My good friend Rob, who reads my blog everyday (but who has yet to comment....*cough cough*...hint) has an online diary of his own Link  that I visit occasionally (yes, I know I should be better about it).

Rob's a single parent.  He has a boy, AJ, who's Jake's age, and a daughter who's 6 now, I guess.  AJ has ADHD, and is on the same meds as Jake.  Rob's a wonderful guy (if there are any single Pagan chikkies reading this, I'm telling you he's a catch...)...and he's been really good to me in the past year.

I came across this in Rob's journal today...it's reprinted with his permission....

Oh to be a parent... Let me regail those of you without the blessings we call children as to the wonder and amazement that they bring....

Or, in my case, insanity....

My son... Yes, he's unique in ways that most you will only have nightmares about.. the kind of individuality we only in those members of our society that stand out in such ways as 'The unibomber'.

So, about two weeks ago, the daycare caved in to his demands for some PVC pipe. for those of unware, PVC is code for THICK FUCKING PLASTIC, and it is used in most residential homes built since the mid to late 80's.

So, they bought him about 5 pieces of 1 and 1/2 inch pipe and an assortment of fittings so that he could amuse himself for hours on end..

I'm thinking of filing a lawsuit... read the rest, then let me know if you think I stand a chance....

Anyway, he gets to bring this stuff home after a week, because he'd taken to hiding it under desks and in curtains to keep other kids there from playing with them.

So, he brings all this home and he's just SO damn happy about it, I was just thrilled to see him so excited and motivated about something that wasn't going to risk me having the cops called by the neighbors.

This stuff was his pride and joy for several days.. Then... Last weekend...

I walk in on him, in his underwear, putting this stuff together and pulling plastic bags over the open ends...

"A.J.?'

'Yeah?"

'What are you doing?'

'Building a toilet."

At this point, I would appreciate it if you'd imagine me blinking for a few moments as my mind tried to wrap itself around an 8 year old trying to reinvent, of all things, a toilet.

'Why?' (Keep in mind, the ACTUAL bathroom is directly across the hall from him. A total of about 9 feet)

'So I don't have to use the one in the hall.'' He said this like my asking was just about the dumbest thing he'd ever heard before.

'You know this is just make belive right?

My son, at this point, stopped what he was doing to look at me, with the most perplexed look on his face.

'Huh?'

'Make-belive. You can't really use this for a toilet, you know?'

'Oh... Yeah, I know.'

So, with that conversation under my belt, I marched off to my room to take the shower I'd been promising myself since I'd gotten up.

THe shower was great, thanks for asking.

So, I towel off (THere's an image for you ladies) and get dressed, then walk out into the hall where I am assaulted by this....

....smell.

Those of you with men in the house know this smell... It's the smell that only men can produce. A vile, stomach churning odor that comes from testosterone and the processing of food.. It only comes from ONE place.

THe bathroom door was standing open, and I stuck my head in to see if they'd forgotten to flush the toilet.

Not only was the answer no, but the smell was NOT coming from there....

(THose of you with vivid imaginations... yeah, you're right)

I turn towards the boys door, the question already on my lips, when he runs up and slams it shut and locks it.

'A.J.?'

'Go away, I don't want to talk to you right now.'

Well, we all know how well THAT worked....

So, I grab a paper clip to undo his lock and WHAT do you think I found inside???

Well, the really startling thing is that the pipe he used to shit in was about even with his shoulder, so how he climbed up to do it, I have NO idea... but he did.... and managed to get his own... stuff.... all over the wall, the pipe, his hands.... ug...

I was so shocked, angry, upset... I couldn't even find words... I think I said something to the extent of...

'You...... YOu....... you......'

Oh, the inner poet was just KICKING it that day, let me tell you....

Suffice to say, we have tossed said PVC in the trash and have been working very hard and trying to remove the smell from the carpets.

sigh...

I need a beer..

Rob, I love you like a brother, and you've been a really good friend to me.....and I'm sorry for laughing hard enough to pee in my pants when I read this.  I am.  Really.  Tru.....BWAHAHAHAHAHAH (copyright Chiprj 2004)...ly. *wipes away tears*.....

....and I thought my kid was bad!