no gossip

Published on November 8, 2004 By dharmagrl In Philosophy

I'm conducting an exercise in self-discipline for the next couple of days.

I'm not going to talk about anyone else unless they are in my presence.

That means no gossip, no unnecessary chatter.

I'm doing it as part of an exercise in 'right speech'. I'm immersing myself in my buddhist practice again, and 'right speech' is a key element of that.

My husband thinks it's great....says it will probably be the most peaceful day off he's ever had!

He doesn't think that I'll be able to do it.

I think that I can...that I will, and that I will do so with ease.

I'm going to predict that my conversation will drop by about 50%, if not more.

I'll let you know how it goes.....

Comments

chiprj

on Nov 08, 2004

Good luck! And good idea! I hope you succeed.

iamheather

on Nov 08, 2004

Good for you and all my best on this endeavor! You are a brave, brave woman....

Danny Bassette

on Nov 09, 2004

Would this also mean no more blogging?

Phoenixboi

on Nov 09, 2004

Hey Dharma...

did you hear about.....?? only kidding..

You go for it! Good luck.. remember.. it also goes for thought and action.. big task.. but well worth it..

love ya!
P

philomedy

on Nov 09, 2004

I hear Jimmy was making out with Heather yesterday...pass it on...

Good luck.

JillUser

on Nov 09, 2004

Very admirable effort! I know many women who could benefit from such an exercise. One in particular seems to feed off from discrediting others with mutual friends. The thing she doesn't seem to realize is if you trash talk in a small group, it makes the rounds pretty quickly. Plus, I always think "If this person is saying nasty things about our mutual friend, I wonder what she is saying when I'm not around". How do you trust someone like that?

I prefer straight shooters. If you don't like my haircut, telling me to my face rather than telling me you love it only to turn around and make fun of it when I leave the room.

Karen, I think this will set a great example for your kids too. Kudos to you and good luck.

crimson

on Nov 09, 2004

Good luck. I find gossipping to be fun, but of course, too much is no good. And, I suppose, there is a difference between idle talking and harmful words. Let us know how it turns out.

dharmagrl

on Nov 09, 2004

And good idea!

Thanks, Chip. I really am interested in seeing how much less I talk....

You are a brave, brave woman....

nah....just not quite all there!

Would this also mean no more blogging?

Nope, blogging will still be on schedule.

Good luck.. remember.. it also goes for thought and action..

Yes, it does. I find, though, that once your practice one, the others follow naturally.

I hear Jimmy was making out with Heather yesterday

Lalala la la la la not listening!!!!

If this person is saying nasty things about our mutual friend, I wonder what she is saying when I'm not around". How do you trust someone like that?

I can't. That's why I don't do well with most women. I tend to say what I'm thinking (albeit tactfully).... women will smile at you as they're stabbing you in the back. I'm always left with a sense of mistrust, wondering if she really meant what she said or if there was some ulterior motive...

And, I suppose, there is a difference between idle talking and harmful words.

Not really. gossip becomes harmful words when we're not looking.....so it's best to just not gossip!

dharmagrl

on Nov 09, 2004

Good luck with your experiment...and any word on the job yet?

So far so good with the experiment. Our social circle is small too, and I can't say anythig else about the people that are in it because that would be breaking my promise of 'right speech only' today.

No word on the job yet, but I'm not expecting to hear anything until the end of the week at the earliest.

Janders

on Nov 09, 2004

Hi Karen, I'm back...

I like your idea... It sounds like good karma also!

dharmagrl

on Nov 09, 2004

Hi Janders! *waves at Joey*

Ok, experiment is over.

It was harder than I thought. I caught myself a few times...and had to remind myself that i wasn't allowed to say stuff like that today. It cut down on my conversation by about 75%. You just don't realize how much of your speech involves people who aren't present. Something as simple as talking to my husband about how slow the bagger at the grocery store was was taboo today....or saying that the mailman came early. couldn't do that either. so, it wasn't really all about gossip, it was more an exercise in realizing what the majority of conversation is about.

It was interesting, to say the least. I think that my next self-experiment will have to do with 'no-self'...an exercise in non-attachment. That's going to be painful, I can tell you right now....

Phoenixboi

on Nov 09, 2004

Hey Dharma

One of the hardest things Ive found to do is mindfulness... being present in every action that we do.. It's amazing how our minds just run away and being aware of that and bringing it back to the present with the action that we are doing at present. I need someone to walk behind me with a stick and whack me ... now im starting to sound like LW.. I might actually enjoy that..

... no but seriously it is really hard to do i think.

I admire you for your strength and courage.

Jewbu

on Nov 10, 2004

Dear Dharmagrl,

A deep bow to you for taking on this practice. I wish you well. There are two Bodhisattva precepts that assist us with this. In brief form they are:

I vow not talk about the faults of others; and
I vow not to elevate myself by putting others down.

Right speech is a complex thing, involving much more than watching what one says. It also comes from a commitment to cease doing bad stuff, to do good stuff, and to bring about good for all beings. Sometimes this compassion must be of a sort of tough love variety that might include a sharp word or the whack of the kyasaku.

But, in general, it about being in service to others in a positive, selfless way.

But to commit to its practice is a step in the right direction, no matter how successful or unsuccessful you may be. in carrying out the task itself.

Be well,
Sodaiho

dharmagrl

on Nov 10, 2004

Right speech is a complex thing, involving much more than watching what one says. It also comes from a commitment to cease doing bad stuff, to do good stuff, and to bring about good for all beings.

In practicing 'no gossip', my attention was drawn to how much I think things about other people...sometimes negative things. That leads me to realize that I must practice 'right thought', and that thought and speech go hand in hand....which leads to yet another realization about the interconnectedness of things.

It was all very enlightening...it IS very enlightening!

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