Random ramblings

Published on August 26, 2005 By dharmagrl In Religion

I'm having a hard time with Buddhism lately.

I mean, the precepts are wonderful, but.....I'm a scrapper at heart *winks @ LW* and that just doesn't jive with Buddhism.

I've been reading and thinking about Hinduism a lot lately. I can dig the trinity they have - Brahma, Shiva and Vishnu, creator, protector, destroyer. It's a lot easier to swallow the concept of three separate deities, each representing a single facet than it is the Christian god who destroys cities, drowns people and does some horrible things to Job, then turns around and preaches love, tolerance and compassion a few hundred years later. At least with Hinduism you pray to whatever god you feel best suits your purpose...and if all else fails, Ganesh is your man. I think I'm going to get a Ganesh statue to sit alongside my Buddha and try to feed him milk every once in a while.....

I've also been reading about Chaos magick. It's an interesting concept, that. It's a bit deep and sometimes a little freaky sounding, but it makes a lot of sense.

I don't know how many of you watched 'The X-files', bit for those of you that did...do you remember the poster Mulder has in his office, the one that said 'I want to believe'? That's how I feel about Christianity. I really do WANT to believe, but I just can't. I've tried. I just don't think that Christianity is for me. Having said that, I read some Gnostic texts recently that gave me hope that there really IS a god and that the Bible isn't the end of the story....or even the ONLY story. There were some things contained in them that, when added to the things I'd read in the Bible, made a hell of a lot of sense. I even had a couple of 'ah, that makes perfect sense!' moments.

I guess what I'm trying to say about Christianity is that I really don't feel like I fit in with any particular 'brand', for want of a better word. I had thought about going to a United Church Of Christ that's close to where I live - I had seen their ad about everyone being welcome at their place, including gay people and thought that they might be willing to have me too - but that got sidelined because of the surgery and Dave coming home. Besides, pretty much ever denomination I know of would ask me to accept that the Bible is a complete and whole text, and after reading what I've read I don't believe that it is.

So, I guess for now I'll worship in my own way. Actually, I don't even think 'worship' is the right word to use. I think that 'honor' is better. I'll honor the universe around me, I'll honor whatever deities may be, I'll honor the earth who nourishes me, I'll honor my fellow humans (yeah, even the ones that I don't like or who piss me off) and I'll honor my promises to my husband and my kids.

I wonder if I could set up a 'Church of Dharma' and get a tax exemption certificate? I mean, if the Scientologists can do it.....

Comments (Page 1)

Dr Guy

on Aug 26, 2005

can dig the trinity they have - Brahma, Shiva and Vishnu, creator, protector, destroyer.

Wrong order, Shiva is the destroyer. Trust me. I am a Catholic, but love the Hindu Religion (as a study)

dharmagrl

on Aug 26, 2005

Oh, I got the secondary order wrong...I'm sorry. I knew that Shiva was the destroyer, I just listed them wrong.

Why do you like Hinduism, DG? What about it floats your boat?

Texas Wahine

on Aug 26, 2005

OK, let me ask you this:

Why do you NEED a religious philosophy to follow? I don't mean this in an antagonizing way, but more as a question of curiosity.

You have moral bearing that has transcended your Christianity and Buddhism and any other belief systems you've adopted, so I don't get the feeling that you need something to tell you what to do.

Do you feel the need to be a part of something larger? Do you seek something that will give you hope? Peace? An afterlife (or at least a reprieve from death)?

What is it about following a religious philosophy that appeals to you?

dharmagrl

on Aug 26, 2005

Do you feel the need to be a part of something larger? Do you seek something that will give you hope? Peace? An afterlife (or at least a reprieve from death)?

I honestly don't know. I know that it's not anything to do with the afterlife, and I know that it's got nothing to do with peace and hope.

I think that it's more a feeling of belonging. Not necessarily to anything larger than myself, but it does have to do with a sense of belonging. With Christianity, there's a feeling of fellowship when you go to church. With Buddhism, you go to a temple or to a meeting and you meet kindred spirits, people who think the way you do. I'd really, really like to have that. That fellowship, that communion with like-minded people. That's the one thing I miss about church, having people who were all there for the same reason as I was.

I'd really like to have somehting like that again.

dharmagrl

on Aug 26, 2005

It's only as deep as YOU need to make it.

Then I'm making it too hard for myself, because it's pretty deep....

Dr Guy

on Aug 26, 2005

Why do you like Hinduism, DG? What about it floats your boat?

The absolute order of things in the world. Nice to love, impossible to believe. But then we have our fictions, dont we?

dharmagrl

on Aug 26, 2005

Nice to love, impossible to believe.

That's the issue I had with Buddhism. I ended up having, I mean. The stuff about non-violence....nice to believe and easy to do if you're on a hill in a Tibetan monastery...but not so much in the 'real' world.

And yes, we all have our fictions.

lifehappens

on Aug 26, 2005

Ahhh, therein lies the rub. All religious belief holds at least to some extent the search for something greater (perfection) than we can ever hope to achieve in this life. Personally, I think it's the struggle and how far along our path we make it that counts...not where we are in relation to anyone else. Remember that the biggest difference in religious beliefs is the nomenclature. Most people's faith boils down to a fairly simple concept that holds true for everyone.

Chakgogka

on Aug 27, 2005

but.....I'm a scrapper at heart *winks @ LW* and that just doesn't jive with Buddhism.

This really made me smile, in a nice "that was insightful" kind of way. Of course, I could say something about the Buddhist tradition of Dharma Combat and how fierce that can get, but that's only skipping around the point...

Unlike my JU personna, the real me has a lot of issues with mental aggression and anger. So for me a spirituality that says, "rein it in a bit" has its uses. Karma, by one reckoning, is accumulated habit, so by trying to be more moderate, less combative and more ready to harmonise rather than assert, I gradually become these things... I have, perhaps, a natural head start in a genuine capacity to see both (or more) sides of the story, and a touching (or pathetic) desire to be liked - (depending on your pov...

)

And also seeing the other side of the story makes me think perhaps you do need to let rip there and scrap away...

It's all good...

Chaos magick sounds interesting...

Manopeace

on Aug 27, 2005

Try Judaism.... we have great food

Manopeace

on Aug 27, 2005

And give up ham, bacon, pork chops, ribs, roast pork with stuffing, sausage, smoked hocks (FABULOUS for seasoning fresh green beans) and deep fried pork rinds with hot sauce?

But you get matzoh balls, brisket, stuffed cabbage and lots more in its place

dharmagrl

on Aug 27, 2005

Unlike my JU personna, the real me has a lot of issues with mental aggression and anger. So for me a spirituality that says, "rein it in a bit" has its uses.

Me too...but just how realistic is it to ask a person to rein in their true selves, to deny their real persona? To me, that's like building a house of cards on a trampoline..it doesn't take much to bring the whole lot crashing down. I've tried, I really have....and there are still some Buddhist precepts that I really dig. I liked it because it didn't ask me to believe in anything that I couldn't find for my own self to be true and because there was nothing really supernatural about it (until you get into Tibetan traidtional Buddhism, that is and then there's all kinds of Taras and prayer flags and ghostly things going on). However....I'm getting weary of holding in my true self and perching on a Zen cloud. It's not 'me', y'dig? I feel like I can't be myself and remain true to Buddhism.

Personally, I think it's the struggle and how far along our path we make it that counts...not where we are in relation to anyone else

I've never really compared myself to other Buddhists because I've never had the physical presence of any Buddhists to compare myself to.

I can kid myself and say that it's not how well I adhere to any precpet that matters; trying is enough.....but that doesn't last for very long.

HC1240

on Aug 27, 2005

Christianity, for me, was where I found fulfillment. I tried to find it in a myriad of other things, athough not necessarily religion, but when my life bottomed out, I had to look up and I found a Savior waiting for me with open arms, in spite of the mess I had made of my life and the things I had done.

I'm not sure how to share with you how real God is in my life. I could spout all kinds of promises from the Bible that have proven to be true in my life... but really, it's so much more than that. It's this peace that I have as a result of my relationship with Him. Regardless of what happens to me, I can have peace in knowing that not only is this life not even close to being all there is... but I also have peace in knowing that He's right there going through all of it with me. I've been through situations and circumstances that I can look back on and I just know -- without a doubt -- that it was God's hand in my life. Of course, my daughter's healing is probably the most incredible way He's shown His power in my life... but there are so many other things too. Even little things... the way He answers my prayers... everything from "The taxes are due and I have no idea where this money's coming from... help!" (and then watching Him provide) to "Lord, my daughter's lying in that bed... and they're telling me that even if she makes it through the night, she might not live... but I know that You have the power to heal her if that's Your will..." and then seeing the amazing way He went above and beyond anything the doctors thought was possible. But then there are times that I'm so broken that I don't even have the words to say.. but still, I find peace inside because I know that He knows... I don't HAVE to say the words, because He sees inside of me and He's right here with me. I guess it's having someone to lean on and realizing that I don't have to make it through life on my own... that He doesn't want me to. When I think of how much He loves me... enough to die on a cross to pay the penalty for my sin... I'm just blown away. No other man would give his life for mine.. then again, He wasn't just some man. Recognizing how much I need Him... not just for my entrance to heaven, but just to make it through life itself... I don't know how to put into words how much I love Him and need Him.

So there ya have it... MY journey to faith. Sorry if it was a bit winded, and blunt... but it's my heart. I really do hope you find what you're looking for, Dharma, and that you find peace.

dharmagrl

on Aug 27, 2005

Try Judaism.... we have great food

I did once, and I didn't do well with it. Besides, I enjoy a nice pork rib too much...

HC, I don't mind you being long-winded; you were talking about your FAITH, girl...it's one of the things that your life hinges on and deserves a lot of description.

I have to ask you this, though: how would you have felt if you had prayed for your child or for your taxes and those prayers hadn't been answered? Would that have put a dent in your faith or caused you to re-assess where you're at?

One of the biggest issues I have with Christianity is all the crap that goes on in the world that god, being omnipotent and all powerful, does nothing about. I just can't accept that free will is the answer to all of it...

Chakgogka

on Aug 27, 2005

Me too...but just how realistic is it to ask a person to rein in their true selves, to deny their real persona?

Not at all realistic, maybe even downright dangerous. I certainly wouldn't recommend it. I'm talking more about me exercising a little self-control from time to time and maybe learning some new, gentler habits to replace the rather tired old ones.

One thing I've taken from Buddhism is the idea of 'noticing' my faults, not agonising about them or feeling guilty, 'sinful' or 'unworthy', but just giving them a kind of sympathetic 'attention'. From something so simple a lot of insights often flow that I feel wouldn't emerge if I were beating myself up about it all. Spiritual practice that lacks a basic kindness for ourselves can cause more problems than it solves. So I start to see my little 'Mr. Angry' go into action, and, instead of seeing myself as this bad person who needs to suppress such 'negative' thoughts and feelings, I just observe the way in which old habits go about their weary dance, the same stimuli giving rise to the same reactions in the same old way, and, very often I can see the funny side of it all.

If you really feel that you can't be yourself and remain true to Buddhism, then you're best off chucking the Buddhism, as you're obviously stuck with your 'self'.

There's an old zen saying that if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him! I'm sure I haven't even really begun to penetrate what that means, but what I take from it is this: Religion is a funny old thing. If we dive in there too deeply it can make us abandon common sense and tie ourselves in all kinds of knots. Religion should gently supplement our ordinary everyday experience of the world, not supplant it completely. Once it has done that, it's all gone a little bit weird and we're probably better off without it ('killing the Buddha').

Reading through this again, I'm almost disgusted by the number of words I've used just to say, "Don't worry. Be happy".

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