This time last week I was getting my patient cleaned up and comfortable in her bed. I knew that she was on her way out of this life, but I thought that she had a few days (if not weeks) left.
If you had told me that I'd be starting college classes today, I'd have laughed at you and told you to check your temperature because you must be delirious.
My life has changed a lot in the past 7 days. First, my patient passed away. I knew that she was terminally ill, but I really did think that she had many days if not weeks left. When she started declining rapidly I didn't really have time to stop and think about how her passing would affect me - and my job status. I just did the best I could for her, making sure that she wasn't in pain or uncomfortable in any way, and I know that I made a difference in her last few days and hours. Her last words were directed towards me: she said "I always liked you as a person. You've always been so sweet and kind. Please don't leave me; stay with me for a while..."
And I did. I stayed at her bedside until her family sent me home to change clothes and regroup so I could come back and stay overnight with her. She passed away when I was gone, and I somehow think that she did it on purpose. She was always a private person; even at the end of her life she insisted having the bathroom door shut when she was on the toilet. I think that she waited until I was gone to pass away - she wanted to do it in private, with just her husband and daughter in law there.
Then, the day after she passed away, BOTH our vehicles started acting up. They're both idling rough - the truck does okay in park or neutral, but the moment you put it in gear it gets rough. The car does it no matter what gear you're in. I had at first thought that it was the humidity, that there was some condensation in the fuel line and that was the cause, but I put some additive in the gas tank and it hasn't helped. Then D suggested that it was tampering - I'd taken the truck to work on Tuesday and it started running rough that afternoon, so I took the car Tuesday night and it started running rough when I came home on Wednesday morning. The people who live next to my patients have a history of criminal behaviour and don't care for me much; they've been parking on my patient's driveway and I've gone over and asked them to please refrain from doing so. It just seems a little coincidental to me that BOTH car and truck go bad after being parked outside my patient's house. Anyway, I'm taking them both to AutoZone this week to get a diagnostic check done on them so I can see what the issue is and try to fix it. I don't like not having at least one reliable vehicle.
Wednesday night I had a banquet to attend with my husband. There was a Security Forces conference/workshop on base last week, and the banquet incorporated an awards ceremony. D worked really hard to make it go off without a hitch, and I was very proud of him. I was beat; I'd had errands to run all day and hadn't had a lot of sleep the night before, but I managed to make it through the banquet and met some pretty important and influential people - not to mention all of the folks D works with.
Thursday I had to go to my patient's home and help the Mr clean up and get ready for the funeral. It was difficult for me to maintain my composure at times but I managed to make it through and be strong so the Mr could lean on me a little. Thursday afternoon is a blur; I think I took a nap but don't really remember a whole lot.
Friday morning D, Jake and I went to the Mrs' visitation. We had intended to stay for the funeral, but I couldn't handle it. I hadn't given myself time to unload all the emotion that I'd gathered throughout the week, and the sight of my patient in her casket prompted a trickle of tears that would soon become a flood.....so after paying our respects to her family, we quietly left and came home. I cried all the way home and then some, but I NEEDED to do that, so it was a good thing.
Friday lunchtime I got to thinking about something the hospice nurse said to me about them hiring me if I had a CNA or LPN license, and, on a whim, I called the college in the town close to us and asked about their programs. The counsellor I spoke to said they had a class starting on Monday (today) and, after half an hour's contemplation, I decided that I was going to give it a shot. I had the money to pay for the first half of the class and the school would let (is letting) me make payments on the rest, so.....there was no reason for me to NOT do it. Things fell into place beautifully, leaving me with the feeling that this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.
It's been a heck of a week, but it hasn't all been bad. Yes, I lost my patient, but her passing allowed me to gain a college class. Yes, our vehicles aren't running well, but they're still running. Yes, I cried a lot and was in some emotional pain, but that served to make me stronger and not only gave me a better understanding of the grief process but also gave me a greater appreciation for the beauty of life.
This week has been full of blessings - some of them have been blessings in disguise, but they've been blessings nonetheless.
What a difference 7 days has made!