So, I had to get another MRI done over last weekend.  The hospital that had the films from my last MRI had 'lost' them, so I had to get a repeat.

It was a good thing my doctor decided to order it.

Not only do I have a herniated L2 disc and arthritis in L1 and L2 (which we already knew about), I also have a disc at L5 that's bulging more than 50% out on either side and I've torn ligaments that didn't heal properly.  It explains a lot of the pain and symptoms I've been having...in a way I'm relieved.

In other words, I'm broken.  And I'm going to have to get put back together again....more than likely whilst my other half is deployed.  I have to go see a neurosurgeon at Barnes-Jewish in St Louis (which, incidentally, has one of the best neurosurgery units in the country) to find out which treatment option is best for me, but I'm an ideal candidate for surgical intervention because all the more conservative treatments have failed to give me any relief. 

We could have requested that my husband be removed from the deploying team....but I'm not going to do that.  We are in a time of conflict, and this country and the iraqi people need him and his compadres to go and do their jobs - however small an impact their actions may have on daily life in Iraq, my back surgery pales into relative insignificance when you look at what's being done over there.  Besides, his family is close enough to take my kids for a few weeks, and both his unit and the people I work for have insisted that they will provide whatever support I need, whether it be giving me a ride home from the hospital to mowing my yard to just providing me with some company.  We have a support system, and a good one at that.

I'm a firm believer that the universe will provide us with what is needed and when.  When I called to volunteer at the legal office, they had called to request a volunteer minutes earlier.  I fit in there; I am (according to the Officer in Charge) an "integral part of the office and the facility" and every person there has asked me to let them help should I need it.

And I will.  I'll tough out what I can, and when I can't tough out any more, I'll speak up.  I've been through worse than this....and that which does not kill me only serves to make me stronger.

It's going to take more than this to kill me, ergo, it can only serve to strengthen me. 

It still hurts like a sumbitch most days though.....