Going, going.....

Published on March 11, 2005 By dharmagrl In Misc

He's leaving next week.

We will load up the car with his bags and belongings and with churning stomach I will drive him to his squadron, trying not to cry.

With trembling chin and tear-blurred sight I will put my arms around his neck one last time and press my face into his chest as my tears overflow my lids and dampen his shirt. Words will be whispered, lips will meet...and I will have to let him go and walk away. I won't look back. I can't. Lessons learned tell me that looking back is a fatal error.

He will stand on the sidewalk and watch as I walk to the car. Once I'm in, and the engine is started, then I'll look up at him...and he'll blow me a kiss and mouth 'I love you'....and then I'll cry in earnest. I'll try to smile, but only manage a grimace that's neither sad not hapy, just a twisted charicature of myself.

I'll come home and wander through the house, touching his things, trying to hang on to his recent presence...trying to hear his echo. Trying to preserve any sign that he was once there, no matter how small.

This is a scenario that's too familiar for me, and for hundreds of thousands of my sisters in arms. This is the reality of deployments for us...the lonliness, the aching, desperate lonliness that nothing except the presence of your spouse can ease. This is the other side of the military coin...the antidote to the bravery and glory of war.

Another 7 years of this.....only another 7 years.....

Comments

BlueDev

on Mar 11, 2005

Best wishes, prayers of strenth and happiness, and all the positive energy I can spare are sent to you and your family dharma.

foreverserenity

on Mar 11, 2005

Hang in there Dharma, 7 years might seem really long, but it will go quickly, not fast enough for you I know.

Nothing I say can make you feel better, but know that I'm thinking about you...sniff..while I say a prayer for his safe return to you.

Reiki-House

on Mar 11, 2005

Well I guess all I can say is that I hope nothing happens to him there in Iraq. It's far more dangerous today than it was during the initial fighting at the start of the war. It's more dangerous because of the nature of the conflict. Guerilla soldiers use the hit-and-run tactics so that means harm can come at any moment at any place in Iraq. What unit is he with? Army or navy or air force? The AF to me would be the safest way to serve in Iraq. The odds of being hurt are less in the Air force I assume. But then again Iraq's Republican Guard are equipped with the Russian ?CK? rocket launchers which are up the date as far as standard and explosive power are concerned. And on-the-ground reporting from Arab stations speak quite a bit about the US Chinook choppers being downed while never making the news here. They're probably full of crap though. If they're not, then flying would be a risky venture as well. Do you have kids? Have you thought about what you would say to them if he ever became a casualty? Depends on their ages I guess. Are they young? Is this his first tour? I ask lots of questions eh?

TheFazz

on Mar 11, 2005

Well, Reiki-House, you certainly know how to comfort a person.

I don't quite know what to say to comfort you, but just stay positive. Remember that JU will be there for you and offer whatever (little) help we can.

alison watkins

on Mar 11, 2005

I know this feeling all too well Dharma. You are strong and you'll be able to pull through. All of us support you!

InBloom

on Mar 11, 2005

I guess words won't do much to comfort you, but I do hope you get through this, and that you will be able to live everyday life with strength and optimism ...I hope that he will get home to you soon again.

aeryck

on Mar 11, 2005

The same thing is happening to me. My wife is to be going to be on contract for 6 months. 2 months is fine, but six months is eternity, so I guess I shall have plenty of time to polish up my blogging skills. From a 'troll in the making.' [skip that, I am endeavouring to untroll, whatever that means] ~ even a stone has tears.

dharmagrl

on Mar 11, 2005

Best wishes, prayers of strenth and happiness, and all the positive energy I can spare are sent to you and your family dharma.

Thank you so much Dev...that's very meaningful to me.

but know that I'm thinking about you...sniff..while I say a prayer for his safe return to you.

Thank you, we'll take all the good vibes we can get!

Is this his first tour? I ask lots of questions eh?

No, this will be his 7th tour of the desert - I think. I lose track of them, there have been so many....and yes you do ask a lot of questions, but that's okay.

Do you have kids?

Yes, we have three, aged 12, 10 and 8.

Have you thought about what you would say to them if he ever became a casualty?

Every freakin' time he goes off to play in the sandbox.

Army or navy or air force?

Air Force.

quote]The AF to me would be the safest way to serve in Iraq

Yeah, but his job is the AF equivalent of infantry. He's a cop, and their job when deployed is air base ground defense. Basically, they have to guard the perimiter and keep the bad guys out.He said yesterday that he vividly recalls chasing dudes away from the fence at Dharan when he was there...and 3 weeks after he left the dorm he was living in got bombed. That was close for comfort....he's also a detective (has an SEI - Special Education Identifier - on his AFSC) so he might end up going to do other 'details'...I hope not. Also, he lucked out and isn't going to Iraq. I'm not prepared to say where he's at, but I'm eternally thankful that it's not Balad or Kirkuk.

I don't quite know what to say to comfort you, but just stay positive.

Thank you....and I'll try.

I know this feeling all too well Dharma.

I'm glad that someone else does....

I hope that he will get home to you soon again.

Me too!

2 months is fine, but six months is eternity, so I guess I shall have plenty of time to polish up my blogging skills.

Yes it is, and that's exactly what I'm going to do too!

dynamaso

on Mar 15, 2005

Dharma, all I can say is you know if you need to talk... My thoughts are with you and your family.

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