Thinking 'bout death.

Published on September 10, 2005 By dharmagrl In Misc

This month's 'Utne Reader' focuses on death and our reactions to it.

It poses some questions...I've answered them, but I'd like to see what other people's answers are:

What is your worst-case scenario for how you will die?

For me, the worst case is to die after a long, painful, debilitating illness....in a hospice or nursing home, separated from the people I love either by distance or dementia or pain. I don't want to die in agony, laying in my own filth, unable to communicate with anyone. That's the worst way I can imagine.

What is your best-case scenario for how you will die?

Quickly, peacefully, of old age. I'd like to simply go to bed one night and not wake up. That's the best way i can imagine.

Even though there are no guarantees in life or death, what can you do now to maximize the odds of having a good death?

Well, looking after myself and being aware of what's going on with my body would be a start. I already have a will to take care of my material possessions, a living will and an advance medical directive, but I think that I ought to have an ethical will too - that's a document telling the people I love and who are important to me just how much I love them, what they meant to me and how I'd like to be remembered. I don't think that anyone is ever totally ready and prepared to die, but I guess that getting all my ducks in a row now is the best way for me to be prepared. I also could start living the life I want to live instead of putting it off and saying 'when we're retired, we'll do this' ...because I might not get to see retirement and then I'd never have done all the things I want to do.

What about you, JU-ers? How will you answer these questions?

Comments

Moderateman

on Sep 10, 2005

I just finished reading "be here now" by ram das. give it a shot D.

crimson

on Sep 10, 2005

worst case: in some kind of life and death crisis/accident with my daughter, and unsure if she's all right or not.
best case: that I don't recognize my own death; rather go on to something greater and more beautiful than now.
in the now: I could lose some weight, I could quit smoking and drinking and be more athletic. I could and I should are words that can drive a woman crazy.

Gideon MacLeish

on Sep 10, 2005

Personally, I'll take what I'm given. I don't know if I want an old age, but on the other hand, living to an old age means I've had a lot of years to influence (read: bug the shit outta) a lot of people.

But I agree with ol' Mr. Young on this one (even as I hope he will remember a southern man don't need him around anyhow): It's better to burn out than to fade away.

lifehappens

on Sep 10, 2005

i would hate to linger after an accident or disease. Not as much for my sake, but because of the suffering it owuld cause those I love.
I would like to die in my sleep at age 99... the same time as my husband. Gas leak maybe? That way we have lived long enough to not have regrets and niether of us needs to mourn the other. That or something that kills me instantly.
I think the thing to do now is make sure we don't carry things we will regret. Forgive others and make sure they know. Love those around us and make sure they know we don't regret how we lived our lives.

Shovelheat

on Sep 10, 2005

I want to die in my late nineties in a state of confused, happy dementia mowing the goddamned lawn. I want to be a slight - but not too bad- of a burden on those around me and be the kind of pain in the ass that people lament in line behind me at the grocery store. I want to sit drunk on the front porch watching my great-grandchildren play in the water sprinkler the day before and say shit-jesus-hot-diggity-damn it's been a helluva trip.

Yes, that would be cool. Remember:Those who fear death most are those who enjoy life least...

Furry Canary

on Sep 10, 2005

I'm with Roger McGough on this one. For those who don't know him, McGough is a Liverpool poet who first came to public attention during the 1960s - hence his reference in the poem below to the 'the Cavern', the Liverpool club in which the Beatles achieved their initial, local notoriety. Here is his poem, 'Let me die a young man's death'.

Let me die a young man's death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath death

When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an all-night party

Or when I'm 91
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber's chair
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted tommyguns burst in
and give me a short back and insides

Or when I'm 104
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but one

Let me die a young man's death
not a free from sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
'what a nice way to go' death

(Roger McGough)

drmiler

on Sep 10, 2005

What is your best-case scenario for how you will die?

Quickly, peacefully, of old age. I'd like to simply go to bed one night and not wake up. That's the best way i can imagine.

My thoughts "EXACTLY"!

Dr Guy

on Sep 12, 2005

What is your best-case scenario for how you will die?

With the last words "Oh shit!"

Moderateman

on Sep 12, 2005

What is your best-case scenario for how you will die?

I want my brother to be at my bedside, I will whisper, jack come closer so I can tell you something, when he leans in I will tap him onna cheek and say "I got ya last" then die. heh

KarmaGirl

on Sep 12, 2005

What is your worst-case scenario for how you will die?

Worst case is to die while my daughter is young. I've got a damn good grasp of my own mortality- have for some time. But, leaving my daughter without a Mom would seriously bite. All ways of death are "bad", so I really can't pick one. I used to think falling would be the worst, or maybe drowning. Falling into a lake and drowning would be worse....they are all "bad".

What is your best-case scenario for how you will die?

Quickly in my sleep after I'm old enough to have lived a full life but not so old that I've forgotten what life was like. Existing and living are not the same.

Even though there are no guarantees in life or death, what can you do now to maximize the odds of having a good death?

Just live life and not worry about the rest. Being fearful of death isn't worth it.

JillUser

on Sep 12, 2005

I don't want to outlive my kids or husband. The method of death I fear most is anything prolonged and painful. Cancer, for instance, scares the crap out of me.

I hope to live long enough to see my children and hopefully grandchildren grow up. I hope to die suddenly. I don't want to be one of those "well, she'd been sickly for a long time" types.

I maximize my odds of having a good death by enjoying the now while taking care of myself and doing some planning for the future. If I am always busy planning for tomorrow, I don't have time to worry about death.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!