I've been thinking...actually, it's been more of a feeling than a thinking.

I am where I'm supposed to be.

After years of uncertainty, of feeling that something was not quite right but never being able to put my finger on what it was - I have a sense of belonging.  Of satisfaction.  Of being in the right place, with the right man, at the right time.  That all the crap I went through last year may just have been life's way of trying to show me that I wasn't where I needed to be - and that I was fighting to get to the wrong place. The methods used to get me to listen may have been a little extreme - but I was fighting hard, and have a habit of not listening until someone yells at me.  Life yelled at me, she screamed at me for almost a year before I paid attention.  Before I realized that she was trying to tell me something. Now she has my attention, I've been listening and re-examining.

Don't let my choice of words fool you - 'satisfaction' shouldn't be read as 'complacency'.  It's nothing like that.  I'm not complacent about anything.  I'm savoring every moment of every day of this life I have managed to fall in to.  I'm more...'in love' is the only phrase I can think of, but it really doesn't suffice...with Dave than ever.  It's not the giddy, kick-up-your-heel-heart-racing childish kind of love, it's so much more than that.  It's deeper.  More profound.  His imprint is on my soul.  It's indellible. With him is where I belong, and I have no doubt about that. 

I'm so...content, happy, at home....here.  I'm rejoicing in menial little tasks that I used to detest.  Cleaning the stove has become an exercise in happiness, and folding and putting away laundry - well, that brings me to the point of ecstacy! I look forward to getting up each morning and taking care of our little home.  I look forward to taking care of my little family. I'm happy...deeply, wholeheartedly, happy.

I am, finally, where I'm supposed to be.  Now I understand.