Things came to a head in my house last night.  The argument that had been brewing for months finally came to the fore of our conversation - heh, like it was anything close to a conversation.  We haven't talked in years.

Apparently, his love for me is based on my doing what he wants, when he wants it, how he wants it.  It's like I'm some kind of pet; like I'm on the same level as Gracie.  As long as I do what he says, it's all good.  If I deviate...well, then there are consequences.

I don't know why he doesn't love me unconditionally any more.  I don't know what happened to make that change.  I've given up years of my life, I've sacrificed for him and his career and I have changed parts of myself to make him happy.  It seems, however, that it's just not enough. 

I want to be loved for ME, not for what I do or don't do.  I want to be loved for myself, for my flaws as well as my assests.  I want to be loved totally and completely; I want someone to look forward to my coming home at the end of the day (or to look forward to coming home to me).  I want someone who will not only be proud of me when I succeed, but who will be there for me when I fail (and we all fail sometimes). 

I deserve better than this.