This is the final installement in a series of articles I've written about online pedophiles.
In the first one Link I talked about how vigilante busts aren't really the best way to put a stop to this problem.
In the second oneLink I described my own personal experience with pedophilia in a teen chat room.
In this last one I'd like to offer up some suggestions on how to keep your kids safe on the internet...without the assistance of filtering programs such as 'Net Nanny' et al.
Obviously, the best way to avoid chat predators is not to go into chat rooms. However, that's not always possible, so the next best thing (IMO) is to educate your children about the means and methods these men will utilize in order to tempt kids into a sexual conversation.
First of all, they should never use their real name. They have a chat handle, have them use it. Giving someone their name along with their location makes it easier for someone to find them than if they stuck with their screen name. Also, using their real name implies familiarity, something that a pedophile wants. He wants to be their friend, and may in fact state just that.
Secondly, never, ever allow them to send a picture of themselves or allow someone to see them on a webcam. If they have a Yahoo or AOL profile, never let them post a picture of themselves on their profile page. This is going to sound blunt, but do you really want some man masturbating over a picture of your child? Because that's what can happen, and does happen. Also, limit the amount of information they post on their profile page. The less information a pedophile can get, the better.
Archive your kids chat sessions. By doing this you have the ability to go check out who they've been talking to and what they've been talking about.
Never let them give out your home telephone number to someone they meet in a chat room. Giving out your home number is somewhat akin to giving out your home address....not a good idea. Meet the online friend first and ascertain that they're legitimate before you allow them access to your home number.
Talk to your kids about what are appropriate questions and what are inappropriate questions. Chat predators have what law enforcement calls a 'triple whammy'. They'll start out by asking if the kid has a boy/girl friend. The next will be if they have 'fooled around' with said boy/girlfriend, and if they have, what have they done. That's usually followed up with asking if the child is still a virgin....and before they kinow it, there your kids is, talking about sex with a stranger. Questions about bra size and body hair are often thrown in as well. Let your children know that it's ok to come and get you if a chat session heads down this path, or that it's ok to terminate the chat if they feel uncomfortable in any way with the questions they're being asked. Some pedophiles go straight for the kill and start asking questions almost immediately, some take their time and will chat with a kid for weeks, maybe even months before they make their move. (The process is called 'grooming')
Make your children aware that not everyone is as they seem on the internet. Pedophiles have been known to pose as chat moderators in order to gain the confidence of kids. Teach them to not take everyone they meet online at face value.
Don't let your kids personally meet with anyone they've met online until you've spoken to the other person and their parents first. Arrange the meeting for a public place, and make sure there are at least two responsible adults present when the liason takes place.
Finally, if you think that your child has been violated whilst chatting, report it. Yahoo and AOL both have moderators (genuine ones, not fake ones) and complaint processes, and if you've archived the sessions you have evidence.
This all seems pretty restrictive, doesn't it? It is. But if that's what it takes to keep your kids safe and out of the hands of those who would abuse them......well, wouldn't any responsible parent be willing to do that?