Promiscuity does NOT equal independence.

Published on January 31, 2005 By dharmagrl In Misc

In my last article I talked about 'Cosmopolitan' magazine being nothing better than soft core pornography because of all of it's sexual content.

That article and the subsequent responses got me thinking about what it used to mean to be an 'independent' woman - and what it seems to mean today.

When I was in my teens and early twenties, being an independent or career woman was still a big deal. Women were still facing the 'glass ceiling' in the corporate world - they would get so far up the ladder, then would be passed up for their male counterparts. If a woman made her own way in the world, sans assistance from a man, it was either assumed that she was a lesbian or that she was somehow deficient in personality or looks. Women were, as far as my parent's generation was concerned, destined to have a job only until they got married and had kids. Having a house, a car, a successful career AND being a single female was something that still raised a few eyebrows.

But somewhere down the line, the definition of being an 'independent' woman changed. It's not all about professions and houses any more....it seems to be about sex. The freedom to have as much sex, in as many different positions, with as many men as you can seems to be the new standard. Cosmo, the magazine that used to be the flagship publication for independent women, no longer prints articles about single women and mortgage rates....it's articles over the past 3 years or so have become more sexually oriented. TV hasn't helped much either - the advent of shows like 'Sex In The City' have made it fashionable to be promiscuous. Young women emulate what they see in the media....and Carrie and her pals got their fair share (and then some) of men. And all this in an age where AIDS and Hepatitis C are running rampant. The message seems to be that as long as you use protection, it's okay.

It saddens and disappoints me...and if it has ME feeling that way, I can only imagine how it makes the generations of women before my time feel - those who burned their bras in the streets and protested for equal rights for women. Is this really what they had in mind? Did they fight so that their children's children could indisctiminately sleep with multiple partners, so they could, to be blunt, whore around with whoever they felt like?

Promiscuity does NOT equal independence. We, as a society, need to make sure our daughters (and sons) know this.

Comments (Page 2)

kingbee

on Feb 01, 2005

As Much as I hate to say it, I think the turning point came when Bill Clinton declared that oral sex was not sex or cheating. It gave teenagers an open license to do it, knowing that if the president said it was so, it must be so.
It is going to take a lot of years to clean up his mess with Girls (and Guys) psyches

whatever differences exist between us--even those obviously attributable to your considerably skewed perceptions of life in the 21st century--i was saddened beyond my meager ability to convey my emotions upon discovering the above-quoted comment which is clearly nothing less than a manifestation of early onset dementia.

if im reading you correctly, it appears youre seriously expecting us to believe the youth of america have done something no younger generation has ever even considered (that would be going back to the dawn of time)..namely theyve willingly been influenced by a person who not only attained the advanced age of 'over 40' but also occupied the top political office of this country, and wore a suit n shit? aint no way.

if that's truly the case--and the ambient temperature of hell isnt hovering at 0 centigrade--bill clinton is undisputedly the most powerful leader of all time.

(oh...and the 'clean up the mess' thing may be a bit too overt but also way too funny )

KellyW0498

on Feb 01, 2005

Excellent blog, dharma.

Looks like you got the blog bug back.

ParaTed2k

on Feb 01, 2005

whatever differences exist between us--even those obviously attributable to your considerably skewed perceptions of life in the 21st century--i was saddened beyond my meager ability to convey my emotions upon discovering the above-quoted comment which is clearly nothing less than a manifestation of early onset dementia. if im reading you correctly, it appears youre seriously expecting us to believe the youth of america have done something no younger generation has ever even considered (that would be going back to the dawn of time)..namely theyve willingly been influenced by a person who not only attained the advanced age of 'over 40' but also occupied the top political office of this country, and wore a suit n shit? aint no way.

Hilarious!!! ;~D

Your use of humor to make your point aside, I would side with you on this one, but, in working with youth in different capacities, I would have to say that Dr. Guy has more of a point than you'd want to admit here.

While teens have never been the most abstinent of humans, there has almost been an oral sexual revolution over the last decade. Kids, even as young as elementary ages are being caught engaging in oral sex with alarming regularity. Terms like "pulling a Monica", "Going Presidential" among others make it clear that Prs. Clinton's exploits has had its affect.

The worst is, while I haven't heard this one for awhile, the line, "it isn't really sex" was an often used justification for a long time.

Face it, Prs. Clinton's attempt to downplay his own actions set a precedence in our culture. Just because you'd rather not accept it, doesn't change a thing.

ParaTed2k

on Feb 01, 2005

Great follow up to the Cosmo: Soft core Porn, Dharma!!

Apparently, to most people, "independence" means being more like everybody else than anybody else!!! ;~D

Myrrander

on Feb 01, 2005

Dr. Guy -- You are an idiot. Promiscuity and ideas about it didn't start with Bill Clinton. I really think you've you must have been chemically or surgically lobotomized at some point in your life. Please, keep your vitriolic hatred to the political forums instead of "blah-ing" all over everywhere else.

Now for the rest of the post. Dharma >> It's an interesting idea. Promiscuity certainly doesn't equal independance, but I think the real issue here is the rebelling by many women against "slut" stereotypes that come with growing up and being a young woman. Men like to say "slut," and even worse, there are a goodly number of sanctimonious (pardon the word here) bitches who don't hesitate in calling a girl a slut for what they don't consider "acceptable" behavior.

Does that mean screw around as much as possible? No. It does, however, mean that society still paints women into a corner when it comes to sex. No sex? You're frigid, or uptight, or a dyke. Too much? You're a whore, slut, or tramp. No matter the strides women have made conquering the corporate world, the working-mom world, the rock n' roll world, whatever, the sexual sphere is still the #1 area of inequality between men and women.

Magazines like Cosmo are fluff garbage anyway, and it's always been the "how to get a man and keep him" artcles that piss me off the most. Telling people how to have better sex isn't so bad, but telling women they need a man to be complete is utter garbage.

To paraphrase Martin Luther King Jr. (and apologies to him) -- "Let us judge women not by the names on their sexual resumes, but by the content of their character."

Cheers.

Moderateman

on Feb 01, 2005

In my life I have noticed that with all change,, the pendulem {sp?] has to swing a long way before it centers itself,, When I left the united states in 1964 and came back in 1966 I arrived in the middle of the sexual revolution.. everyone was runng amok and having as much sex, drugs, rock and roll as possible,, this was a huge swing from the 50s and early 60s soon it got more centered. the same will happen with women and their explosion of sexuality. For many years any woman that had sex out of wedlock was , a fallen women, slut, whore, etc, etc, after gaining some equality with men, women ran amok, now serious thinking women are comming to their senses and realizing that there is such a thing as going overboard.

Moderateman

on Feb 01, 2005

Reply By: Dr. GuyPosted: Tuesday, February 01, 2005As Much as I hate to say it, I think the turning point came when Bill Clinton declared that oral sex was not sex or cheating. It gave teenagers an open license to do it, knowing that if the president said it was so, it must be so.It is going to take a lot of years to clean up his mess with Girls (and Guys) psyches.

I have to disagree doc, started in the 60s with the sinple act of bra burning.

Moderateman

on Feb 01, 2005

I have to disagree doc, started in the 60s with the simple act of bra burning.

aeryck

on Feb 01, 2005

Yes, let's keep patching up the leaky ship of societal happiness

shadesofgrey

on Feb 01, 2005

I wish more of our youth would learn that sex and promiscuity is not the answer to everything, and it has serious consequences.

You didn't see Carrie getting an STD, did you? You didn't see her get pregnant and have no way of raising that child. As far as the media is concerned, there are no consequences for promiscuity, and that has to change

Carrie wasn't some teenager--she was in her thirties. Women now have the option of having two completely different lifestyles--you can settle down and get married, or you can remain single.

For all the times I heard stay-at-home moms talk about how they don't get the respect they deserve, and "why is everyone judging us?"--I'm going to say the same for us late-twenty, early thirty single independent women--stop judging us! What I do or do not do in the privacy of my bedroom is no one's business. If you don't like Sex in the City--don't watch it. If you don't like Cosmo--don't read it. But do not pretend that these two items are bring about the downfall of youth. Kids have irresponsible sex because their parents did a poor job in the sex education field, not because they watched Carrie get it on with Mr. Big.

It has always been ok for men to to be players--but when girls do it, it's some how unacceptable?

I don't think that adults ttoday are having any more or less sex than previous generations, they just talk about it more.

Myrrander

on Feb 01, 2005

Yeah, Shades, that double standard is the problem here.

Promiscuity might not mean independence, but true independence means having the freedom to be promiscuous.

Moderateman

on Feb 01, 2005

quote]Reply By: shadesofgreyPosted: Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I don't think that adults ttoday are having any more or less sex than previous generations, they just talk about it more.

I can see your a young person, sexuality in the 50s was defined by the base principal. 1st base.. kissing, with tongue..second base.. feeling her up over her sweater.. 3rd base feeling her up under her sweater. and no one I knew hit a homer..in the early 60s..A whole lotta lieing by boys about how they scored, but no action for the most part.

kingbee

on Feb 01, 2005

make it clear that Prs. Clinton's exploits has had its affect

if that were the case, there'd be kids hanging around the humidor (and not cuz they were into blunts ). it aint like he invented oral sex. the truly distinctive....dare i call it clintonesque?...aspect of his assignations with monica was the cigar (and no, im not gonna go for the cheap laff by alluding to those crooks cigars that are soaked in..umm...rum). (i found out about the cigar thing about 10 days before it was public knowledge and nobody would believe me...seems i have a bad habit of trashing whomever is in the whitehouse and for over a week, i kept being told id gone too far hahahaha.)

i'd also like to point out the fact that it wasnt clinton who deluged the country with details. if anyone is responsible for a loss of innocence, it's the self-righteous mob howling for clinton's head (so to speak). without them, ken starr might still think a blowjob was something for which you hadda fill out an application.

and then theres barbara walters who provided me with one of my most treasured tv memories when she kept asking ms lewinsky for an explanation of how phonesex worked. im absolutely convinced she had no clue (but then i knew that when she was dating roy cohn).

shadesofgrey

on Feb 01, 2005

don't think that adults ttoday are having any more or less sex than previous generations, they just talk about it more.

I can see your a young person, sexuality in the 50s was defined by the base principal. 1st base.. kissing, with tongue..second base.. feeling her up over her sweater.. 3rd base feeling her up under her sweater. and no one I knew hit a homer..in the early 60s..A whole lotta lieing by boys about how they scored, but no action for the most part.

I'll take the "young person" thing as a compliment.

It depends on the demographics we are talking about --Marilyn Monroe and JFK were doing a bit more than touching sweaters. Like I said, it happened, people just didn't talk about sex as openly.

Myrrander

on Feb 01, 2005

and this is really the whole crux of the problem, isn't it? That we talk about it a bit more. Cosmo writes articles about it. People do it with the lights on, so to speak. Well good. Promiscuity in language is fine with me -- let's stop repressing ourselves, can we? At last?

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