Promiscuity does NOT equal independence.

Published on January 31, 2005 By dharmagrl In Misc

In my last article I talked about 'Cosmopolitan' magazine being nothing better than soft core pornography because of all of it's sexual content.

That article and the subsequent responses got me thinking about what it used to mean to be an 'independent' woman - and what it seems to mean today.

When I was in my teens and early twenties, being an independent or career woman was still a big deal. Women were still facing the 'glass ceiling' in the corporate world - they would get so far up the ladder, then would be passed up for their male counterparts. If a woman made her own way in the world, sans assistance from a man, it was either assumed that she was a lesbian or that she was somehow deficient in personality or looks. Women were, as far as my parent's generation was concerned, destined to have a job only until they got married and had kids. Having a house, a car, a successful career AND being a single female was something that still raised a few eyebrows.

But somewhere down the line, the definition of being an 'independent' woman changed. It's not all about professions and houses any more....it seems to be about sex. The freedom to have as much sex, in as many different positions, with as many men as you can seems to be the new standard. Cosmo, the magazine that used to be the flagship publication for independent women, no longer prints articles about single women and mortgage rates....it's articles over the past 3 years or so have become more sexually oriented. TV hasn't helped much either - the advent of shows like 'Sex In The City' have made it fashionable to be promiscuous. Young women emulate what they see in the media....and Carrie and her pals got their fair share (and then some) of men. And all this in an age where AIDS and Hepatitis C are running rampant. The message seems to be that as long as you use protection, it's okay.

It saddens and disappoints me...and if it has ME feeling that way, I can only imagine how it makes the generations of women before my time feel - those who burned their bras in the streets and protested for equal rights for women. Is this really what they had in mind? Did they fight so that their children's children could indisctiminately sleep with multiple partners, so they could, to be blunt, whore around with whoever they felt like?

Promiscuity does NOT equal independence. We, as a society, need to make sure our daughters (and sons) know this.

Comments (Page 1)

Angloesque

on Jan 31, 2005

I concur.

I read Cosmo when I was in high school--I wanted to be one of those career women with fabulous nightlifes and all the men...but then I woke up and realized (1) I was in Idaho and not New York; (2) I'd rather have my husband at night than have to pretty up and get drunk to find someone who'd sleep with me, then kick me out; and (3) the magazine publishes the most selfish, egocentric material I've ever seen or read and the people inside it are not the type I could ever be friends with.

Just goes to show that in spite of my GPA, I wasn't so smart in high school. Glad my sense showed up some time in college.

-A.

dharmagrl

on Jan 31, 2005

the magazine publishes the most selfish, egocentric material I've ever seen or read

You are absolutely, 100% correct about that. I re-read this month's edition today, trying to find some redeeming qualities within....and found very, very few.

Ziggystyles

on Jan 31, 2005

Karen...you get another amen!

I guess I've never really realized it, but I think I've fooled myself into thinking that I'm getting "sex tips" for when I get married from Cosmo. The truth is, it's so sexified that it really just makes me feel bad about my lifestyle choices.

I've made the choice not to have sex until I'm married, and Cosmo makes me feel like a freak because I've made that choice. I read articles about kids 10 years younger than me in these huge adult relationships and it just makes me sad I guess.

I'm still thinking we should come up with our own publication...

Moo

Ziggystyles

on Jan 31, 2005

Ang...you get an amen, too. Cosmo caters very much to the "me me me me me me ME!" generation. There's not a whole lot in there about helping one's fellow person...in fact...there's NOTHING about that as far as I can see.

Starstuff

on Jan 31, 2005

Rigth on! You go girl!!!!

MarcieMoo

on Jan 31, 2005

Oopies. The Ziggystyles posts were by me...we need to work on this signing out thing when we switch computers for the night.

Mooooooo

dynamaso

on Jan 31, 2005

Okay Ladies, a question: just how much did magazines like Cosmo really teach you about sex? I seen groups of 16 year old girls giggling over articles on buses etc., but don't imagine they're actually taking the articles practicing the suggested techniques. Or perhaps I'm being niave.

My 'formal' sex education included High School Biology, a number of well-thumbed copies of Penthouse circa 1977 and a 'blue' movie while at a senior high school camp. While I thought I knew what to do, when it came to the actual act, I had no idea. Sure, nerves played a big part in my state and if my first time had been with someone my own age, I think I would have failed miserably. As it was, I lost my virginity to an older woman (I was just 20 years old and she was a divorced 29 year old). I consider myself lucky to have had such a patient, caring and, erm, inventive teacher.

Cheers,

Maso

perhaps_the_only_liberal_here

on Jan 31, 2005

it makes me think of some shallow manual for a sorority in a waspy, carefully sheltered college. it seems to gives advice in the magazine how to feel 21 forever, complete with exercise tips, botox reviews, and oblivion with how the world really operates. one of the worst parts is that it makes the readers assume that all men are the stereotypical fratboy.

Locamama

on Jan 31, 2005

I couldn't buy the last issue because it had Ashley Simpson on the cover but Cosmo definately isn't me anymore. Maybe because I am a 30 something married, mom with three boys. Cosmo is not reality for anyone I know including those who are young and successful and living in major metropolitan areas. I read some of those sex with random stranger stories and think who are these people and don't they feel bad the next day. I guess I can understand some young guy bragging to his friends about his conquests but grown woman - I don't get it.

perhaps_the_only_liberal_here

on Jan 31, 2005

yeah, I admit I used to read my friends' copies in high school, and um, well, the advice wasn't half bad, but as I got older and more experienced, I realized that sex advice in that mag is only insightful for women who have no idea how male anatomy works or who don't care enough about their partners to ask them what they like... every guy is different and the magazine pigonholes men out of convenience to give end-all, be-all sex advice that makes girls/women feel competitive because they think that a woman who reads that magazine has more of a sexual edge than one that doesn't.

kingbee

on Feb 01, 2005

ladies??

yall are talking about the same cosmo that once featured a burt reynolds nude centerfold? the same cosmo that's been lampooned (and not just by the lampoon, may it rest in peace) at least a dozen times since the 70s for it's 'cum on' cover lines (How to Have even MORE Orgasms....Sex With TWO Guys (Without Either One Catching On!)...What HE Wants (but Won't Tell YOU!)...Sleeping Your Way to a BETTER Job...etc) arranged with formulaic precision around a model typically showing more skin than was concealed?

here's a link to the cover for cosmo's july 1979 issue: Link btw, the spanish edition which i see frequently at el mercado grande while grocery shopping is even sleazier

LadyCleve

on Feb 01, 2005

Did they fight so that their children's children could indisctiminately sleep with multiple partners, so they could, to be blunt, whore around with whoever they felt like?Promiscuity does NOT equal independence. We, as a society, need to make sure our daughters (and sons) know this.

This really hits home with me after a conversation I had last week with a 13 year old girl who is pregnant. I wish more of our youth would learn that sex and promiscuity is not the answer to everything, and it has serious consequences.

btw, the boyfriend, who is 17, knew that the condom had broken before entry, and not only didn't he stop to put on a new one, he didn't even bother to tell her until after. And now he's mad at her for being pregnant. The guys need to learn too.

Dr Guy

on Feb 01, 2005

As Much as I hate to say it, I think the turning point came when Bill Clinton declared that oral sex was not sex or cheating. It gave teenagers an open license to do it, knowing that if the president said it was so, it must be so.

It is going to take a lot of years to clean up his mess with Girls (and Guys) psyches.

dharmagrl

on Feb 01, 2005

The truth is, it's so sexified that it really just makes me feel bad about my lifestyle choices.

Me too, and I'm married!

Ladies, a question: just how much did magazines like Cosmo really teach you about sex? I seen groups of 16 year old girls giggling over articles on buses etc., but don't imagine they're actually taking the articles practicing the suggested techniques. Or perhaps I'm being niave

Cosmo hasn't taught me anything about sex...and whilst I doubt that the girls your speak of were actually going to try and use any of the techniques described, it is sending out the message that it's okay to sleep around, that it's okay to have multiple partners, that sex can be just an act of convienience.

it makes me think of some shallow manual for a sorority in a waspy, carefully sheltered college

I know what you mean....

Cosmo definately isn't me anymore. Maybe because I am a 30 something married, mom with three boys

Even was I was in my early 30's I still found something of interest in Cosmo, whether it was fashion of beauty or whatever...but recently, I can't find anything that interests me.

the magazine pigonholes men out of convenience to give end-all, be-all sex advice that makes girls/women feel competitive because they think that a woman who reads that magazine has more of a sexual edge than one that doesn't.

You're hit the nail on the head there.

ladies??

Kingbee, I went and looked at the link for the '79 Cosmo, and out of the 8 or so articles on the cover, 2 or 3 were sexually oriented. On this month's cover, there are 2 that are NOT sexually oriented. It seems that we have gone from having the token couple of articles about sex to having the token couple of articles that are NOT about sex.

I wish more of our youth would learn that sex and promiscuity is not the answer to everything, and it has serious consequences.

You didn't see Carrie getting an STD, did you? You didn't see her get pregnant and have no way of raising that child. As far as the media is concerned, there are no consequences for promiscuity, and that has to change.

kingbee

on Feb 01, 2005

Kingbee, I went and looked at the link for the '79 Cosmo, and out of the 8 or so articles on the cover, 2 or 3 were sexually oriented

ill try to find a 79 cover for penthouse and i'm willing to wager--drawing on my intensive study of such things hahaha--it's considerably tamer than the one i linked (i was rushed so i grabbed the first one i found).

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