I'm a wuss.

Published on May 19, 2005 By dharmagrl In Health & Medicine

Yes, I am.

I have to get a myelogram done next Thursday. That's a test where radioactive dye is injected into my spinal canal and then X-rays and a CT scan is done so the surgeon can better visualize the discs that are herniated and see where he needs to cut and how much bone he's going to need to graft.

I'm scared.

I'm going to be awake for the entire procedure. No sedation, no pain relief except for a little local anesthesia.

I have to be admitted to the same day surgery ward afterwards so they can keep an eye on me and make sure I don't get a headache. In order to put the dye in, they have to take a little cerebro-spinal fluid out, and sometimes that can cause a headache.

I don't want to have to do it alone. I want D to be there to hold my hand. I want someone there to give me a little moral support. Unfortunately, no-one can come with me. The people I would want to be there are either at work or busy watching over my kids whilst I get this done.

I'm afraid it's going to hurt, and I'm afraid I'm going to cry. I'm also afraid because this is the last pre-surgical test I have to get done...and now the surgery has suddenly become a reality instead of just a theory.

I'm scared. Not so much about the test, but about the surgery.

I'm being a big wuss about it.

Comments

Danny Bassette

on May 19, 2005

Nothing wrong with being scared about it. But look on the plus side, it's radioactice dye, you might get super dye powers

dharmagrl

on May 19, 2005

But look on the plus side, it's radioactice dye, you might get super dye powers

Hey, I might glow in the dark! That'd be kinda cool......

MasonM

on May 19, 2005

You'll be fine. Once you've recovered from the actual surgery you'll likely be glad you did it.

dharmagrl

on May 19, 2005

You'll be fine. Once you've recovered from the actual surgery you'll likely be glad you did it

Oh, I'm sure that I will. I know that it's a necessary thing....I'm just scared and would like to have someone to lean on for a bit.

Being strong all the time sucks ass.

Dynosoar

on May 19, 2005

I don't reccomend back surgery at all. Make sure ( and I'm sure you have ) that you are well informed of the long term complications ( scar tissue will develop, and will have to be removed, it's an every 5 to 8 year post surgical fact of life )
Degeneration of the area, over time, will also occur, bringing you back to the pain and imobility that the initial surgery was suppose to correct, basically you are not fixing the problem, only defering it.
As a quality of life issue, pain is not a good thing, so, again I'm sure you have thought this out, but IMO, surgery should be a last,last.last resort.
I've put up with L3 and L4 disk problems for 16 years ( auto accident related ) and I've had epidurals, chiropractic, accupuncture, drug therapy, and on and on ( like I'm sure you have as well ) I have good days, better days, and days I can't walk ( I'd have fewer of those if I lost around 20lbs )
I've learned to live with it ( and I quit trying to lift
heavy stuff ) I now start each day with just a couple of aspirin and try to stretch as much as possible before getting out and about.

Just a personal reflection, hope whatever you do goes well.....

dharmagrl

on May 19, 2005

Dyno: The surgery is a last resort. I have a herniated disc at L4 and L5 that's putting pressure on a nerve root and has caused not only pain but weakness and nauropathy in my feet and toes. If I don't get it fixed, it's only going to get worse. I'll end up with more permanent damage than I already have. I've done the therapy, the shots and the manipulations...but because it's a bone and disc problem, not a muscle problem, all the therapy in the world isn't going to make much difference. Surgery is the only option I have right now...taking the disc out and fusing the disc space is pretty much the only solution.

Thanks for the advice though!

foreverserenity

on May 19, 2005

You're not being a wuss, just being human. It's normal to feel the way you do, especially when there will be no one with you for moral support. I hope everything goes well and it won't be too stressful for you. Infact think peaceful thoughts and go into your zen-like mode. Remember your yoga training. I'll be thinking of you.

dharmagrl

on May 19, 2005

Infact think peaceful thoughts and go into your zen-like mode. Remember your yoga training. I'll be thinking of you.

Thank you, and that yoga training has got me though so much recently....Ujjayi breathing does wonders.http://www.holistic-online.com/Yoga/hol_yoga_breathing-ujjai.htm

Shovelheat

on May 19, 2005

Heh, I can remember being in school and getting sent to the office (I got sent to the office A LOT in those daze) to get licks by this wicked-ass wooden paddle and thinking to myself, be tough!!! But I gotta tell ya, that third and fourth and sometimes fifth ( for when I really screwed up) hurt like a mofo!! I would do okay on 1...2... okay now, this ain't so funny no more...3.... jesus palomino this is a sumbitch...4 OKAY DAMMIT! UNCLE! SHEEEEEIIIT! goddam... and the tears would kick in despite myself.

So yeah, I know all about bein' a wuss!

Spc Nobody Special

on May 19, 2005

Radioactive powers would be cool, but much much better is sweet sweet post-op codeine derivitives.

lifehappens

on May 22, 2005

They probably haven't told you this yet, but my dad is a nuc-med x-ray tech, so I know that the biggest source for angst in patients is.....when the x-ray guy comes out holding the radioactive dye as far away from his body as possible and he is wearing every protective item avalible....and then they say, "hold still while we inject this into your spine." That is unnerving to most people. The other thing is they warn you (after the fact usually) not to hold your kids for about 24 hours.

The best part? If you were in New York, you would set off the subway "anti-terrorist" alarms! Hee hee hee. So smile and think about all the irritating people you could go hug while you are still radioactive!

You will do fine! You are tougher than you think!

dharmagrl

on May 22, 2005

The best part? If you were in New York, you would set off the subway "anti-terrorist" alarms! Hee hee hee.

Hahaha! That'd be cool!

I know I'm tougher than I think too...I'm just being a big baby about it.

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