I'm 10 days pre-surgery today, and about half that many away from D coming home. Things are starting to happen now...things that I've been thinking about, praying about and meditating on for weeks.
D's last shift will be tomorrow. He's not sad to be leaving, he says. He hates it there. The people he deployed with are a good bunch for the most part. They had a little 'going home' dinner for him last night. He didn't want to go, but I told him he had to. If they think enough of him to want to say goodbye, he can at least show up and let them. He's already talking about looking into cross training when he comes back. The way his career field is going, he's going to be gone for 6 months, home for 6 months, gone for 6 months again...but there's also talk of making each of their deployments a year long. Then he'd be gone for a year, home for 6 - 9 months, gone for a year again. They're also going to end up basically funtioning as AF infantry. He loves being a cop; but he's achieved everything within his career field that he set out to do. There's nowhere else for him to progress to, except for rank and he can do that in any AFSC. So, he wants to not be a cop anymore. Says he's tired of always being gone; that if he wanted to be an infantryman he'd have joined the Army. He's not going to get any argument from me about changing career....all I want is for him to be happy.
I can hardly believe that by this time next week he'll be home. It seems like forever since I saw him last, and I'm afraid to get too excited about him coming home because I don't want to get disappointed. However...there's still that little flutter in my stomach when I think of being able to hold him (and be held by him) again. I don't know if I've ever told y'all this before, but....there really is no feeling in the world to compare to the rush that I get when I see him and hug him for the first time after a long separation. It's a fantastic feeling, it truly is.
Tomorrow I have to go get my bone growth stimuator fitted and sort out some last minute insurance papers at the neurosurgeon's office. Thursday I'm getting my hair cut, Friday I'm getting a pre-surgery physical done...it's turning out to be a busy week, The surgery is at 0730 on the 22nd, and we have to be at the hospital no later that 0600. We're leaving the kids at home, Shea is legally able (and more than capable) to look after her brothers for a couple of hours...and they'll probably still be in bed by the time D gets back. He said something to me the other day that really touched me. With previous surgeries, he's hung around long enough to see me wheeled into the OR, then he's split and come home. This time....he wants to stay. "I'm not sure I want to leave you there", he said. I told him that he really should come home and be with the kids; that I was going to be in the OR for a while and that I wouldn't be in any shape to talk or hang out when I came out of the anesthesia anyway. He said he still wasn't sure that he wanted to leave me...
He's been like that a lot lately. When he comes back he's going to have some in-processing to do, where he goes around to different agencies, signing back in and returning things like chem gear, 'A' bags etc. Usually he takes off and does that on his own, but this time....he wants me to come with him. That's a huge change in attitude. He's said that being away again has stirred feelings in him, that he's fallen in love with me all over again. It's a reciprocal thing....I fell for him again as well.
Things are finally happening, the surgery and the homecoming are drawing near. I'm not scared anymore. I'm looking forward to it now. This is going to be a life changing event for me.....well, perhaps 'life changing' isn't the best choice of words. Maybe 'life restoring' would be better. I'm going to be back to where I was physically before the accident.
I can hardly wait.