I got a chuckle out of these.  Hope you can do the same.

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.  "Because I
pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.  You
did WHAT ?!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.  "You know,"explained the
boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

 
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.   Five minutes
later....."Da-ad...."   "What?"   "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of
water?"   "No, You had your chance. Lights out."   Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"  "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"  I told you NO!  If you
ask again, I'll have to spank you!"  Five minutes
later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."  "WHAT!"  "When you come in to spank me, can
you bring a drink of water?"

 
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.  One little girl was
wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned
over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"  The
little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on-microphone,  "Yes,
and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

 
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She
said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"  I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy
has a baby growing in her tummy."  "I know," she replied, but what's growing
in your butt?"

 
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.  She stands next
to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."