I'm getting me some T Shirts. 

One that says 'Air Force Wife: answering the call of duty so you don't have to'  and another that says 'Deployment Surivior'.

I am both these things...and more.

This separation has finally sunk in.  The fact that I'm not going to see his face in person until fall has hit me, and it hit me hard. 

That I'm a single parent again, that I'm responsible for everyone and everything in this damn house, that I'm physically not in the greatest shape, that I was supposed to have a support system here but that said support system hasn't visited once since we moved here......it all came crashing down on me.

I spent a couple of days in pajamas, unwashed, unkempt....fulfilling the dirty stinky hippy aspect of my persona to the max.  I spent most of my time trying to meditate...hard to do when you're crying.  I finally gave up and took the Buddha's advice.  I lived for the moment.  If that moment meant crying and feeling sorry for myself, then that's what I did.  If that moment meant gorging on Swedish Fish gummies and existing on caffiene and sugar, then that's what I did.  If that moment meant writing pages of letters to my other half.....then I did it.

I did it.  I let myself feel it.  I stood under the dark clouds that rolled in, and I turned my face towards the rain that fell and let it wash me clean.

I AM an Air Force Wife.  I do this so that others don't have to.  I support my spouse the best I can.  I take care of business here so he can take care of business there.  I stoke the home fires so he doesn't have to go on patrol with 'what if the bills dont get paid and what about the kids and who's looking after the car' in the back of his mind.  Just as he has a job to do for the military, so do I. 

I AM a deployment survivor.  I've done this before, and I CAN do it again. 

I Am tough, and I CAN and WILL see this out.

I'm back.