither talented nor gifted.

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